Seriously just need a vent-long

Ryanswifey619

Ladies, I just need a vent, I've been venting to my bro and DH and they feel the same way and have heard this, but I'm just trying not to pull my hair out. My sis lives with us, she has her own car, which is not working-may need a new fuel pump-she doesn't budget her money great, so she always needs help with gas. We can't really afford to help her and buy a new fuel pump, but honestly it would be cheaper at this point. We've been driving around 200mi everyday taking her to work and back then picking her up again that night. My mom and grams live in town so she could honestly stay in town and have them take her to work so we wouldn't have to keep putting gas in our car. She hasn't even offered this option, just keeps asking everyday who's taking her to work. I'm trying to be patient since she gets paid Friday, but she's only paying a little money for gas. I have no idea what to say/do. I mentioned that it might be easier to stay with mom, but she kinda brushed it off. I also hate loading J up every day twice a day. She hates being in her carseat and always ends up screaming and fighting us going into it.
thanks ladies.

kelly422

You're gonna have to sit down and have a heart to heart with her! That's selfish of her to just expect you to change your schedule to accommodate her without any compensation. Maybe come up with a rotation so other family members can help, too. If you pay for her fuel pump, make a payment plan so she will pay you back for it. Confrontation sucks but you're gonna have to do it!

Ryanswifey619

kelly422 said:

You're gonna have to sit down and have a heart to heart with her! That's selfish of her to just expect you to change your schedule to accommodate her without any compensation. Maybe come up with a rotation so other family members can help, too. If you pay for her fuel pump, make a payment plan so she will pay you back for it. Confrontation sucks but you're gonna have to do it!

We've been doing a rotation when we can with my bro-who lives with us too-and DH, but they work on 3rd and usually leave before I have to pick her up. My mom was going to get her, but she wouldn't be home til after my sister got off. I hate confrontation, but it's just getting to the point, especially with J super angry every time now, that I think I'm going to have to.

Ryanswifey619

Thanks for the ideas, I'm willing to try anything cause we are just feeling burnt out now. I talked to my mom today and she said she being happy helping out with my sister staying there, so maybe she'll try that. Thanks for all the ideas

ASmallWonder

I'm going to give you some tough love.  Both your brother AND sister live with you? You need to stop enabling whatever behavior is keeping them from living on their own.  I understand things happen and you didn't get into the reasons why but I think it speaks volumes that you have two adult siblings living with you.

She needs to be told that she has to coordinate her own way to work.  End of story.  At a minimum, she needs to pay you UP FRONT out of her checks the money it will cost you for gas, plus money for wear and tear on your car.  Seriously.  She brushed off your suggestion to live someplace else?  Don't let her.  Don't make it a suggestion.  Tell her that you were happy to help her but the burden has become too much and she's going to have to seek help elsewhere.

Ryanswifey619

elmoali said:

I'm going to give you some tough love.  Both your brother AND sister live with you? You need to stop enabling whatever behavior is keeping them from living on their own.  I understand things happen and you didn't get into the reasons why but I think it speaks volumes that you have two adult siblings living with you.

She needs to be told that she has to coordinate her own way to work.  End of story.  At a minimum, she needs to pay you UP FRONT out of her checks the money it will cost you for gas, plus money for wear and tear on your car.  Seriously.  She brushed off your suggestion to live someplace else?  Don't let her.  Don't make it a suggestion.  Tell her that you were happy to help her but the burden has become too much and she's going to have to seek help elsewhere.

With my brother-he's the youngest of us-, he went to college, struggled financially there, and he lives with us while he finds an apt. He's been amazing, helps out with bills, cleaning, etc while he works and looks for an apt so we don't have a problem with him there, but with my sister, I am guilty of enabling here and being too easy with her, which like you, said needs to stop. She doesn't have any reason for not being able to live on her own other than not being good with budgeting money-which my bro said he'd help with. I talked to DH and my mom, my mom said she could help out with her staying there and DH said we will sit down and talk to her about what needs to be done. Hopefully, she will have her car fixed this weekend. The sad part is that's my brother, who is younger than her, is more mature than she is.

Ryanswifey619

All I can say is thanks much for the advice/support. It's really nice knowing I can come here, vent, and have you ladies there to talk to and bounce ideas off of. It's been a long day, but it's nice knowing I have a great support group here