I NEED to talk about BABIES.

NevaraDB

Something happened to me and suddenly I need to talk about babies.  I don't have a sister, my mom isn't a girly girl and thinks I'm obsessing, and my hubby doesn't have much to say except how excited he is for me to get pregnant.  I just want to talk about my plans for my life and I want to hear all about YOUR plans for your life and YOUR baby. 

I want to talk about how the outfits on Etsy are soooo adorable.  I want to talk about my fears about going off my ADD meds for the first time in my life after I find out I'm preggo.  I want to talk about my nursery themes, and my babymoon to Hawaii in May.  I want to talk about it all! 

We have to wait a few months before we start TTC'ing for medical reasons, so I'm going stir-crazy. 

Anyone else in my boat?

normandyn7

Wait. I'm confused. So you are not pregnant? I thought a babymoon was for when you are pregnant and it's like the last trip you take before the baby comes. Or is it the trip where you guys are planning on starting TTC?

I got pregnant unexpected a month after getting married so I never really had full blown baby fever. My hormones were all weird after my son was born and I was sure I wanted another baby ASAP but now that they are leveling out I don't have those feelings anymore. Good luck!

Also, be careful going crazy talking about babies all the time. Sometimes it annoys people, especially husbands haha. I get my baby fix by coming here.

Meery82

So what are your plans? When do you plan to start trying? (Edit: just saw siggy )

My husband and I have been together for a long time. Like, I was 19 and he was 21. We just got married in 2010. We are not ones to rush into anything. It really got annoying hearing everyone keep asking when we were going to get married. We just said that we are in no rush and will when we are ready. Then we eventually decided we were ready and did it. Same with having a baby. Finally decided we were ready. Had our first in June 2012. We plan on having one more, sometime in the new few years. Just not quite ready to start trying yet. Most of what's holding us back are costs, especially daycare! Oh, currently he is 33 and I am 31. 

And I'm jealous of your Hawaii trip, too! I have a friend who is there now and I kinda hate her for it.

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Meery82

Ooh, I forgot nursery theme. We did pale blue and dark brown. I've always loved that color combo. I found a beautiful bedding set at Restoration Hardware.

NevaraDB

Oh! So MY version of a baby moon is just a last big trip before a baby... Whether I'm pregnant or not. I won't be pregnant yet, but that's ok! I'm still calling it a baby moon. Lol! I'm loving gray right now as an accent color or base color with a pop of color for the accent. I'm avoiding talking about babies to pretty much anyone but this board! I'm supposed to wait til July to start trying for IgG deficiency reasons. Can't have a winter baby without major risks of prematurity due to the ease with which I catch illnesses that are likely to cause premature birth. It's complicated, but I'm willing to wait. Safety of my child comes first. Some part of me thinks I'm nuts for doing this.... Will I even survive a pregnancy? Will it just be really hard? Or will it go much easier than expected? Guess you can't know.

NevaraDB

Dhester. We are going to Hawaii on points. No cash. We paid for everything with points, including excursions, car rental, and some meals. Go to milesmomma.com for info on how we did it.

8411mommy

The nursery we did for our dd was bubblegum pink walls with glitter in the pant... then we had the jill jungle theme from babies r us.

this next time around i am loving the gray accent as well. I'm thinking about doing one of the walls chevron or striped too.

Or I have thought of doing a hunting or fishing theme if it is a boy.

& if you have netflix you HAVE to watch call the midwife! Its a must watch while having baby fever.

PuppyLove84

I find my friends who have kids are more willing to talk about babies than my friends without.  I love asking them questions about their kids, because I feel like I have so much to learn before having one myself!  They are usually happy to talk about their kids, much like I am happy to talk about my dog. :-)

Hawaii will be amazing!  We went to Maui for our honeymoon and it was so much fun!  We're going to Europe in a couple weeks and when we get back, time to start TTC!  I am excited but also nervous.  And just trying not to get my hopes up too much because I know it can take a while even if everything is working right!

WashingtonQueen

I could talk Etsy outfits all day long. This is the outfit we had made for DD to wear when we announced her birth and name.

NevaraDB

I don't know... My OBGYN just said to wait til July.

NevaraDB

WhoCanItBeNow said:

NevaraDB said:

I don't know... My OBGYN just said to wait til July.

Is your OB also the one that told you that you are automatically high risk due to your weight?


Have you done any research on your own or are you blindly following you OB and not questioning anything? Doctors are human. They make mistakes and don't know everything about everything. Your OB is not an expert on immunology. Your OB and immunologist should be working together for your pregnancy. You don't even mention discussing this with your immunologist.

No, she didn't say I was high risk because of my weight, but because of my lap band.  Which unless you have a lap band you wouldn't understand how that makes you high risk.  But it definitely does.  Throwing up too much in the morning can cause the band to slip up around my esophagus.  Lack of healthy weight gain because i DID have a weight loss surgery, can be a problem.  Not to mention the pressure on the band from baby can cause it to erode right into my stomach lining and cause major infection. 

My immune system....  no one is particularly worried about it more than I am.  I am the one who has done ALL the research.  Neither my internist, or my OBGYN has the faintest about what to do with an IgG deficiency since it's rather rare.  So I'm stuck doing the research on my own.  I'm the one who suggested I not have my last trimester during the winter, to which they agreed.  I suggested that based on my research. But maybe, as suggested here, I should avoid the winter months being during my second trimester instead????  I DO trust my Obgyn, but I also know her knowledge is limited about my immune system.  I've been trying to get in to see an immunologist, and just now got up the $300 it's going to take to see him.  There's only 3 of them in my area, so here's to hoping I can get in soon and get good viable advice. 

NevaraDB

so basically, I know nothing about premature births at all.  I don't know what months they're most likely to happen in... I always think of pregnancy as being divided into three trimesters, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, with 3 months in each of them.  I am confused as to which trimester is higher risk for premature babies.....  isn't anything after 24 weeks survivable in some cases and below 36 considered too early?  See, lack of knowledge.  That's why I'm hoping being around here will tidy that up.  I do have the mayo clinic book, but that mostly pertains to healthy pregnancies. 

sandrabrooke

Can I have your daycare prices?  I'd be lucky to find anything under 300 a week near me.  

Wine&Cupcakes

NevaraDB said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

NevaraDB said:

I don't know... My OBGYN just said to wait til July.

Is your OB also the one that told you that you are automatically high risk due to your weight?


Have you done any research on your own or are you blindly following you OB and not questioning anything? Doctors are human. They make mistakes and don't know everything about everything. Your OB is not an expert on immunology. Your OB and immunologist should be working together for your pregnancy. You don't even mention discussing this with your immunologist.

No, she didn't say I was high risk because of my weight, but because of my lap band.  Which unless you have a lap band you wouldn't understand how that makes you high risk.  But it definitely does.  Throwing up too much in the morning can cause the band to slip up around my esophagus.  Lack of healthy weight gain because i DID have a weight loss surgery, can be a problem.  Not to mention the pressure on the band from baby can cause it to erode right into my stomach lining and cause major infection. 

My immune system....  no one is particularly worried about it more than I am.  I am the one who has done ALL the research.  Neither my internist, or my OBGYN has the faintest about what to do with an IgG deficiency since it's rather rare.  So I'm stuck doing the research on my own.  I'm the one who suggested I not have my last trimester during the winter, to which they agreed.  I suggested that based on my research. But maybe, as suggested here, I should avoid the winter months being during my second trimester instead????  I DO trust my Obgyn, but I also know her knowledge is limited about my immune system.  I've been trying to get in to see an immunologist, and just now got up the $300 it's going to take to see him.  There's only 3 of them in my area, so here's to hoping I can get in soon and get good viable advice. 

So I have a genetic issue that is incredibly rare - dare I say even more than the IgG Deficiency - its super important that you FIND someone familiar with it to treat you. I will likely be considered high risk not because I actually will be high risk, but because a HIGH RISK OB would be the only care provider who is familiar with my diagnosis - and they will be in constant communication with my metabolic clinic, which includes my doctor and dietician.

I researched the crap out of everything. Doctors are idiots like everyone else. Don't rely on them for you care - you need to do your own research in order to have in informed conversation and direct your care to where you feel comfortable, as well as to ask questions.

Wine&Cupcakes

WhoCanItBeNow said:

I think you are confused about what a high risk pregnancy is, and everything I read about lap bands- as long as it has been 18 months, you should be fine. I threw up once when I was pregnant.

It took you months to come with $300 for a needed medical visit? How the fuck are you going to pay for a child?

Prior to 37 weeks is premature, Prior to 39 is preterm. Prior to 24 weeks they will not attempt any live saving measures due to severe prematurity. Survival rates are low at 24 weeks and chances for long term serious issues are extremely high. Premature birth can happen at ANY point. The mayo clinic book talks about premature births unless they have taken that out since I bought mine. You want to aim for 39-41. 24 is not an acceptable goal. Nor is 28, or 32 or 36.

I agree with this. Not everyone is going to save up the $30k emergency fund that people hold to the holy high gold standard, but $300 shouldn't take months to save.

Since you are high risk, you will have many many appointments. DH and I aren't even TTC right now yet we have already fielded $800 in medical costs for genetic testing, with another $1700 down the pipe if DH needs to be tested too. That's not including the home blood testing supplies I will need, special formula, and frequent metabolic clinic appointments with a specialist. You will have similar follow-ups with your lab doctor and immuno doctor  as well.

This isn't even including standard pregnancy costs - such as furnishing/necessities for baby, time off of work, deductibles (x2 since you OB practice will likely ask for your deductible in full by 24 weeks but then you will be responsible for paying it again when the hospital files insurance papers first and you need to wait on your OB's reimbursement) plus childcare, and the medical costs associated with a young baby. The list goes on.

Meery82

Wine&Cupcakes said:

NevaraDB said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

NevaraDB said:

I don't know... My OBGYN just said to wait til July.

Is your OB also the one that told you that you are automatically high risk due to your weight?


Have you done any research on your own or are you blindly following you OB and not questioning anything? Doctors are human. They make mistakes and don't know everything about everything. Your OB is not an expert on immunology. Your OB and immunologist should be working together for your pregnancy. You don't even mention discussing this with your immunologist.

No, she didn't say I was high risk because of my weight, but because of my lap band.  Which unless you have a lap band you wouldn't understand how that makes you high risk.  But it definitely does.  Throwing up too much in the morning can cause the band to slip up around my esophagus.  Lack of healthy weight gain because i DID have a weight loss surgery, can be a problem.  Not to mention the pressure on the band from baby can cause it to erode right into my stomach lining and cause major infection. 

My immune system....  no one is particularly worried about it more than I am.  I am the one who has done ALL the research.  Neither my internist, or my OBGYN has the faintest about what to do with an IgG deficiency since it's rather rare.  So I'm stuck doing the research on my own.  I'm the one who suggested I not have my last trimester during the winter, to which they agreed.  I suggested that based on my research. But maybe, as suggested here, I should avoid the winter months being during my second trimester instead????  I DO trust my Obgyn, but I also know her knowledge is limited about my immune system.  I've been trying to get in to see an immunologist, and just now got up the $300 it's going to take to see him.  There's only 3 of them in my area, so here's to hoping I can get in soon and get good viable advice. 

So I have a genetic issue that is incredibly rare - dare I say even more than the IgG Deficiency - its super important that you FIND someone familiar with it to treat you. I will likely be considered high risk not because I actually will be high risk, but because a HIGH RISK OB would be the only care provider who is familiar with my diagnosis - and they will be in constant communication with my metabolic clinic, which includes my doctor and dietician.

I researched the crap out of everything. Doctors are idiots like everyone else. Don't rely on them for you care - you need to do your own research in order to have in informed conversation and direct your care to where you feel comfortable, as well as to ask questions.

@wine&cupcakes, mind if I ask what your genetic issue is? Nosy nurse here and all 

NevaraDB

Again, the judgmental nature of this board is shocking. Perhaps it's one person that has taken special aim at me, but whatever the case, it took me months to save up because I just finished spending $7,000 out of pocket for OTHER medical expenses. Aside from that, I appreciate y'all are trying to look out for me by making me aware of financials, but my husband happens to be a financial advisor who comes from a family of 6 kids, so we aren't totally blind to the challenges here. Yes, SAHM, no daycare needed. Yes, I need to find a doc to help me... Yes my doc did say that I needed to see the high risk OB. That's the next appt.

24karat

Kimbus22 said:

NevaraDB said:

Again, the judgmental nature of this board is shocking.

Perhaps it's one person that has taken special aim at me, but whatever the case, it took me months to save up because I just finished spending $7,000 out of pocket for OTHER medical expenses.

Aside from that, I appreciate y'all are trying to look out for me by making me aware of financials, but my husband happens to be a financial advisor who comes from a family of 6 kids, so we aren't totally blind to the challenges here.





Yes, SAHM, no daycare needed.


Yes, I need to find a doc to help me... Yes my doc did say that I needed to see the high risk OB. That's the next appt.

o

If your H is a financial adviser, he should be advising you to hold off on your TTC journey until $300 is not a months long process to save.  I'm not high risk and have already spend that on blood work and ultrasounds, even with my good insurance.  The fact that you just cleared out your savings to pay other bills means you should probably take some time to save more before embarking on what is likely to be a longer and more expensive journey than most have to deal with.



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Yep, this. What if you beat the odds and get the twins you want? An u/s costs ~$175 per time x2 (everything is double billed with twins, so it's not BOGO) and due to complications, I had them weekly after 1st Tri. Add in weekly $90 NSTs in 3rd Tri, blood work at $200-$500 per time, weekly prenatal appointments, monthly MFM (high risk OB) consults, then ~$28,000 for L&D plus more if NICU or home-care (i.e. Wallaby for jaundice) is needed. We added it up once and the weekly cost of my prenatal care in 3rd Tri before insurance was over $700. That's just an abbreviated example of what we encountered with a twin pregnancy. Even with great insurance your care will cost a lot out of pocket so it's definitely something worth considering for your sake as well as your family's.

Pookieson

WhoCanItBeNow said:

NevaraDB said:

Oh! So MY version of a baby moon is just a last big trip before a baby... Whether I'm pregnant or not. I won't be pregnant yet, but that's ok! I'm still calling it a baby moon. Lol! I'm loving gray right now as an accent color or base color with a pop of color for the accent. I'm avoiding talking about babies to pretty much anyone but this board! I'm supposed to wait til July to start trying for IgG deficiency reasons. Can't have a winter baby without major risks of prematurity due to the ease with which I catch illnesses that are likely to cause premature birth. It's complicated, but I'm willing to wait. Safety of my child comes first. Some part of me thinks I'm nuts for doing this.... Will I even survive a pregnancy? Will it just be really hard? Or will it go much easier than expected? Guess you can't know.

Or you can be normal and just call it a vacation.

I thought I was crazy for not knowing WTF that was.  Then I read on and thought, "Why not just call it a fucking vacation?"   8-|

Pookieson

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Or say that you have good insurance and it wonderfully covers the majority of anything maternity related. Hooray for you. You are at higher risk of preterm labor, which means much higher likelihood of a NICU stay.

My son was full term (41w). He spent a week in the NICU with minimal intervention after his first day. Pretty much some oxygen and we will wait and see how long it takes for him to get better. That week was billed at $24,767 (Yes, I know the number. I wanted to puke when that EOB came through). Even if you have global maternity coverage- NICU admissions are not maternity. They are a separate admission and billable under your child, which puts those charges subject to your child's annual deductible, copays, and coinsurance. As someone higher risk of a premature delivery, that is probably something you should have a contingency plan in place for.

This. all. day. long.  I am high-risk.  I have a 28-weeker who is now seven.  In 2006, her EOB was 1.3 million.  My hospital stay was another 30 grand.  I ended up $8000 out of pocket (could have been much worse).  The very first thing DH and I looked into before trying to conceive is the what if scenario.  What if I'm preterm?  What does insurance cover?  Who will watch DD if she is in school and we end up at another hospital (we are a rural-ish city)?  How much should we have in savings in case we both take excess time off of work.  If you have depleted your savings and are having to save for months for $300 dollars, you may want to pump the brakes.  Not to mention, you have not spoke with anyone qualified and/or done your own research as to what your high-risk pregnancy may possibly hold for you.

edit: words