Introduction(warning-living child mentioned)

TeamWinForever · April 2014

Hello-I've been lurking on this board for the past few weeks and have decided to try becoming active to hopefully help in the healing process. My beautiful daughter Fiona Grace was born on March 19th via emergency c-section. She lived for about 12 hours before passing away in the nicu on March 20th. I was 25 weeks at the time. This was a textbook pregnancy and the only issue noted on our 20 week US was a partial previa. The OB said this was no big deal but scheduled a follow up US for a few weeks later. It was at that US that they discovered what they thought to be some sort of mass behind her lungs and around her spleen. However, at that point, she still had a strong heartbeat and though my MFM didn't really know the cause, we did a host of lab work, scheduled a fetal MRI and arranged for a follow up US early the following week. It was at that next US that everything took a turn for the worse. Her spleen was now grossly enlarged and fluid was now seen around her heart. They also suspected fetal anemia so I was admitted immediately to L&D for a fetal blood transfusion(this is done similarly to an amniocentesis and despite the epidural, was quite painful). Even this procedure went well and I was in recovery while the doctors spoke to my husband and I about the next steps. Before I knew what was going on, Fiona's heart rate dropped and I was rushed into an emergency c-section with general anesthesia. Fiona Grace was born 1lb 4 oz and was immediately incubated and taken to the nicu. I found out later that she required resuscitation twice before I was able physically to go see her. But, we did get to hold her, bathe her, and have her baptized before she passed. She actually passed away on my chest as I held her and talked to her. She was so beautiful and was already looking like her big sister, my 2 year old Claire. Since then, things have been such a blur. We had her services a week ago and we were also give a final cause of her death; active CMV infection. I'm still struggling with physical recovery from the c-section and I don't think I have scratched the surface of emotional healing. I apologize for such a long intro, but this is the first time I've really written out Fiona's birth story and it feels strangely good to share her story.

lexusolsen · April 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby Ben on March 15 at 27 weeks due to a placental aburption caused by a car accident. I had a c section after they discovered his heart had stopped beating. I also have a two year old dd, Katie.

stefuge · April 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet little girl, Fiona Grace. No one wants to join this club and I am so sorry you are here. Please know that we are here whenever you need us.

kel0303 · April 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Fiona Grace. We lost our baby girl, Lucy on March 3. I think you will find a lot of support here. Hugs.

LyndseyTS · April 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Fiona Grace. I hope that these boards help you with healing as they have done so for me.

schulme2 · April 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of Fiona Grace. Please use this board as much as you need to. Praying for you and your family as you grieve and begin to heal.

Jellybean71514 · April 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Fiona Grace *hugs*

Xath · April 2014

***ticker warning***

I am so sorry for the loss of your Fiona.

milb11 · April 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl Fiona.

shandorfml2 · April 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Fiona Grace. What a gorgeous name (((hugs))

Noethola · April 2014

***Siggy***

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Fiona. I hope even writing out your story and hers was a step toward healing for you. Healing does not mean forgetting, This board is great for both healing and remembering our precious children.

MCH77 · April 2014

I lost my son Timothy at 24w also from a CMV infection in Jan. I'm so sorry. I wish I could say more to you right now.

I did find 2 private FB groups that have provided some comfort and answers (I had never heard of CMV until we loss Timothy).

If you

MCH77 · April 2014

My message cut off (dumb iPad). I can PM you the FB pages later/tomorrow. ((Hugs))

kflynn81 · April 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss ((hugs))

TeamWinForever · April 2014

@MCH77‌ I would love the fb pages whenever you have a chance. I had heard of CMV, but had no idea of the devastating effects it has on a pregnancy. I feel like knowing the cause in this case is such a double edge sword; we know what happened and that brings some peace, but the flip side is that to my knowledge there is nothing that can be done to prevent it from ever happening again. Thank you everyone for the support I have found here already.

MCH77 · April 2014

TeamWinForever said:
@MCH77‌ I would love the fb pages whenever you have a chance. I had heard of CMV, but had no idea of the devastating effects it has on a pregnancy. I feel like knowing the cause in this case is such a double edge sword; we know what happened and that brings some peace, but the flip side is that to my knowledge there is nothing that can be done to prevent it from ever happening again. Thank you everyone for the support I have found here already.

I will get them to you first thing in the morning. Sorry, I don't know how to do it from my IPad.

I agree that there is some peace knowing the cause, but it still messes with you. I learned so much about CMV the last 3 months. It's frightening the impact it can cause. Do you know if this was the first time you had CMV? It was my first time. I wasn't sick enough to miss work, yet it was strong enough to kill my baby.

TeamWinForever · April 2014

According to the labwork, I had antibodies that showed a prior exposure as well as a recent one. Fiona's bloodwork and amniotic fluid were positive as well. Apparently, only the recent exposure can be damaging. I too, never felt sick, which my MFM said was totally normal for an adult with CMV. What scares me the most is the fact that they said I could have picked it up anywhere; work, daughters daycare, the grocery store. It all seems so unfair that such a common virus killed our babies

MCH77 · April 2014

I assume I got it from my son who is in daycare. He had been sick several in the fall which matches the time line.

I found this funny (I had to find humor in all of this somewhere): about a month after losing Timothy I was lying on DS's bed on my back. DH was reading to us and DS leans over me and tells me to open my mouth. I do, bc he likes to look at my teeth. Than he SPITS into my mouth. My first reaction was WTF! Than I started laughing. Everything I have learned about CMV, how to avoid it. There is no avoiding it with a 2 year old bc they will just spit in your mouth.

The more I learn about it, the more frightening I find it.

((Hugs))