SIL strikes again--need encouragement to keep from going all hormonal on her.

fromvatobk

Ok, I am sure that deep down my SIL means well, but I am really struggling with this one.  As you may recall, she made a quip about my age when we first told her we were pregnant.  yesterday, she sends me a text asking how I'm feeling and we are chatting back and forth a bit.  I've been having really bad morning sickness so it was nice that she checked in.  She asks if we are telling everyone yet and says she hasn't told her boys (9, 7, and 5) yet because she wanted to wait until it was safe and my bloodwork was back and asks "when is that?"  So I explain to her that I just did the bloodwork for ultrascreen and maternit21 (should be back next week), but that she is welcome to tell the boys if she wants because the bloodwork won't change the news and also because we've heard the heartbeat twice on the doppler now (I'm 11 weeks) and my midwife said that the risks of m/c go down dramatically after that point.  Her response was basically that she would wait to tell them because she had a strong early heartbeat in her own m/c 5 years ago (which she id'd problems with at 7 weeks and lost at 9 weeks) and she didn't think it was safe to say anything until after 12 weeks.  (Bear in mind that she still told us about her last pregnancy the minute the test came back positive.)  Umm, thanks for the encouragement there SIL!!!  Did you want my answer or did you just want to take a swipe at me again???  Even my husband (her brother) was like "WHAT?!" when I told him what she said.

2redtulips

Oh, man. At this point, I might just be really direct and honest with her and say something like, "You know what, SIL? We're excited for this baby, and we're staying optimistic. It's really not helpful when you make comments like that." 

If all else fails, I'd avoid her calls for awhile. 

Hugs. I am sorry she was so insensitive.

moroccojade

Yeah.  What ^^she^^ said. 

What is her problem?

enigmasara

My brother & SIL haven't told their kids yet either.  I'm 20 weeks today.  They keep saying that it's because they are afraid of having to explain to the kids if I lose the baby.  1.  Thanks for the encouragement  2.  Your kids can't live in a bubble away from all bad news  (they still haven't explained to them about my parents getting a divorce even though it happened 2 years ago!).  

I know it's my SIL leading the way on this, like she always does.  I'm sorry you have a shitty SIL situation as well.  I always hoped for a SIL that I would love like a sister.

MommyAtty

I think someone is hacked off that they won't be "special" anymore since you will have a baby too. I would just call her on it. It's not hormonal; she's being obnoxious. My brother makes comments CONSTANTLY. But I always remember that the one area where he had performed and I hadn't was in the baby-making department. (He has six kids, and his oldest produced a child before I did.) So I just pity him.

fromvatobk

Thanks all.  This is a bit of a pattern for her ever since I "took" her brother away by meeting him many years ago.  Every time something good happens to us, she seems to try to "one-up" it.  I do think that part of the challenge here is that she had her tubes tied after the last kiddo so she couldn't even try to compete here if she wanted to.  Plus, she, and my in-laws, desperately wanted a girl (there are 4 grandsons right now) so I think MommyAtty is right that the fact that there is another possiblity for a girl is definitely grinding at her.  It's just not fun to be on the receiving end of and exhausting to constantly try and be the bigger person.  Especially when I'm just as nervous as every other mom in wanting to know that everything is all right in there.  I've dealt with a passive-aggressive stepmom my whole life practically and I was hoping to avoid that issue with my SIL.  Thought it would get better over time.  Guess that isn't going to happen, at least not right now.  Maybe if I'm lucky her next comment will come when she is in front of me and I can put the morning sickness to good use and just barf on her.

MommyAtty

Lol. Omg, I had the first girl after 8 grandsons. That could definitely be the issue. My mom honestly thinks I somehow screwed my brother over by producing a girl after he so desperately wanted one and had 6 boys. Now I'm preggers with a boy, which has just further infuriated both of them.