Is it just me or is this weird?

penguingrrl

LalaMama81 said:

Yea, I guess, I don't remember ever begin scared as a kid. But we never went to any kind of fire and brimstone church or anything like that. Most of my experiences were in the Methodist church and we attend a (very loose) ELCA lutheran church now. 

Our church was terrible and my mom didn't realize how bad it was until it had shaped my religious beliefs (or, really, ensured I would never believe). She figured it out when she went to the priest to report that my father was abusing her and us and his response was that she had sworn before god to stay with him for life and that she needed to work harder to keep him happy so we would stay safe.

rosesandpetals

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

Yea, I guess, I don't remember ever begin scared as a kid. But we never went to any kind of fire and brimstone church or anything like that. Most of my experiences were in the Methodist church and we attend a (very loose) ELCA lutheran church now. 

Our church was terrible and my mom didn't realize how bad it was until it had shaped my religious beliefs (or, really, ensured I would never believe). She figured it out when she went to the priest to report that my father was abusing her and us and his response was that she had sworn before god to stay with him for life and that she needed to work harder to keep him happy so we would stay safe.

That's awful.

penguingrrl

roses&65335678 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

Yea, I guess, I don't remember ever begin scared as a kid. But we never went to any kind of fire and brimstone church or anything like that. Most of my experiences were in the Methodist church and we attend a (very loose) ELCA lutheran church now. 

Our church was terrible and my mom didn't realize how bad it was until it had shaped my religious beliefs (or, really, ensured I would never believe). She figured it out when she went to the priest to report that my father was abusing her and us and his response was that she had sworn before god to stay with him for life and that she needed to work harder to keep him happy so we would stay safe.

That's awful.

It was horrible. Thankfully my mother decided to leave my dad anyway. She felt that meant she was no longer a Catholic in good standing so she left the church as well because of it. Years later she learned that in her situation he should have advocated divorce, he was just an old priest who was ignoring changes in beliefs.

penguingrrl

LalaMama81 said:

roses&65335678 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

Yea, I guess, I don't remember ever begin scared as a kid. But we never went to any kind of fire and brimstone church or anything like that. Most of my experiences were in the Methodist church and we attend a (very loose) ELCA lutheran church now. 

Our church was terrible and my mom didn't realize how bad it was until it had shaped my religious beliefs (or, really, ensured I would never believe). She figured it out when she went to the priest to report that my father was abusing her and us and his response was that she had sworn before god to stay with him for life and that she needed to work harder to keep him happy so we would stay safe.

That's awful.

Seriously, I am sorry. That is not how church or pastors/priests should be, at all.

Thank you. We realized years later that a) he was going against the policy of the church (he was supposed to report that to police) and b) his was a very old-school mentality and he was ignoring policy and current teachings. Unfortunately it left my siblings and me very soured on organized religion.

penguingrrl

LalaMama81 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

roses&65335678 said:

penguingrrl said:

LalaMama81 said:

Yea, I guess, I don't remember ever begin scared as a kid. But we never went to any kind of fire and brimstone church or anything like that. Most of my experiences were in the Methodist church and we attend a (very loose) ELCA lutheran church now. 

Our church was terrible and my mom didn't realize how bad it was until it had shaped my religious beliefs (or, really, ensured I would never believe). She figured it out when she went to the priest to report that my father was abusing her and us and his response was that she had sworn before god to stay with him for life and that she needed to work harder to keep him happy so we would stay safe.

That's awful.

Seriously, I am sorry. That is not how church or pastors/priests should be, at all.

Thank you. We realized years later that a) he was going against the policy of the church (he was supposed to report that to police) and b) his was a very old-school mentality and he was ignoring policy and current teachings. Unfortunately it left my siblings and me very soured on organized religion.

I believe it. It saddens me, both for what your mom must have felt like then and how it has soured you guys. I've probably been very lucky to have mostly positive experiences w/ religions, churches, pastors, etc. 

Thank you. It was hard on my mother because she came from a very strongly Catholic family and felt guilty about divorcing to begin with, so at first his advice confirmed her worst fears. 

AprilLVE

It is so sad how many people have been driven away from the church by bad priests. Obviously, they are only human and can be very flawed. It is just a shame when they are so wrong. Especially for your mom, since obviously her faith meant a lot to her.

Disneygeek77

lexusolsen said:

Is this where I admit that I won't take the kids to church on Easter or tell them the story of Easter because I feel it's too violent for them to hear (we're not religious, so it's unlikely we would go anyway; we celebrate due to tradition and because ILs are very religious and would be hurt if we didn't come)? My kids are too scared to watch Brave. When we watched it both had nightmares for weeks because of the bears. No way I am telling them someone rose from the dead. They would never sleep again!

Up until the accident last month we were church-goers with some theological differences than the Catholic Church we attended. Dh and I no longer have any desire to go back yet, who knows if we will ever want to. Dd still goes to the preschool there but we just explained to her that her little brother isn't coming back from the dead- how am I supposed to explain that Jesus did but Ben won't?

DD hasn't asked if her sister will come back from the dead.  Her sister died before she was born, but I think she understands that her sister is in heaven.  She sometimes talks about going to heaven to see her or to see Jesus.  At first her questions about death and her sister were very difficult, but they have become easier to answer as time has gone on.  

I also understand having issues with your belief system and faith.  The first year after Sophia's death were a very dark and lonely time for the both of us.  Grief counseling did help us and again in time I have reconciled my relationship with God, but it did take years.  

I think of you and your family often and you all are still in my prayers.  

penguingrrl

Thank you ladies. These kind words mean a lot! 

Hollylb3

@Disneygeek77‌, I've seen you mention your dd's death a few times, but do you mind me asking what happened? If you've talked about it, I missed it. So sorry for your loss.

Disneygeek77

She has several birth defects.  Three heart defects as well as defects in her trachea and esophogas and her duodendum.  She was also born at 32 weeks.   She lived for about 4 months but passed away shortly after having open heart surgery.

Hollylb3

Disneygeek77 said:

She has several birth defects.  Three heart defects as well as defects in her trachea and esophogas and her duodendum.  She was also born at 32 weeks.   She lived for about 4 months but passed away shortly after having open heart surgery.

I'm so sorry, that's awful.

lexusolsen

Disneygeek77 said:

lexusolsen said:

penguingrrl said:

Is this where I admit that I won't take the kids to church on Easter or tell them the story of Easter because I feel it's too violent for them to hear (we're not religious, so it's unlikely we would go anyway; we celebrate due to tradition and because ILs are very religious and would be hurt if we didn't come)? My kids are too scared to watch Brave. When we watched it both had nightmares for weeks because of the bears. No way I am telling them someone rose from the dead. They would never sleep again!

Up until the accident last month we were church-goers with some theological differences than the Catholic Church we attended. Dh and I no longer have any desire to go back yet, who knows if we will ever want to. Dd still goes to the preschool there but we just explained to her that her little brother isn't coming back from the dead- how am I supposed to explain that Jesus did but Ben won't?

DD hasn't asked if her sister will come back from the dead.  Her sister died before she was born, but I think she understands that her sister is in heaven.  She sometimes talks about going to heaven to see her or to see Jesus.  At first her questions about death and her sister were very difficult, but they have become easier to answer as time has gone on.  

I also understand having issues with your belief system and faith.  The first year after Sophia's death were a very dark and lonely time for the both of us.  Grief counseling did help us and again in time I have reconciled my relationship with God, but it did take years.  

I think of you and your family often and you all are still in my prayers.  

Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss as well. We are both in individual grief counseling and will attend our first support group tomorrow. My husband is very angry at God, I just don't care anymore. We have decided not to put pressure on ourselves to make a decision about religion. We are just going to take it as it comes.

Katie specifically asked (after we repeated the version of events we told her- the dr took Ben out of my tummy but he was too small so God took him to heaven to be an angel) when Ben would come back. She seems to grasp it a little better now. But I sincerely believe that if I tell her that Jesus rose from the dead, a week after I told her that being dead meant Ben would stay in heaven and not come back, would confuse her.

Disneygeek77

That's understandable.  It is a difficult concept to grasp and I also understand why you just don't want to talk about it.  I think what you told her was very good.  

penguingrrl

Kimbus22 said:

@Disneygeek77, @lexusolsen & @penguingrrl -  I just want to say I'm so sorry to all of you.  I realize that means little from a stranger but I want to hug you all.  Life is just not fair at all.

Thank you!

raraavis28

Kimbus22 said:

@Disneygeek77, @lexusolsen & @penguingrrl -  I just want to say I'm so sorry to all of you.  I realize that means little from a stranger but I want to hug you all.  Life is just not fair at all.

Took the words out of my mouth....big hugs to you all.

Disneygeek77

Kimbus22 said:

@Disneygeek77, @lexusolsen & @penguingrrl -  I just want to say I'm so sorry to all of you.  I realize that means little from a stranger but I want to hug you all.  Life is just not fair at all.

Thank you.