How to help a first time Dad get ready for baby?

Mrs.DeRuysscher

How did you/ are you helping dad get ready for baby? As a mom and being the one carrying the baby you become more connected you feel them more and experience more. How do you help the dad feel more involved? Also we are told it' a girl Dh & his family have never had a girl born or dealt with baby girls all they know is boys, Dh jokes sometimes he wishes it was a boy first because he would have wanted her to have a big brother and he doesn't know what to do with a girl. Is there any way of helping him get use to the thought of little girls and excited about all the joys, he is happy about the baby either way just he's very much into boy stuff lol. 

MrsWallick

I bought MH the book "cavemans guide to pregnancy" and I also signed him up for new daddy boot camp. The classes are taught all throughout the US (not sure about Canada), cost is $20. He will also be attending all the birthing/ breast feeding classes with me. He enjoyed the book, but we haven't started the classes yet. We're also having a girl and he has actually embraced all the pink girly-ness that is taking over our house. Catching him walking around with pink tulle for a DIY project I'm working on was adorable

kwh33ls

I did something similar..I got him "Be Prepared", which is a guide for dads a la the Boy Scouts. I've also kept him very involved in any decisions-even decorating etc. He's definitely embraced the girly stuff, but not pink--which I think is awesome..she has so many cute blue, orange, yellow and grey outfits that are still feminine so I think just give him room to adapt and make it his own thing, with a little guidance Good luck!

GoodStuff05

We didn't do Lamaze classes but I signed us both up for a preparing for baby class... Basic care for babies. I always babysat but he never even held a baby. I knew he would feel funny going to a class alone so we did it together at the hospital.

kay anthony

I think that once the baby comes he'll probably get ready / used to it pretty quickly. I also bought my husband a book for Christmas called "Show Dad How" that was funny and informative. When I move to live with him in about a month, I plan for us to take a few classes at the hospital together (an infant CPR class and maybe some kind of infant care class), but mostly my plan is to let things happen naturally between my husband and baby. 

brooklynesque

DH will be doing Bradley classes with me.  He's also reading some child care books.  Plus, I think he's paying more attention to friends' babies/kids than he used to -- he's definitely in learning mode.  

alyss0nl

First time around, it was hard for DH to connect with the baby, and rightfully so. He wasn't feeling what I was feeling. I bought a book for him to read, and he wasn't interested in it. Once we got over the first trimester and to a point where he could feel the baby, he started to get excited. The best to get him excited was having him help set up our registry and pick things out for the baby, like bedding, paint colors, baby gear, etc. Another way was having him attend birthing classes with me. So we pretty much felt like a team as the time got closer. He was more composed than I was when my water broke, lol and he made all the difference during L&D. It will come with time.

darkangel42

My husband actually wanted a girl. He said something like "I hope it's a girl, I want a little Daddy's-girl princess to spoil plus girls always like their Dads more than their Moms"

He had a book already then I got him a pregnancy and birth book aimed at Dads (there are loads, I just picked one at random from a couple that sounded good). I asked his opinion on everything baby-related from which crib to the birth plan and he's getting on just fine. Sometimes he's not interested or doesn't have an opinion but explaining why you're asking makes it easier for him to see that he's involved. 

It's harder for men during the pregnancy because they can't see and feel it, whereas the mother can't do anything but feel it right from the beginning, constantly aware it's there. The baby isn't 'real' for them until it's out and they can hold it, then it hits home that this is their tiny person they helped make.

AmericanInOz

my dh came to the classes, but wasn't interested in reading any of the 'dad' books he was given

I told him what I thought was important for him to know, and when baby came he was fine:)

allardr

First time around DH came to birthing classes but that's it. He's not big into books so parenting books would be a no go, not that I can blame him as I'm not a fan either. I think don't push it, when baby gets here he'll have to help & it'll become natural and wonderful.

Jandamay

I'm not sure if this is because my SO is a scientist or not but I've found he likes reading the facts. For example, I can't see him reading a parenting book, but he likes reading what is happening in terms of foetal growth and development each week.

That plus being able to feel the baby move now has made him feel more involved.

ginger313

Just asked DH how he prepared for our first, and he said, "I made some shelves and painted the nursery?"

I know I bought him a book something like "The Father's Guide to Pregnancy", but I don't think he read it.

Everybody's different, but I think DH is just one of those types who goes with the flow. He has 4 nieces and 4 nephews, so he's no stranger to babies. I went nuts reading Happiest Baby, The Baby Whisperer, and What to Expect The First Year, and he just remained calm.

When it came down to it, the first week I was recovering and he was doing everything other than BFing her! I didn't change my first diaper until the second week. When she stopped sleeping all the time around the third week, he was the one that seemed to soothe her the best when he got home from work, while I was consulting those books and driving myself crazy all day long trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.

I think being a Dad came to him more naturally than being a Mom came to me! So if anyone is worried about their hubsters having absolutely no clue, you might be surprised like I was.

chevronseven

brooklynesque said:

DH will be doing Bradley classes with me.  He's also reading some child care books.  Plus, I think he's paying more attention to friends' babies/kids than he used to -- he's definitely in learning mode.  

We're doing Bradley Method too! Halfway through the course now. I love them and think they're super informative. DH has trouble taking them seriously and has become the damn class clown, but he makes me laugh so I can't really fault him for that! At least he's going; he'll remember what we learned when the time comes!

OP- I had trouble getting mine excited for a while, but he is a hands on person who loves having projects, so that's what ended up really getting him on the same level as me. He put the crib together, assembled the swing, and now that there's baby toys around he is even playing with those sometimes, lol! Plus I went with his theme for the nursery (space) and he is really excited about the space theme stuff we've gotten as gifts and the fact that now he can put put his Star Trek ships.

I guess I would say try to find some way to make it personal for him.

ghostof5letters

I really don't think there is much you can do to "prepare" them for the baby.

Also, I think any apprehension of a baby girl vs. a baby boy will fade away once the baby is here. He really won't know life any other way and will suddenly be a "girl dad" 

Personally, I'd be annoyed if someone was shoving books, and gear and pinterest down my throat in attempts to get me excited. Becoming a parent, in my experience, is an evolution that just doesn't happen immediately with the bfp.   

BP607

DH helped me a lot with the nursery with our first LO and honestly, I really don't think there was any way to truly prepare him for the baby. I don't think it really hit him until the baby was actually born, and then from there, it was like he was always a daddy.  It was amazing!  I don't think any amount of reading books or classes could really prepare him for what it was like after the baby was born.  Just be patient with him, give him a few things to help with the nursery for now and I'm sure the rest will come naturally.  

cuntasaurusrex

ghostof5letters said:

I really don't think there is much you can do to "prepare" them for the baby.

Also, I think any apprehension of a baby girl vs. a baby boy will fade away once the baby is here. He really won't know life any other way and will suddenly be a "girl dad" 

Personally, I'd be annoyed if someone was shoving books, and gear and pinterest down my throat in attempts to get me excited. Becoming a parent, in my experience, is an evolution that just doesn't happen immediately with the bfp.   

Totally agree.  In my experience thus far, getting the nursery ready, helping/taking care of me, and feeling the baby move have been huge in DH feeling a part of this.  But I wouldn't have forced any of the above, either.  He's taken an active role because he wants to.

TugboatSheila

Yeah I think it depends on the dude. My husband has held a baby exactly 2 times in his life. 

DH shows his willingness by wanting to go to every appointment (though that's not necessary), he will be attending all of my classes with me and he asks questions. When he was setting up the crib he said "Ok, now we don't put anything in with a sleeping baby, right?" and just this morning he said "how do you know when a baby is sleepy?". These are both things I have taken for granted in knowing since I have held many babies, changed many diapers and babysat many children. 

I am kind of afraid of caring for a newborn, looking after a circumcision and having to bathe a child but those are things that both DH and I can learn together by taking our classes and by actually doing them.

I've also been careful about not saying things that make him feel behind on the whole "knowing about baby things" front. I let him know that I'm nervous too and that from all of the people I know that have had babies there are just things that you have to do in order to learn and that we'll both be newbs at this together.

mamakiss

Well at first we were waiting to pick a name but SO felt disconnected so we landed on one before birth like previously planned.

He has no free time to devote to classes or anything, but he really is good with babies as is, so I'm not worried about that part.

As far as being mentally prepared, he talks a lot more hypotheticals about the baby (sports she might play, what she'll look like, etc). It gets repetitive but its sweet and its his way of "getting to know her". Also I told him she moves around a lot when I listen to jazz music and even though it isn't his favorite he'll put on jazz a lot just to feel her move around.

Also he's full swing into yardwork/organizing the house/spring cleaning/various projects around the house. He works 50-60 hours a week so usually he rests on his downtime but he's definitely in busy mode right now. Some sort of nesting, I think!

nola 1017

Ditto PPs who said you really can't do much to prepare.  It just comes naturally to both of you.  Even with all of the classes beforehand, I still felt a little uncertain at first. It just gradually went away until suddenly it felt like it was something we'd always been doing. 

acciovino

Knowing the sex in order to choose names was about all DH has done thus far in both of my pregnancies. He doesn't have time to read and he doesn't care for it any way.

I was a little upset with when I was preg with DD because he is not a kid person, even with his own family and I am. I don't think he ever even held a baby before DD. He was also working 4 hours away during the week and coming home only on the weekends while I was pregnant.

Fortunately, as a pleasant surprise, he was so involved in the delivery and so enamored with DD from the moment he saw her. Everything is a learning curve, but he has done a fantastic job. He did a lot of the "heavy lifting", diaper changes, etc while I was recovering from my c-section. He loves it and I am so glad that it turned out this way. I was worried as a FTM that since he didn't read any books or know anything about babies that it would be foreign to him, but it's almost as natural to him as it was to me.

LuluPMW

It took my DH a bit to get his head around two girls because he grew up with all boys, so I gave him some space and now he is totally into it, and keeps coming up with positive things to say about having two girls. It may have helped that I was not disappointed and a few of our friends had baby girls in the past year so it's become easier to visualize. Extra books and classes would probably have aggravated him.

You know your DH best but I'm sure if you keep positive it'll help (happy wife happy home, so they say).

Mrs.DeRuysscher

thanks everyone for the advise. he really isn't a book guy but i hope to do the birthing classes together as he is going to be the only one in the room with me besides the nurses/doctors. I think it will be one of the when she comes kind of things.

BBColt78

I for sure helped DH get a little more prepared. I told him I thought the new parents class would benefit him and he loved it. He felt so much more prepared. Then, we rented the Happiest Baby on the Block and that made all the difference. DH felt like he had some strategies to deal with a newborn. I enjoyed the video as well. It was 45 minutes long and well worth it.

Other than that, YH will learn that girls are VERY attached to their daddy. At about 2 Years old I became chopped liver and Daddy is everything! DH loves it and could not be happier that #2 is also a girl. He likes being the "man of the hour" every hour.

hupp0013

He had friends that just had a baby. He read a pregnancy book. He also went to the childbirth class and breast feeding class with me.