Faith Friday

schulme2

Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you?

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

jonahsma

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you?
At that moment the world paused for me , it was like my life flashed before my eyes, I didn't even think of anything except that my baby died.
Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? Yes, I believe he was right there holding my hand and breathing life into me because I felt like I was dying.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? -everyday is a bit of a struggle, and everyday is a blessing and little by little God reminds me that he will see me through, that everything will be ok

stefuge

****DS mentioned***



Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you? I felt shock. All through my pregnancy I felt God reassuring me that he knew my fears for the pregnancy and he held my little boy in His hands (my delivery with DS1 was pretty traumatic and I was terrified of having another scary birth experience). I thought that meant that everything would be easy and happy and then when they couldn't find his heartbeat and I was waiting for the ultrasound that would confirm he had died, I remember thinking this can't be happening again, and then the realization that this time was going to be worse than with DS1.

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? I absolutely do. It was awful, but I do think I felt Gods reassurance. I also very clearly remember as they were preparing for the c section (which I was again terrified of from the previous bad experience) that I had worship songs running through my head. I can't remember which songs, but I remember feeling His love and his reassurance through the lyrics. The Holy Spirit interceding for me when I didn't even know what or how I should be praying.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? We are house hunting and I think I am feeling that my faith has grown. I have faith that God will provide and while it may not be what I think I want I know it will be what is best for our family. I keep going back to the fact that we are surviving one of the worst things that I ever would have thought could happen to us, and if we can survive this, and feel Gods peace and reassurance in it, we can certainly get through buying a house. Puts everything in perspective.

LyndseyTS

@stefuge I've said the same thing about perspective (though I would still rather not have gained it). Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you? I'm not sure that I would have said it in those exact words, but I felt a sense of peace, if you can call it that. I cried in the ultrasound office and even before than when my midwife used the doppler, but I wasn't hysterical as I would have expected.

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? Yes, He was (and still is). I don't think I would have been able to do everything that we needed to do without His strength. He kept me sane while we were making plans and waiting to be induced and continued to give me a sense of peace about it all.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Yesterday marked four weeks. I didn't think that it would be a tough marker, but it was for both my husband and I. I cried all the way home from work and came home to him doing the same. At least we were able to cry together for a little while. I am starting to feel more like God is still with us and that He can bring good out of this (not that the experience was "good" by any means). I was angry and doubted what good could come until last week. I still have my moments, but I feel small glimmers of hope for the future - that we might be able to do something meaningful for others to honour our daughter.

ETA: iPad formatting is seriously awful.

schulme2

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you? In that moment I felt like God was there but he wasn't helping. As I held Mary begging for Him to keep her alive, I felt like he wasn't listening and just kept wondering why he wasn't saving her.

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? I do. As I held her, I couldn't get this song out of my head "Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. You're gonna do great things, I already know. God's got his hands on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here." I feel like he put that song in my head to let me know he was there and we would be ok.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Just struggling that this TTC is going to be a difficult journey for us again. And struggling to trust God's timing and not ours.

milb11

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you? Honestly, no. I felt so abandoned and alone. I just didn't understand why it had happened. 

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? I do. I think God was weeping with me for the loss of my Elijah. 

Any new struggles/revelations this week? I went to my study group at church Sunday and multiple people commented (after 6 weeks of this class) how nice it was to see me smile. I guess I hadn't really realized that I had started to smile again. I'm happy about that, but also feel a tinge of guilt. 

dadalou

Thinking back to the moment you found out your baby had passed, in that moment did you feel like God was with you? I was very out of it. I was just waking up from the surgery when I was told. I do remember feeling peace about it.

Looking back on it now that some time has passed do you think He was with you at that moment? Definitely. Even that same day DH and I were talking about all the ways that God was with us and how the things that seemed bad at the time turned out to be good. For example, I was induced and they were going to start the epidural right away, but the anesthesiologist didn't get there before we lost Nathaniel's heart beat and I was sent to have a c section so they had to put me under. We were told that if that happened DH was not going to be allowed into the operating room. Because of this neither one of us had to experience him being born and not crying or breathing and being worked on by lots and lots of doctors.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Tomorrow it will be 2 months. I was thinking yesterday that the last two months have flown by and at the same time have seemed to be the longest of my life. I need to find some way to mark the anniversaries but I haven't come up with anything yet. Mostly I just haven't had the energy to think about it.