Need to vente

najzomax

I've been stuck at 180 lbs for over a year now and hubby is now saying that he doesn't feel as attracted to me because I can't lose the weight. I'm still breastfeeding DD so I am cautious to go too extreme with dieting or exercise as I know this affects my supply. DD still nurses every 3 hours tops so is definitely not ready to wean. It's gotten so bad that I don't even want to initiate sex because I know how he feels about my weight. For the record, I am fine with how I look personally and if hubby was ok with it it wouldn't bother me at all. Anyone have any suggestions? I have tried to explain it to him but he is stuck at the idea I should be 140-150 and that with DD turning two soon it's time to do what I have to to reach my 'ideal' weight. He doesn't want to go for walks with me and we can't afford to change our diet or get a gym membership. And even if I could afford one he still prefers that I be home with dd since he has a hard time keeping her happy for more than an hour. I try to watch what I eat but our weekly grocery budget is only $75 and he wants pasta at least twice a week for dinner. I also have massive sweet tooth which doesn't help. When we met I was 140 but I worked in a job whereI walked for 8 hours a day, I smoked, and had no kids. He thinks these are excuses and I just need to 'buck up'. I just feel defeated and I hate the fact he says I'm no longer attractive to him. Does anyone have any advice for me?

bellelamb

Ok first if dh said that to me I'd be very hurt so I'm sorry!!
Second at this point your milk supply is so established you should be able to cut calories and work out with little to no effect. Third $75 food for two adults and one kids you could EASILY eat healthy if you wanted to my budget for a family of 5 for food, Heath and beauty and house hold goods per week is $80. Aldi has awesome prices of produce, eggs, milk, whole wheat bread and watching sales and coupons you can get everything else for not much. Also jogging with lo or even doing a dance work out video with lo is a free way to get moving.

So I guess you need to decide if you want to loose weight or if you want to help dh love your body the way it is. If you want to loose weight you can do it, if you want to help dh find you sexy again take the time to be sexy for him put on a nice nighty put lo to bed and reconnect on a level that tends to slide after you have kids. GOOD LUCK

MelissaMiso

It sounds like there is more going on here than your weight. Attraction has more to do with emotional attachment/attraction. I'm guessing you don't find him telling you he's not attracted to you doesn't exactly make you feel attracted to him either. Yes, guys in general are more visual but there is still the non-physical part of attraction. Is it possible there is something else you are both unhappy with besides your weight that is underlying? Is it possible that your resistance to making weight loss a priority as a way of control or being passive/aggressive? Is it possible he is being controlling or passive/aggressive by using your weight as an excuse to avoid something else he is unhappy with? Just some things to think about.

If it is just about what size he is attracted to you at, there are ways of reconnecting the intimacy that has nothing to do with your weight. Maybe finding time to have date night or even date hour with just the two of you being able to focus on other parts of your relationship besides sex. Engage in some activity, hobby or game you both enjoy. You can even both agree to simply have sex every day for a week or even agree to alternate giving each other massages for the next 6 or 8 days. The physical contact can be healing for both of you and bring back intimacy and attraction.

Good luck.

najzomax

Thanks ladies. Bellelamb - I'm not sure but I have been told that we pay a lot more for groceries up here (northern Ontario) than people in Toronto and the states. My SIL live in Toronto and says we pay about 25% more for the staples than she does so $75 doesn't go very far but I am definitely trying. I also clip coupons but in canada it is mostly for cleaning supplies and household stuff as opposed to food. It's really frustrating since I can see the coupons that you guys have but I can't use them here most of the time. I price match my groceries to save going to a bunch of stores, i meal plan to avoid over spending, and I make my own bread since a loaf of plain white bread is .$2.29 regular price. I am definitely open to any tips tho. Maybe you could post a typical week meal plan so I can see where I a missing something? Melissa - you are right. Part of my resistance to losing weight is that he doesn't want to do anything together other than watch tv. He doesn't want to go for walks or anything and I don't enjoy walking by myself. Another part of my resistance is that I'm not the only one who has gained weight but am the only one expected to change. He wants to have pasta twice a week, no veggies, no salad, and he won't even try whole wheat pasta. That is a lot of carbs at the end of the day and he doesn't see how that contributes to the problem. We are definitely having other problems that are making this much worse.

najzomax

I should also add that we had a good talk this morning and he agreed to try to go for more walks. In exchange I agreed to do yoga or dancing or whatever with the girls while he is at work. We actually went for a short walk this morning. He came to talk to me just now and admitted that part of the problem is that he is unhappy about a bunch of things that have nothing to do with me but is helpless to fix. He apologized for taking his frustrations with those other people out on me

selockar

I'm glad you guys had a talk. When you are feeling more in the mood, sex is a great way to burn some calories. It might also help your reconnect.

bellelamb

Glad you had a chance to talk!!
I'd be willing to give advice on saving $ I am beyond passionate about it. I am clueless as to what you have as far as shopping though mayb a list of store would help.

najzomax

We have no frills, walmart, food basics, independent grocer, sobey's and freshco. We have target too but they don't take the US coupons, only the canadian ones but I use them when I can.

bellelamb

Do you get target mobile coupons?? I know here every few weeks we get money off fruits and veggies? Do you have cartwheel from target?? Does your Walmart price match?

A big part of saving $$ is stocking up on basics when rock bottom prices so you never pay full price for pantry stockers. Also what's your health and beauty/ house hold budget I save so much there so the extra goes towards food. So say you're spending $100 a month and cut it to $50 that's over $10 extra a week for food.

najzomax

My household and beauty is included in that $75. I use baking soda and vinegar to clean everything but dishes. Walmart does price match as does the two stores we shop at the most. I use coupons to buy shampoo, and dish soap. What is cartwheel? I've never heard of that.

bellelamb

Are you just using coupons on those things or are you getting them for $.50 or less ?? Do you have a CVS? Toothpaste, tooth brushes, shampoo, dish soap, deodorant should only be $.50 or so. Cartwheel is a target site that helps save % off different things.
I don't mean to sound bossy this is just something I've been teach a bunch of people about and it's amazing how much it helps them.
You said dh likes pasta with mobile coupons I got pasta $.27 each at target this week!!

najzomax

I will definitely check out the mobile target coupons and see if we have that in canada. We don't have a cvs but we have a rexall that sends out coupons. I clearly am not doing it right if you get that stuff for $0.50! Even with a $2 off coupon my shampoo is still $3. My last toothbrush was still $1 after the coupon off the sale price

bellelamb

Hmm I'll poke around for a good blog from Canada for you to follow that's how I learned like today at target I bought 3 big men's shampoo, 2 mucinex, two hot wheel cars, and two travel board games I paid $3.48 and got back $6.24 in gift cards plus there's a mail in rebate for $2.50 on mucinex

najzomax

That would be wonderful Bellelamb! Target here isn't as good as yours. We can't view products online, the prices aren't as good, and we only get coupons every 3 months. I'm still willing to learn though!