What kind of help should I plan with RCS, 3 year old, little family help? (long)

bcnoelle

So my RCS is in about 6 weeks. We have a 3 year old and I am expecting to stay in the hospital 3 nights. My mom lives 2 hours away and will stay with my son at our house while I'm in the hospital although she is not hands on at all. Part of it is not being able to keep up and part disinterest. She pretty much remains seated at all times and just yells at my son what he should or should not be doing, Meanwhile he is still potty training and high energy. My DH will be going back and forth those 3 days, our thoughts is that he can stay with me night 1 at the hospital and then he will stay at home the next 2 night to help with my son.. I will just utilize the nurses and nursery more. My DS will be in pre-school most week days, so I will be with our newborn alone most of the week. My mom says she will stay with me, but I don't know how helpful she will be. With my first she did some laundry and helped me take short naps, but that was the extent of it. Her driving was scary snd i wound up driving at 5 days post c-section cause i truly thought it was safer. Also, my son's pre-school takes off for a week when newborn is 9 days old. My husband won't be able to take much time off. He is typically gone from 8-6. What sort of help would you try to work out now? I'm thinking when my son is home I'll need another person there (in addition to my mom) about 6 hours a day. I'm also considering a mother's helper/babysitter/housekeeper a few hours a day when it's myself, the newborn, and my mom. Not sure if a night nanny is worth it if I'm attempting to nurse? Thanks for any advice!

Kim22

If you have the means to hire help then why not? It's hard to know how much you need because it depends on how well you feel and what type of newborn you have. I had my 3rd CS on a Wednesday. DH stayed night 1 with me then I stayed alone for 2 more. I came home Saturday. DH returned to work the following Wednesday. I also have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. My 6 year old is in school all day and my 3 year old only 2 half days. DH leaves at 8 and is back around 7. I was alone 1 week out and I did fine. My 3 year old is very independent. My recovery went very well and my newborn is a very easy baby. He was only up twice a night so I wasn't tired. My neighbor drove the big kids back and forth to school. The hardest part was the cluster feedings and letting my 100 lb dog in and out all day. I was ok with just letting the laundry sit until DH got home to do it. I think the most helpful thing for you would be someone to play with your older child. DD was so good but I felt bad that she played alone a lot the first few weeks. Things went better then I expected but it's good to plan for help just in case. Good luck with everything!

bingbongsmama

I just went through something very similar. I had a RCS and have a 3yo. We did not have help at night, only coverage for the actual delivery, then DH brought DD for short visits but I was on my own. If I could do it over, I would find help, if not DH then a friend to stay with me bc the nurses let me down.

The hospital I went to does not have a nursery, you are responsible for baby at all times. They say its good for bonding which is great but what if you're recovering from surgery and are drowsy, sore and on bedrest? I had a cath, IV and was stuck in the bed while having to care for the baby on my own the first 24 hrs. Not safe and not easy. I did call the nurse for help but they rarely came or it took 30+ mins bc they're busy and understaffed at night. The next 2 nights I could get around but at first I was wobly, it hurt to get up, and that 2nd night baby was hungry and crying all night long so it was a lot of up and down and no sleep for me.

If your hospital has a nursery and you're ok using it then that would be an option. Otherwise don't try and do it on your own or think the nurses will be helpful.

bcnoelle

Thanks for your responses. I'll be delivering at the same hospital which has an optional nursery, although they encourage you to keep the baby. It's hard to say how helpful the nurses were last time since my DH was with me the whole time. I should also be delivering the Friday before memorial day weekend, so who knows if the hospital staff will be thinning out. I just can't imagine asking anyone besides my DH to stay with me, since most of my friends have their own kids at home and since my single friends will probably be enjoying their 3 day weekend. My husband mentioned that maybe my mom could stay with me and that's a joke cause she complains so much about our guest bed (which is a queen size and has an optional foam mattress pad), I can't imagine her at the hospital pull out bed. After hearing both of your experiences, I may see if DH can stay with me every night (just go back and forth a bit) and hire someone a few hours day when I get home to help out a bit.