My random NWMR vent.

shannm

I have no where else to put this but I need to put it out somewhere.

I think it is ridiculous that I find out that my brother is getting married this Sunday at my parents house via a text from my mother. RIDICULOUS

Oh, and it wasn't an invitation, just an FYI.

Sigh, vent over.

MommyAtty

That sucks. Sounds much like my family.

shannm

Estwd2 said:

Huh. Are you close with your brother otherwise?

We are not close but we (I) respect the fact that we are family. For example, he and his fiancé and kids spent three days at our house for thanksgiving last year.

I think he (or his fiancé) is upset that I still talk to his ex-wife. Not frequently but her mom recently had a massive stroke so I reached out to support her. They were married for over ten years and she is the mother of my niece and nephew. They only divorced last year.

He also has a learning disability so I can usually explain away his inappropriate behavior. I think I am more frustrated that my mom thinks it is ok to tell me via one text, two days ago, just before she posts on Facebook that she is excitedly decorating the house.

mae0111

Just from the other side... My DH was married for about 6 months before we met. I had called off an engagement after spending a ton of $$. I told my family from the day I cancelled my first wedding until I got engaged again that I only wanted immediate family when/if I got married. When I got engaged, all I heard was how I was a huge asshole for not wanting to shell out a ton of $$ for a wedding I didn't want. It got bad enough that we planned to elope. Then we caved and invited our immediate families. When I invited my sister, she asked if I was pregnant. Then she said she couldn't come because she had to work. She calls out sick more than anyone I know, but couldn't possibly do that for my wedding. In the end, we caved and moved it so that most could attend. 7 years later, my sister is still angry with me about our wedding. So you might be right - that reaching out to his Ex's family was a perceived slight. Or maybe they just didn't want to make a big deal about it. Or maybe they feel like their wedding is about them. Either way, I'm sorry you're hurt. You should talk to him about it if you're hurt. Don't drop a bomb on him in 7 years when he's trying to figure out what he's done to you, like my sister did to me. *** sorry about the formatting. No paragraph on iPads, apparently.

shannm

I hear you @mae0111‌ . It is not something I would hold against them, I realize that would bring nothing good. And for the record, I really don't care if I am there or not and agree that it is about them. Just disappointed that this is the way my family views our relationship. It's disrespectful to tell me that way and to think it is cool. They are not eloping or just inviting immediate family. They are having a family celebration at my family home and specifically chose not to include half of the family. But looking at it from afar, it makes sense considering my parents both have six siblings, none of who they keep in touch with. And the fiancé is estranged from her family. There are a lot of inferiority complexes involved I suspect. Just sad. Hopefully I will break this pattern with my kids.

mae0111

@shannm‌ - I hear you. My dad doesn't keep in touch with any of his 4 surviving siblings, even though they all live within 15 min of each other. It's sad. I was hoping for better for me and my sibs, but I've kind of given up. There's too much history and too much hurt. Hopefully you'll have more success...