What shall I call this discussion?

TittsMcGee

Please forgive me I didn't know what to name this discussion.

I want to call it "I am judging my stupid cousin"

 

I just found out that my 42 y/o cousin who has 3 girls (7, 12 , and 18) is pregnant with her 4th child. I am trying not to judge her but I am.

She's had 2 miscarriages that we know of and her doctor warned her that she is high risk due to her age and the history of 2 miscarriages.

 

When I talked to her she said she didn't know she was pregnant.  I mean how do you not know you're 5 months along? I guess she went in for her well check up and they told her.

 

I know her husband always wanted a boy and she did mention that she's kind of sad its not a boy.

Ugh...I just wanted to tell her that she should be happy that she already has 3 healthy kids and that its very selfish of her and her husband to put her life in danger (not to mention the baby) because they wanted a boy.

I cant help but wonder that that child is not as wanted now that they know its a girl.

 

 

 

 

TittsMcGee

Idiots.

*kicks dirt*

KS02CS08

Ya my cousin is like this. She had cervical cancer and instead of getting treatment she had 2 more kids. I don't know why she would be so selfish!

TittsMcGee

MissPeansMama said:

Yeah, that's pretty selfish. Makes you wonder if they will try yet again for a boy.

I hope not. They have an 18 year old who's old enough to know what her parents are doing. Not to mention that he has a 24 year old from his previous marriage.

I need to stop judging them for this.

Helenahhandbasket

It's hard to say.

I have a cousin that had a very complicated twin pregnancy (they were very premature and one passed shortly after birth) and then a very complicated singleton pregnancy that she had to TFMR at 20 weeks.  Through testing she found out that both her and her H are both carriers for a genetic mutation, but they kept trying to have another baby, despite the fact that there was something like a 50% chance the mutation would express itself again.  She wound up not being able to concieve again, and is OAD.

This all went down when I was in my early 20s, so way before I was even married, and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why she would want to put herself through all of that.  Now, I will say as a mother, although I don't know if I would go through all of that myself, I at least understand the desire.

 

Maybe there's more to the story?

Or maybe your cuz is cray-- just trying to play devil's advocate.

TittsMcGee

Helenahhandbasket said:

It's hard to say.

I have a cousin that had a very complicated twin pregnancy (they were very premature and one passed shortly after birth) and then a very complicated singleton pregnancy that she had to TFMR at 20 weeks.  Through testing she found out that both her and her H are both carriers for a genetic mutation, but they kept trying to have another baby, despite the fact that there was something like a 50% chance the mutation would express itself again.  She wound up not being able to concieve again, and is OAD.

This all went down when I was in my early 20s, so way before I was even married, and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why she would want to put herself through all of that.  Now, I will say as a mother, although I don't know if I would go through all of that myself, I at least understand the desire.

 

Maybe there's more to the story?

Or maybe your cuz is cray-- just trying to play devil's advocate.

Her H is the only boy in his family and wants to pass on the last name.

I understand this but I cant understand that passing on a last name is more important than your wives & your child's health.

Maybe I am judging more than I should but they're the 3rd family we know that has more than 2 girls and has made comments about wanting/regretting they don't have a boy.

Just keep the comments to yourself. It makes them sound like they're not grateful for what they have.

Rant over

TittsMcGee

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

42?  Jesus.  Do she and her husband not want to have couple time again once the kids are older?  I never understand people who have babies that late in life.  They will be in their sixties, close to seventies by the time that kid is out of the house probably.

This couple wanted a boy.

 

I can understand couples who have kids later in life due to infertility issues or just getting married later in life.

But this..I just..I don't know..

Helenahhandbasket

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

42?  Jesus.  Do she and her husband not want to have couple time again once the kids are older?  I never understand people who have babies that late in life.  They will be in their sixties, close to seventies by the time that kid is out of the house probably.

I don't know.

Obvioulsy, if you are just having a baby to get a certian sex at any point in your life I am side-eyeing you. 

But life can throw you a lot of curveballs.  I can totally see why someone in their 40s would want to have a baby.

TittsMcGee

Helenahhandbasket said:

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

42?  Jesus.  Do she and her husband not want to have couple time again once the kids are older?  I never understand people who have babies that late in life.  They will be in their sixties, close to seventies by the time that kid is out of the house probably.

I don't know.

Obvioulsy, if you are just having a baby to get a certian sex at any point in your life I am side-eyeing you. 

But life can throw you a lot of curveballs.  I can totally see why someone in their 40s would want to have a baby.

I can totally understand people having kids when they're older, for various reasons but to keep having kids and say you're going for a certain sex just makes no sense to me.

 

Helenahhandbasket

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

Meh, maybe it is just me then.  I can acknowledge at times it happens for various reasons.  And it's certainly better than 22.   I've always thought I wanted the kids to be out of the house, etc while H and I are still relatively young.  Older, but not elderly I guess.

Oh I totally get you.  I would love to say there's no way in the hottest depths of hell that I would consider a baby at 42.

But I couldn't say for sure, because I have no idea what my life will look like then.

Also, my mom had my half brother at 41.  It was her second marriage - he had no kids.  I was 14 and my other brother was 10.  I am sure that's not how she pictured her life either, but shit happens.

Helenahhandbasket

KS02CS08 said:

Ya my cousin is like this. She had cervical cancer and instead of getting treatment she had 2 more kids. I don't know why she would be so selfish!

MrsCodeMonkey

I feel like their reproductive choices are none of our business, but yes, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.