Sad. Frustrated. (Child mentioned)

Mommalawyer

Today is DDs birthday. I thought to myself today even though it is a few days early, a BFP on DD birthday would be such a great thing. I was feeling pretty hopeful about it all. However, it was a BFN. My heart hurts in ways I never thought possible & have laid in bed most of the morning sending unhappy texts to DH regarding the situation. I really thought that the iui would work with all of DHs sperm issues. Turns out I was wrong. After everything I went through with the cycle- getting OHSS, all the effects of being on fertility meds, nearly losing my job.... I feel like it's all been for nothing. My life will be incomplete without a baby. I don't know if I'd ever get over it. I can't describe how my heart hurts & the feeling of complete hopelessness. This BFN hurt more than any of the others.

athlete010688

I'm sorry.  Hugs!

CandaceC1020

Saw your post in the check in.  You're only 11 days past IUI.  You're certainly not out yet.  Some folks don't get a positive test until 14 days past (I've read even further out too). 

Mommalawyer

@CandaceC1020‌ - I know. I think I've just been spending too much time on google. I tested out my trigger which was gone by day 8/9 and it's been stark white ever since. And when I researched it, anyone that got a BFP had a squinter atleast by this time. I know it's bad to compare yourself to others, but sometimes it's the only thing that gives you hope. And the AF symptoms are starting to trickle in, so I feel mother natures impending doom upon me. Muhahahaha...

CandaceC1020

I can understand.  I spent a good deal of time on google researching IF treatments, side effects of IUIs, TWW garbage.  It's hard to not google and it's even harder to stop. We're going to have our days that suck and we're going to have our good days.   I've read online posts where people didn't get their BFP until 14-16 days past IUI.  You're not out until you're officially out.  The most important thing is that we need to stay positive throughout this.

MissEm15

I'm sorry.. but you're not out yet! Just remember your first IUI you have like a 2-5% chance of it working. The next one it jumps to like 20%. Plus the doctor will better know how your body will respond to the meds. I know I have already mentioned in another thread, but I had zero symptoms and neg. test at 12dpo. Turns out I was wrong (see siggy)... but I know it's hard to stay positive. Hugs to you this week!! 

Sami14vb

I am so sorry.  I know your pain all too well.  I hope that you get to a place of peace amongst your pain.  Hugs.

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry! Hopefully it's not too late....

Lillovebug79

I'm sorry {{hugs}}. I know that feeling very well. I've taken the day off work just to cry from a BFN. It seems like the more invested you are in a cycle with injects, frequent monitoring, IUI, time, and money, the harder the disappointment when it doesn't work. But the upside is that every time AF comes, it's a chance for a new cycle. MFI is so hard because it's really hard to protect their feelings while experiencing such disappointment and being super hormonal.
You aren't out yet! FX that your BFP is coming!

jaztastic

Momma L!!!! Im soo soo sorry. This really sucks. Sending you big hugs!! So many of us, too many of us, know the feeling and heartbreak of a BFN. And its even worse when you've done all you can do and sacrificed so much. I hope the dawn of a new day, brings some peace your way. 

Mommalawyer

You guys are all so awesome! Thank you for your support. DH is just like, "oh well, we'll try again." So not helpful. I think I was in operating in some sort of ignorant bliss or thinking I'd get beginners luck. I've had a significant amount of struggles in life, but have always found a way to make things work. IF doesn't work that way. It doesn't matter how hard you try or if you take a different approach. It's out of your control.

Lillovebug79

So true!!! And if you are a bit of a control freak like I am, it's absolutely terrible! It just sucks any way you look at it. But hopefully you will get lucky soon!

Pintobean39

I'm sorry but I'm with everyone else you aren't out yet. Good luck!

Mommalawyer

After some serious thought, I do believe that this IS somewhat my fault though. I really believed that I'd have some sort of control over it, if I did everything right by the book & then some, duh. No. However, half of DDs chocolate cake has put me into a happy chocolate coma, which I'll certainly regret later. But for now, it's amazing!

Lm92599

@mommalawyer how are you holding up? Thinking of you.

Mommalawyer

@Lm92599‌ - I'm hanging in there. 13dpiui and still a negative test. Deep down I know that it's not going to magically appear positive tomorrow. Getting myself mentally prepared for possibly iui#2 or if I just want to call it quits. Thinking of questions to ask RE & so on.... Thanks for checking!

Lm92599

@Mommalawyer don't give up. I am sorry. I have that sinking feeling that from here on out mine will be stark white too.. I kept staring at the blank test this morning. I know I am only 9dpiui but of course google is harsh and people get BFP early. UGH. Hang in there. I will be sending you all my positive vibes tomorrow. I think some question asking is a great idea! Maybe you will get a better idea of what path to take next. ((Hugs))

Mommalawyer

@Lm92599‌ - good luck!! I'm keeping FX crossed for you! Google is the devil during the 2WW. I've spent more time than I'd care to admit looking at other peoples pee stick pictures online while they too tested out their trigger. Dumb. And the crazy phantom symptom spotting or lack there of..... If I'm negative tomorrow, I'm having an ice cold beer.

Lm92599

@Mommalawyer yeah another stark white this morning 10dpiui. I am with you, I refuse to admit how much time I have spent looking at peoples pee sticks and google! DAMN GOOGLE! and Damn this progesterone giving me stupid symptoms. I should have learned from my IVF failure. I will be joining you for an ice cold beer soon too. Thanks for the FX.