Baby boy name dilemma... Husband is a "III"

jennwisz

We aren't finding out the sex of our baby... we have girl's names we can agree on, but when it comes to a boys name...yikes. He doesn't like anything I like...or anything at all.

The real issue however is that his dad passed away less than a year ago. I don't think he really cared or wanted to carry on the name before, but now I think he's feeling guilty and having our baby be the 4th will help carry on the memory of his dad. Which I can understand an appreciate...But the name is "Bertrand David"  His dad and his grandfather went by "Bert," my husband goes by "Randy."

 I feel like a horrible person saying I don't want my baby's name to be Bertrand. I don't care for the name "David" either. I'm just not sure how to go about the situation anymore. We always just stop talking about it and never come up with a solution. I've tried finding names with similar meanings but he doesn't really like any of those names either. Or using "Bertrand" as a middle name but he doesn't like anything for a first name.

but I'm not sure this is something I should just "let him have" which may make me sound awful but it's my kid too!

Any advice or suggestions or....anything??

theholmanherd

That's tough. I understand wanting to carry on the name (for which, you sound like you're being considerate of and that's great), but at the same time, you should both love the name. If I were you, I would probably go with the name because 1) it seems to mean a lot to your husband and you might only have one boy to carry on the name, 2) David, while it may seem simple, is a very strong name. David was the most revered king in Biblical history. And there are other famous and successful Davids as well, 3) (and this is more of a silly one) this would also get you brownie points to have more of an influence on your next child or even if this child is a girl (which could happen!). Is there a female family name you want to carry on that he doesn't? Maybe this could be the compromise: use the family name he wants on a boy, and you get to use a family name you want if it's a girl (or on a future child).

But that's what I would do. You need to talk to your husband. Maybe both of you just need to let the name simmer for a bit (how far along are you?) and come back to the discussion in a couple weeks when you've both given the name thing a more open mind/perspective.

Good luck!

saham07

I would probably go with the IV if it were me (because my husband really doesn't ask for much) it is a BIG name, but the others before him survived it just fine. Could you call him IVan or IVor?

ObLaDi

I totally respect wanting to honor a beloved family member--if I had a deceased parent, I would strongly want to honor him/her too. BUT, that's what middle names are for.

It really wouldn't be fair of your husband to pressure you into letting him pick all three parts of the name by himself just because he is a III. Naming your child is an amazing experience, and you should both get to take part in it. It sounds like you're making a big effort to accommodate him; he needs to extend you the same courtesy.

I would offer him Bertrand or David as a middle name, and tell him that you need to work together to pick a first name you both like.

Jags8

Tell him to come up with a list of names he likes, and either Bertrand or David can be used for the middle name.

FakeFinn

I'll begin by saying I'm not a big fan of juniors, IIIs etc. I think you both should love the name (or at least compromise). Bertrand or David in the mn spot would be wonderful.

kimberlymautz

I think using Bertrand or David as a middle name is a great idea, but if he really is set on having a fourth then I can't say I'd blame him. Maybe come up with a cute nickname? Such a tricky situation, but I'm sure you'll come up with something. Best of luck!

ArmyWife114

If he won't do Bertrand or David as a middle name, what about trying to come up with names you both like using the same initials as his dad? Still a nice way to honor his dad and get names you both like.

You could also offer a double middle name option and then you pick the first name.

FWIW, my son is a fourth. Our compromise was the same one a PP suggested
Since I was okay with the name, DH and I agreed if we disagreed on a future child's name and he was OK with my choice, my pick won.

Harveys11

That is hard, but I would give him something. Especially since his father has passed. I think keeping David as the MN keeps the tradition alive even if you are changing things a bit. Your son may be more likely to carry on the modified tradition, too.

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JuneRunner14

Wow...similar story here! My husband is a III. One night, when we were dating I asked if he was obligated to name his sin the IV and he said "no". FF years later when I'm pregnant and it was a delicate subject. Plus my FIL was diagnosed with a terrible disease and I'm such a jerk but could NOT name my son the IV. So we didn't. His middle name is James, DH's first name and my FIL was clearly annoyed with me. I felt guilty about it for a tome but now...ZERO regrets! ZERO. So while it is hard now, it will pass. I do feel for you, I know the feeling if obligation.

moonfaerie

I wouldn't give in to a name you dislike. I'd choose one as the mn, or use the initials, or maybe use a different B name if you like one with mn David.

Irishcurls

I find the whole thing sort of pretentious from the get go (not you specifically OP, just in general) but if it were a name I liked, I'd have the conversation. With a name you clearly don't like, he gets a middle name to honor the family and move on. 

capulet

bump burp

capulet

jennwisz said:

We aren't finding out the sex of our baby... we have girl's names we can agree on, but when it comes to a boys name...yikes. He doesn't like anything I like...or anything at all.

The real issue however is that his dad passed away less than a year ago. I don't think he really cared or wanted to carry on the name before, but now I think he's feeling guilty and having our baby be the 4th will help carry on the memory of his dad. Which I can understand an appreciate...But the name is "Bertrand David"  His dad and his grandfather went by "Bert," my husband goes by "Randy."

 I feel like a horrible person saying I don't want my baby's name to be Bertrand. I don't care for the name "David" either. I'm just not sure how to go about the situation anymore. We always just stop talking about it and never come up with a solution. I've tried finding names with similar meanings but he doesn't really like any of those names either. Or using "Bertrand" as a middle name but he doesn't like anything for a first name.

but I'm not sure this is something I should just "let him have" which may make me sound awful but it's my kid too!

Here's the question I would ask him:  with the tables turned, if it were really important to you to name your first daughter after your mother or another relative if one had recently passed away, FN and MN, would he "let you have" both names?  If his answer is not an immediate, unequivocal yes, then he is obviously being ridiculous.  I get why he wants to continue the tradition under the circumstances (I like to think that my dad is a III because his grandfather had passed away the year before), but in the 21st mothereffing century, the mother of a child has the right to have a say in her child's name, and the right to LIKE her child's name.

Give your DH the MN.  I don't think a MN has to be aesthetically appealing if it honors someone.  Tell him to make a list of FNs he likes (because he has to like other names besides his own; if he doesn't, he's just being a petulant twit) and you can both pick from those.  But he should not get his way by default simply by shooting down every single other name you suggest.  It is possible for him to honor both his late father and his living wife whom he chose to marry and have a baby with, but he has to decide whether it's important to him to do both.

MrsAdventure

Rock. You. Hard Place.

I had a great uncle that was a Jr. Clovis Grey Jr. To be exact. Even in the 30s, my great uncle felt this name was super old fashioned and never in his life went by it. There is something to be said for not picking a name from the top 10 most popular names, but a name that is so extremely old fashioned, and that has never come back into style in the way that a name like Elizabeth has, can be trying for a person. There are usually reasons that names either come back into style or don't. That being said, carrying on a family tradition can be equally as important as finding a name that is agreeable to you both. My advise: Pray for a girl

Edit: left words out, apparently

Ceridwen21

Use one of the names as a middle name.  Do not use a name you don't love. 

divinemsbee

Ugh. I'm sorry OP, that's got to be a hard place. I think it would be one thing if he'd been really upfront for a long time about definitely wanting a IV, but to be pretty blase about it and now have the tables turned would be rough.

I'd go with finding some sort of compromise you both can live with. While David isn't bad, Bertrand is a pretty particular taste. That's a lot to ask of someone to name their kid when it wasn't on the table before.

I think even if he had let you come to it on your own, that would have helped. My H's family has a weird-ish naming scheme, and I asked H when we were still dating if his son would have to have it, he said it wasn't important. As we started TTC we had a boy name picked out that we both loved, but wasn't in the scheme. I started looking at names that would fit, and we actually found two we like that we're holding in reserve now. I think H likes that we've come to this, but he never pressured me over it.