Bonding with birthmother

alishakay

I know not everyone gets the opportunity to get to know and connect with the birthmother, I feel fortunate that I do, but need/want advice, either from birthmoms themselves or adopting moms with experience. The birthmother has requested my presence at an ultrasound appt and a shopping trip for maternity clothes afterwards. I can't wait, for both, I'm looking at this as a chance to bond, outside of our agency, in a more relaxed atmosphere. I'm not sure how to start that bonding process, what do I say, how do I act, I don't want every meeting to be about this baby, I really do want to have an amazing relationship with her, but where do I start? What are her expectations from me?

Dr.Loretta

I think only she can say what her expectations are. If you want to forge a relationship with her, IMO, talk to her about non baby stuff. Her job/school, her interests, etc. We always make a point to talk to DD's birthmom about non DD related things

CarolinaGirl2014

I agree with @Dr.Loretta that only she can say what her expectations are, but that might be something you can ask her in a more delicate way. My daughter's AP's asked what an ideal relationship would be like with them in a perfect world. I was too scared of scaring them off to answer totally honestly, but it gave them a good idea. You can ask her what she sees in the future for herself- jobs, family, etc and what her dreams are. My daughter's AMom always asked that and has pushed me to chase them, which I am so thankful for. It can be a life-raft after placement. We found things through normal conversation that we bonded over and spoke about and continue that now at visits.

To be honest, I loved talking to her about my pregnancy. It was the one place I could gush about it and receive equal enthusiasm. It was the only time I got to be like a "normal" pregnant woman.