Surprising & unwelcome advice from strangers?

GettinCrafty

I knew going public as a pregnant lady would bring lots of advice my way. What's strange is that the most common tidbit I keep hearing is that it's ok to drink some beer and wine. (Often followed by a "no really...you want some?") I haven't felt this much pressure to drink socially since high school! I have read that a bit of wine/beer is ok, and totally respect that choice...but it's absolutely not something I feel comfortable doing given how much it took to make this happen. My response so far has been like any other advice, be friendly, but do my own thing still. 

What kind of surprising or unwelcome advice have you heard so far? 

Hopeful1029

Ugh I get that a lot too!! It's usually followed by "think of how many women drank and smoked years ago!! One glass won't harm anything!" Um, yea, no. I'm good. I also have gotten a TON of "oh you're not having a rough time (no morning sickness or anything for me) just wait! You'll be dying to have this baby out in a few more weeks!! Again, Um, no I won't. I've waited almost 3 years and cried a number of tears prior to getting pregnant. I will cherish every moment of my ability to have a baby in my belly....no matter how uncomfortable I may get!

GettinCrafty

@ThoseThreeWords -- To be fair, they're not 100% complete strangers. I've been at a conference all week, with many receptions and dinners...and have heard it so many times already from people I met just moments before, and it's driving me nuts! I have also heard it from a good friend and several barely-know-you acquaintances. (If you're inclined, I imagine if you're sitting at a table while out, you can grab a drink and it'd be incognito.) 

@Hopeful1029 -- Yes! All of that! 

DoublePortion

It wasn't advice, but when a stranger at the OBs office today found out I'm 21 weeks with twins she said "oh, wow you're going to get huge". Does that mean I'm looking large already? lol I'm measuring 33 weeks so maybe I look bigger than I feel I do. She followed up that comment by telling me she was waiting on her daughter who is PG with a boy, but he's going to die shortly after birth due to chromosomal issues. Nice chat, lady. Way to depress me!

gldnbearz

DoublePortion said:

She followed up that comment by telling me she was waiting on her daughter who is PG with a boy, but he's going to die shortly after birth due to chromosomal issues. Nice chat, lady. Way to depress me!

Some people just have no business talking.

ttuprincess

gldnbearz said:

She followed up that comment by telling me she was waiting on her daughter who is PG with a boy, but he's going to die shortly after birth due to chromosomal issues. Nice chat, lady. Way to depress me!

Some people just have no business talking.

Seriously!  Wow.

liz4paws

Not so much advice, but it royally pisses me off when my dad and MIL get together and all they talk about is how hard it's going to be for DH and I to have a baby around. They even did this while we were going through fertility treatments. They both took this "oh you have no idea" stance (which I get that I DON'T have an idea) but trust me, I get it won't be a walk in the park. Why they continue to focus on that drives me nuts!

But you know what else isn't a walk in the park? Infertility, miscarriages, and fertility treatments. They have no idea how hard that was and the hard-days-and-nights-of-being-a-parent-to-a-newborn will be welcomed, easy or not!

That's it. There's my vent about that.

lincoln79

My one colleague who I have told we are pregnant using a gestational carrier (had to because of some planning for the 2014 Fall Semester) said, "Please don't ruin your child by spoiling it, I've noticed that happens alot with these miracle babies"

I'm not even pregnant and I'm getting comments...

I've started a "Get A Life" folder at my desk at work. Whenever anyone says something stupid, I write it down and put it in the folder. It helps me to get over it when I have no one to vent to!

Mrs.McIrish

liz4paws said:

Not so much advice, but it royally pisses me off when my dad and MIL get together and all they talk about is how hard it's going to be for DH and I to have a baby around. They even did this while we were going through fertility treatments. They both took this "oh you have no idea" stance (which I get that I DON'T have an idea) but trust me, I get it won't be a walk in the park. Why they continue to focus on that drives me nuts!

But you know what else isn't a walk in the park? Infertility, miscarriages, and fertility treatments. They have no idea how hard that was and the hard-days-and-nights-of-being-a-parent-to-a-newborn will be welcomed, easy or not!

That's it. There's my vent about that.

Liz-I am totally expecting to get that same comment from my sister and one SIL. I'm not sure if I will be able to contain myself that I will handle it just fine since I've been thru hell already and am not going to freak out about the small stuff like they do....

liz4paws

@Mrs.McIrish Ugh! So obnoxious! May you have the strength to deal with it! I used to lurk on the SAIF board to try to understand what the reality of parenting must be like. And while I know that it's going to be harder than I can even wrap my head around, the overwhelming sense that I get is that SAIF ladies are so much more appreciative and relish in the small joys because of the personal hell they endured, despite the 'small stuff' that the ladies on the BMB boards complain about and for those who never dealt with IF seem to understand. I know you'll cherish every.single.moment more than your SIL, sister, my dad and MIL will EVER get.  Can I just throw in there again I am so happy you're on this board!?!

@ThoseThreeWords - Excellent point! I've seen some people raise kids that surprised the hell out of me that their kids were still alive at the end of it all. I know we can all do it. Period.

 

Mrs.McIrish

Thanks Liz! I totally agree that I have I idea how hard it will be and how tiring it will be etc but I hate when my sister freaks about stuff and I have to bite my tongue to say "do you know how lucky you are to have these kids".

liz4paws

lincoln79 said:

My one colleague who I have told we are pregnant using a gestational carrier (had to because of some planning for the 2014 Fall Semester) said, "Please don't ruin your child by spoiling it, I've noticed that happens alot with these miracle babies"

I'm not even pregnant and I'm getting comments...

I've started a "Get A Life" folder at my desk at work. Whenever anyone says something stupid, I write it down and put it in the folder. It helps me to get over it when I have no one to vent to!

@lincoln79 - EW! WTEFFINGEFFFFF? Yeah, your ignorant colleague sounds like she considers herself an expert on these 'miracle babies.' how rude!!!!!

Love the get a life folder

lincoln79

liz4paws said:

lincoln79 said:

My one colleague who I have told we are pregnant using a gestational carrier (had to because of some planning for the 2014 Fall Semester) said, "Please don't ruin your child by spoiling it, I've noticed that happens alot with these miracle babies"

I'm not even pregnant and I'm getting comments...

I've started a "Get A Life" folder at my desk at work. Whenever anyone says something stupid, I write it down and put it in the folder. It helps me to get over it when I have no one to vent to!

@lincoln79 - EW! WTEFFINGEFFFFF? Yeah, your ignorant colleague sounds like she considers herself an expert on these 'miracle babies.' how rude!!!!!

Love the get a life folder

Just for the record, it was a man that said it. I work almost exclusively with men, hence the need for the "get a life" folder.

PrincessPix

My SIL (who has 3 kids and calls herself "Fertile Myrtle")  makes comments to me all the time (she is one of the few who know our story) because I've distanced myself from the new babies that come into the family, for obvious reasons.  She'll say things like, "oh, some people just have a natural drive to parent, and some just don't, and I knew all along that this is what I wanted." Like I don't have a natural drive to be a parent... I'm just injecting myself 4x a day and my DH humiliating himself by jacking off in a cup and handing it to another man because we have no "natural desire" to become parents.  You're right, our lack of "natural desire" must be the cause of our infertility- that's why we have to go the un-natural way to achieve our goals. 

Some people are just rude... Now since our BFP, she is almost resentful towards me.  I'm not sure why, but she makes snarky comments all the time like - when she found out I gave up eating lunch meat, "Oh, you're not going to be one of THOSE pregnant women, are you?"  Ummmm... YES!!!! After all I've been through, mentally, emotionally, and physically, I'm not willing to do ANYTHING to put my babies at risk!!!

I agree with @gldnbearz- some people have business talking...

brittneyandadam

@doubleportion MOTY right there...way to go lady, divulging your daughter's very personal, very sad news

@lincoln79 I'm totally stealing that idea. My coworkers have been super supportive so far...but I'm just waiting. Also, I think you need to get a bumper sticker that says "My miracle baby can beat up your regular baby"

@PrincessPix You're a better person than I. I totally would have said something nasty, especially with these hormones a-ragin'. Something about not understanding how to use birth control

GettinCrafty

OMG ladies, it's crazy reading all the things people said to you. Guess it's good we've developed a thick skin with all those injections! Oy.

Thanks for sharing. Makes me love you all even more. xo

Allison7

I think I got more suggestions and advice when I was dealing with IF. Maybe I was snarky enough that those people have just shut up now that I am pregnant. My favorite IF advice was to do a headstand against the side of the bed for 30 minutes after sex. Um, no. 

Most people are very happy about are news and then they ask about morning sickness...I am past the halfway people, that part is over. There have been a couple of people who ask how long we will wait before trying for #2...non of their business, but we will get right back on that horse after I am healed and we feel ready. They usually follow it by some sort of, "you don't want an only child, do you" and I respond with, "well, since I am an only child I think that is a perfectly wonderful situation." And then I avoid talking to these people in the future. 

GettinCrafty

Allison7 The handstand thing just makes me laugh. I mean, really! 

And I hear ya on questions about #2. I've had a small handful mention trying for the next to me. My response is "It's a complete miracle I'm carrying #1...and let's not go there...too much heartache." 

I try not to be resentful of people who got KU easily, but they don't always make it easy.