Vent: Feel like a terrible person for not attending shower (**preg mentioned - not mine)

Lady2010

I just got an evite for a friend from b-school.  I am happy for her but it just makes me feel worse.  I knew she was expecting - twins at that - courtesy of FB and her 'belly' update photos - sigh.  A very close b-school friend (who also went through IVF and is due any day) and I speculated she must have gone through fertility treatments - hence twins (this made me feel a little better - selfish I know).  I am rsvp-ing no - it is out of town for me and mid-week, so that will be my excuse.  

To make me feel worse, on the evite for the shower it says - oh well she is such an overachiever she is having not 1 but 2 babies, etc.  Geez - way to make me all of a sudden feel like sh*t!  WHY do people say things like that??  What kills me is the friend whose place the shower is at had fertility struggles herself!  And when she told us she was expecting her first many years ago, she said - I am sorry I haven't been there to celebrate others' good news - it was just too hard for me.  So WHY they would put together an invite with that wording is beyond me.  

I feel bad not going to celebrate but I just can't.  I am happy for her, but it will just remind me of my continued lack of success in this area.  And a LOT of b-school friends will be there - so I know I will get the question since we have been married longer, etc.  And since she isn't one of my closest friends I think I can get away with not going.

OK - rant over... just had to vent. Thanks for listening/reading!

Carol77B

I'm sorry. It is definitely rant-worthy, and perfectly acceptable to decline, because out-of-town and mid-week are legitimate reasons not to go. I'm still deciding about the baby shower of a friend and former co-worker because I know I'll get the same questions about when- in fact when I ran into that friend a couple of months back she asked me to my face when I was going to get pregnant. Boy would I like to know that myself!!!

pblge

Don't feel bad. (((hugs))) I think during this time you're entitled to take care of your own mental health and not put yourself into needlessly painful situations. Just take notes for how you want to behave once you're on the other side of this, and maybe do something nice for yourself when this event takes place.

(((hugs)))

doglover1234

I am so sorry! I can't believe that was on the invitation, it is ridiculous! I am mad for you!

Try not to feel bad about missing the party. It sounds like you have good reason not to go anyway. Just do whatever is best for you

kz's_girlygirl

Don't feel bad about declining in the least!  You have to take care of yourself first- that is truly my motto in all of this and I think it fits here. 

Lady2010

Thanks Ladies.  I agree with @IFinTN - the language certainly wasn't meant to be hurtful, rather it was supposed to be funny.  

And as many of you have said - just remember to be more cognizant myself in the future (hopefully we will have success)...

Appreciate all your support!

ExoticAntibiotic

If it makes you feel better, I'm ditching my cousin's baby shower! My family hid her pregnancy from me (I live 400 miles away) and I finally found out when she mailed me a pic of her ute when she was 5 months along. I lost it, hard. So nope, not going!

Nviener28

I'm not sure if this would make you feel any better, but twins are a blessing and a curse at the same time in my opinion (no offense to those that have them). Its double the work and double the fun and double.... not to mention the money :-/ . Our friends have twins and they are really cute and everything... but her pregancy was very difficult, she was only able to hold them til week 35 because of her high blood pressure. The concept of twins is really nice in theory... but the work is not so much :-/. They told us some stories about what they went through the first three months with them...hmmm not so cute anymore lol. I wish for you to have many babies (as many as you want that is) starting with one beautiful healthy baby, that will bless your home with family one day! all the best!!!

Tea+

Sorry to hear about the invite. I wouldn't worry about declining. If they understand that's great if not too bad. You come first. -hugs.-

ikrystal

I agree with PPs.  Dont worry about declining.  You need to do what is best for you.  I'm not planning on going to my SIL's shower.  It may be frowned upon but emotionally, I just cant do it. You don't have to, either. 

scooteriste

Showers aren't mandatory events. Take care of yourself and do what makes you feel the best during a tough time. Hugs.