Worried about in laws

2babymama

I'm expecting my second and my in laws will likely be with my son while I'm in labor but I don't really trust them. If I go into labor and wake them in the middle of the night they will have no patience with my son. And they are very short tempered and don't try to respect my parenting wishes...not sure what to do. My mom will be with me so she can't watch him and don't have anyone else to ask. My in laws aren't abusive or anything crazy just extremely short tempered and yell a lot.

2babymama

I asked my mom if she would stay with him and she said she would rather be with me...but I'm starting to lean towards asking her again. She would stay if I voiced my concerns. My hubby also thinks we should find someone else. *they really aren't great people. They spanked him at a yr old. Which I'm not against spanking per say but he is just too little!

2babymama

Yeah they have limited and supervised visits. But I'm nervous about handling this next birth without my mom...I don't mean that to sound whiny. But if I can't find someone else I will probably ask her. Just praying that we find a solution that makes everything work.

And thanks for all the support

2babymama

jennish11 said:

Talk to your mom about your concerns.
If she still would rather be with you, maybe she knows someone she trusts who you can talk to about helping out. 

I feel silly for not have thinking of that! Baby brain is making me lose it unfortunately. But thank you so much. My mom usually has the best ideas

genromeo

As anxious as you might be w/o your mom in the delivery room, you'll also be anxious if you're worried about your LO with your in-laws. 

ohwhynot85

2babymama said:

I asked my mom if she would stay with him and she said she would rather be with me...but I'm starting to lean towards asking her again. She would stay if I voiced my concerns. My hubby also thinks we should find someone else. *they really aren't great people. They spanked him at a yr old. Which I'm not against spanking per say but he is just too little!

It's not really your moms decision whether she's with you or not during childbirth. If you're telling her that you would like her with your 2 year old, she should be OK with that due to not wanting your in laws with him. You and your DH created your baby without her there, I'm sure you can handle childbirth without her there. 

cMichelle0423

This 100%.... I don't trust my FIL and his gf to watch our son. So they don't. If they ever have him, I'm either with them, or its an emergency and we have no one else to call. that being said, whenever I go into labor, im making sure my MIL and her husband will be the ones to watch him. You already have enough to worry about with labor and the new LO... why add to it?

Darbie914 said:

I would rather give birth without my mom present than worry about my child who was in the care of people who are known to lack patience and spank.  

Seriously, tell your mom to stay with your son.  You will feel much better about the whole thing.

Justabean3

Most the time when we labor even with our second you won't push until morning if we start at night. Could your mom stay with him until say 5a and then switch with the inlaws?

becomingmommyagain

I certainly wouldn't leave your kid with people you don't trust - grand parents or not.  

Your mom wants to be there to help you - tell her the best way she can help is to take care of your son while you're in the hospital.  

When my sister had her 3rd child, the nearest family - our parents - were 4 hours away.  She and her husband took the older two kids (18 months and 2 1/2) to the hospital with her.  Fortunately the hospital she delivered at had a family friendly birthing policy and so long as there were no complications, she could have anyone in the room she wanted - her kids included. She had pre-packed a family entertainment bag just in case with lots of snacks and toys for the kids.  My parents arrived about an hour before the action began and my dad had planned to take the kids out to the lobby during the birth, but both were quietly napping and they opted to let them sleep through it and my mom and BIL were able to focus on my sister while my dad kept watch over the little ones.  My sister says it was a wonderful experience to have her whole little family there and when the older two woke up they had a new little sister to greet.

Maybe talk to your hospital and see what their policies are on L&D for visitors.  Maybe you could have your son and your mom with you and if things got intense she or your DH could take him out?

Justabean3

Well geeee get off the hateraid it was just a suggestion the original post doesn't say anything about spanking... It is in the 2nd post.

rainydayluck

So, let me make sure I understand this. You are putting yourself just wanting your mom with you over your child's needs and safely and would rather have him in an abusive situation.

No. Just, no.

bewilderingstar

Maybe find a friend to take care of your son? Hire someone to nanny for the day/night?

becomingmommyagain

anniemore said:

When I had my maternity ward tour the nurses were adamant about not having children at the hospital. The reason being is that they, despite being cute as can be, are carriers of germs -- esp those in daycare and school. The hospital may not have a policy against having children there, as mine does, but it's definitely something to consider since none of the newborns have much of an immune system. 

Obviously if the child is sick you wouldn't even consider bringing him - and likely the hospital would refuse him entry to L&D and visiting in post partum.  I'm sure that when flu/pertussis is high in the hospital they may even further restrict visitors.  

Sometimes families don't always have a choice and fortunately some hospitals are able to be accommodating.  Our hospital doesn't even have a nursery - only a level 2 NICU.  All babies are roomed in with mom.  

awc1986

When you're in the hospital you need to focus on the job in hand. You won't be able to do this if you're worried about your son.
If they already have supervised, limited visits then I'm sorry but they would be at the very bottom of my list of potential babysitters.

cookieinva

Sounds to me like your son needs your mom more than you do and that the most helpful thing she can do for you during labor is ensure your child, her darling grandchild, is safe, happy, and loved while you and DH bring her other grandchild into the world. Does she really want her grandchild with ILs who spank him too young??? I'd be telling her you're glad she wants to help out with labor and the help that you need is care for your child. Period. Unless your mom is an ob, doula, midwife, etc. there is no reason you can't handle birth without her.

yeah.

2babymama said:

Yeah they have limited and supervised visits. But I'm nervous about handling this next birth without my mom...I don't mean that to sound whiny. But if I can't find someone else I will probably ask her. Just praying that we find a solution that makes everything work. And thanks for all the support

This is ludicrous. You're choosing to leave your baby with a couple who spanked him as a ONE YEAR OLD in order to have both your mom and your husband in the delivery room. HELL NO. If you NEED your mom there, then your husband needs to stay home. 

Rrrrrachel

I thought op meant the in laws spanked her husband at a year old. But either way I agree they're not really a viable solution.