Looking for a little encouragement from STMs

Lovenyc

I haven't posted in a few weeks but I am just feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm due with my 2nd son in just about 3 weeks.

Update on my son: He's 30mo. He has been making a lot of progress in speech therapy and at his new, smaller daycare. 

Apart from his expressive speech delay, he has a couple of behaviors I would consider "sensory seeking" on the hyposensitive side. Sometimes when he gets bored, he'll sit on the ground and kick toys. He does the same thing in the tub. I took the toys away from the tub last night and he did just fine. No kicking. The behavior seems to be scaling back a bit thanks to being able to finally go outside and play (yay spring!) He exerts a lot of energy outside and that has done wonders. We've also radically reduced the amount of sugar he eats. Wow, what a difference in focus and behavior. I still plan to see a developmental pediatrician after the baby comes.

Everyone keeps asking me if "i'm excited" about the new baby. I tell them "of course" but really, all I can think about is my son.

How will this affect his progress? Will he know he will always mean everything to me? How on earth is it possible for me to love another human being as much as I love him? He is so very attached to me. I can tell DH is nervous about the separation anxiety once his baby brother comes into the picture. 

I guess every 2nd time mom goes through this to some degree but I'm just so nervous. Truth be told, I'm petrified that my new son will have the same issues or even worse...and God knows it could be worse. My son was sick from ages 4mo to 25months. A never-ending parade of viruses and ear infections (again, on a scale of 1-10, I know how blessed we've been) I feel like we've only recently come up for air.

Everyone keeps telling me that it all works out. I will love this baby boy just as much as his big brother. I just never imagined I would feel so sad/sentimental.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice?

Lovenyc

Thanks for the encouragement. I had an appt scheduled and had to cancel it because we moved up my c-section date. Fortunately, the office is only running about a 2-3 week waiting list. Same for two other practices I called. 

He went through EI evaluation in the fall. He qualified for speech services. The cost was very high. $101 per 30 min session 2x a week.  We are in private therapy now because I was able to get it covered by insurance.

Junebug060609

Right there with you. 30 month old DS dx with ASD and due in three weeks with a baby girl.

I don't have to worry about loving her as much. But I do have concerns about him regressing, adjusting to the lessening attention, and for sure about her getting a game changing dx as well.

mommy0411

I understand completely how you feel! I was 6 months pregnant when my first son was diagnosed with autism. He was 21 months at the time. I was and still am terrified that my second little boy will have similar issues. It really didn't help that we found out that DS2 had a kidney issue when I went into preterm labor 3 weeks later (it was a very stressful time). Having DS2 has been amazing for DS1. DS2 helps DS1 be more flexible (the baby is into everything now that he is mobile) and learn about emotions. There is no other child that DS1 interacts with more voluntarily then DS2. It is amazing to see their bond. It was hard at the beginning because DS1 was 2 and still very demanding but I absolutely love their age difference. (So much so we are trying for number 3!) DS2 has had challenges, his gross motor is delayed but his joint attention and pretend play is excellent (he was pretending to paint with a paint brush earlier). So I don't think he will have autism but I don't know if he will meet every milestone on time. I will say it has taken antidepressants and therapy for me to calm down about ds2. It's not easy raising these special kids but I promise you will love your second child just as much and you will find a way to make it work. It will take time but it will happen good luck! And please feel free to message me if you need to talk! Also please don't be afraid to reach out to your OB if your feelings are overwhelming. I thought what I was feeling was normal but it was really pretty serious depression and anxiety.

Lovenyc

Thank you all so much. I spent this entire weekend ENJOYING my son. I mean, really enjoying him. Thank GOD for warmer weather. It is good for the soul. We went outside and played for what seemed like hours. We had a blast.

It was the first time in a long time I didn't over-analyze every single thing he did. I feel like I've focused so much on his delay over the last 6-7 months that I stopped noticing all of the amazing things he can do and does really well. It was a very refreshing perspective. 

I also decided to go on mat leave a couple of weeks early. I need some time to just relax and clear my head before #2 arrives. This is my last week at work and I feel 10x lighter because of it. I think the stress of getting myself AND a toddler out the door every day and then dealing with work was becoming physically and mentally draining. 

mommy0411 I will definitely message you. Thanks for listening. 

Junebug060609 good to know someone else is in my boat:)