When do you call it quits?

hartsl01

So, I've had a tough time with DS at daycare lately. Aside from me still being an emotional wreck, I feel like I've just been arguing with DC about way too much this early.

The first disagreement came with feeding. They were wanting to start giving him cereal at 4 months. Said it was required by the state (it's not) and that DS always seemed hungry for more. I got a note from his pedi saying not to give him cereal and we agreed on an increase in his bottles. So at that point he was getting 2 6oz. bottles while he was there (I drop him off ~9:30 and DH picks him up ~5:15). DC said that once we agreed on that, DS was much happier and not cranky. So I was fine with that. Plus I watch him just about all day on camera and could tell that he was happy.

About 2-3 weeks ago (right after DS turned 5 months) DC pushed cereal again and that he would need to start solids. I was really leaning towards BLW but still hadn't made up my mind about solids. After a long talk with DH, we decided that with all factors involved and at this point, purees would be easier for both us and for DC. I've started him on some at home but once he turns 6 months, he'll need to start getting something more at DC (according to the state for licensed DC's. Unfortunately I've looked this up and have a contact who works for the state in that department and they are required to start solids at 6 months). When DC told me that DS was wanting more out of his bottle, I told them to give him 3- 4oz. bottles instead of the 2- 6oz. bottles so that he would get more throughout the day. She said that would be fine and they'd give him his first bottle around 10:30 before he goes down for a morning nap.

 I take in frozen milk on Mondays and take enough for the whole week. So, 5 days a week x 12oz. a day = 60oz. for the week. I give about 3-4oz. extra because sometimes the bags just work out that way. So, this morning when I drop off DS, one of the girls tells me that she'll need more milk for tomorrow. I ask her why, because I give them enough for the whole week and there's no way that he should be going through that much. I then get pissed (I have no poker face) and ask if they throw away the extras (hello, that stuff is liquid gold) and she said no. So I ask her how in the world is he already needing more milk. She said Oh, well he gets a 4oz bottle in the morning and then 2 6oz bottles. WHAT?! Well no wonder he doesn't want to nurse in the evenings and has been spitting up so much. (He comes home in a new outfit almost everyday because of spitting up). I was livid. I told them that was way too much for him and that they absolutely need to cut him back to the originally agreed upon 3- 4oz. bottles.

So... when do you call it quits and start looking elsewhere? I'm so torn because I know that, aside from the overfeeding, that they take really good care of him and that he is really happy there. I can watch him on camera and whenever he starts fussing they are right there for him and he loves watching and playing with the other kids.

tl;dr... when do you call it quits with DC and look for another provider?

pmarie33

I would just clarify with the caregivers.  Tape instructions to the bottle in bold letters.  If he's happy there and the only issue is how much milk he should or shouldn't be getting, moving him is not the answer.  

hartsl01

comeongetdown said:

My issue would be with the lying about state requirements for cereal in bottles and trying to force it on you.  That is a parent's choice, NOT the daycare's choice.

Yea... I was pretty pissed about this. The more I dug into it, I found out that with the food program that they do with the state, they should be providing cereal to babies that are 4 months or older so that they get the reimbursement for it. They would have given it to him on a spoon and not in his bottle. Luckily she didn't push on this at all once I got the note from the pedi. But yes, I agree that it is completely the parent's choice!

EmJ&B

WTF?

YOU are the customer. Our daycare bends over backwards to make sure we are happy. I'd be looking.

In the meantime, take bottles every day. And take only what you want him to have.

mancila60

Instead of doing bags I would do the bottles like @comeongetdown‌ suggested. That way it's already done for them. And then in the mean time I would look for a new DC they obviously can't follow directions!

megs1409

We provide the bottles for only the day, so he only gets what we provide.

Seems like too many things this early on to be dealing with. I'd probably start looking for an alternative. Just make sure when you're looking at other places you understand their policies on the stuff that is bothering you at the current DC.

BMom99

Nope. Daycare is not going to tell me how to feed my child. I could understand if they came to you to say that he still seems hungry after bottles or something similar but the cereal thing is ridiculous.

MissLauraPants

I agree with PP to try to just put the bottles for the day.  I give my daycare 4-5 already made 4 oz bottles for the day 8:30-4:30.  He usually does eat it all and that is totally enough for him.  If they then do not adhere then I would def go elsewhere.  I would be pissed at the cereal..and still find it weird that there is a state requirement at 6 months??

hartsl01

Thanks ladies... I think at this point I am going to start doing just enough milk for the day and see how we go from there. I'm also going to sit down and talk with DH more about this tonight and get his take on it. I haven't had a chance to really talk to him since he's been in meetings all morning.

EmJ&B

MissLauraPants said:

I agree with PP to try to just put the bottles for the day.  I give my daycare 4-5 already made 4 oz bottles for the day 8:30-4:30.  He usually does eat it all and that is totally enough for him.  If they then do not adhere then I would def go elsewhere.  I would be pissed at the cereal..and still find it weird that there is a state requirement at 6 months??

I feel like it means the daycare won't get state funds for feeding that infant unless they are actually eating the cereal - is that what they mean, OP? Because they could easily be saying "oh we have to give cereal" when what they mean is "Oh we have to give cereal to get the money for the cereal" . . . does that distinction makes sense?

kimbo1216

I would stop taking what he needs for the week and start taking only what he needs that day.

It sounds like you need to have a talk with the director. Remind them he is bf, not ff, and bf babies do not increase in ounces as they grow because BM changes to meet there needs.

Honestly I probably wouldn't change over what you listed. I'd just take control of the situation and not let them pressure me. I wouldn't even so purées for them. I hated purées. BLW ftw! So much easier. At 6m, I would start packing his BLW food. If he eats it great. If not, oh well. That's a stupid state rule. Feeding is a parenting decision not a state decision IMO.

carawasa

I can't understand how it is a state req to give an infant solids at 6mo. The state doesn't raise your fucking child! That's the craziest shit ever.

I would start looking for a new place ASAP if you can. I mean you probably will run into the same situation again if it is a state requirement, but maybe the next place won't be as pushy!

kablooie123

Honestly, the right daycare should work with you and make you feel like they have your back. No pushing things you are not comfortable with. Sometimes you are stuck with bad options, but if you can, look around to see what other daycares are available to you. We have had some issues with daycares in the past, and it was NO fun having to look around again, but we were really, really glad when we found something better.

tashad18

You are paying the daycare for their services.  You are they parent.  They are not.  They should follow your instructions for the feeding of your child.  End. Of. Story.

stephl3055

KuhaBaby said:

The only thing my DC has said to me was that my LO seemed like he was still hungry when he was done with a bottle so I increased the ounces by a half ounce in all 4 bottles and that did the trick.

Our daycare told us the same thing around 4 months.  We increased the amount and the issue was resolved and we've never heard anything else about what or when she eats.  LO is 6 months and no one has ever mentioned us giving her solids or when are we going to start. 

What state are you in?

sleepy33

EmJ&B said:

MissLauraPants said:

I agree with PP to try to just put the bottles for the day.  I give my daycare 4-5 already made 4 oz bottles for the day 8:30-4:30.  He usually does eat it all and that is totally enough for him.  If they then do not adhere then I would def go elsewhere.  I would be pissed at the cereal..and still find it weird that there is a state requirement at 6 months??

I feel like it means the daycare won't get state funds for feeding that infant unless they are actually eating the cereal - is that what they mean, OP? Because they could easily be saying "oh we have to give cereal" when what they mean is "Oh we have to give cereal to get the money for the cereal" . . . does that distinction makes sense?

I am sure that you are correct.

hlb622

Yeahhhh, either stand your ground and put them in their place, or leave. There's no way in hell I would let DC tell me what to do with my child.

(And I've never heard of any state requirements about cereal and/or solids, so I'm suspicious about that.)

hartsl01

sleepy33 said:

EmJ&B said:

MissLauraPants said:

I agree with PP to try to just put the bottles for the day.  I give my daycare 4-5 already made 4 oz bottles for the day 8:30-4:30.  He usually does eat it all and that is totally enough for him.  If they then do not adhere then I would def go elsewhere.  I would be pissed at the cereal..and still find it weird that there is a state requirement at 6 months??

I feel like it means the daycare won't get state funds for feeding that infant unless they are actually eating the cereal - is that what they mean, OP? Because they could easily be saying "oh we have to give cereal" when what they mean is "Oh we have to give cereal to get the money for the cereal" . . . does that distinction makes sense?

I am sure that you are correct.



Yes, this is correct. I had to run out for lunch quick. At this point I'm going to sit down with the director and have it in writing exactly what ds should be getting. They take great care of him otherwise and I hate to mess with that by looking for a new center. I might speak with my boss too and see if I can change up my lunch schedule so I can go over there and nurse him on lunch.

As far as solids, she did say I can take food in for him but it needs to include a protein and a veggie since he's not getting cereal.

amber0529

I'm assuming the state thing means the daycare has to be willing to feed them food after 6 months, not that all children are required to have food after 6 months.

I would be upset if they went behind my back & fed him more but I'm not sure I would switch centers if this is the only issue. I would probably talk to the director first.

Ballstategrad

I take baby (and the one before her) to daycare in the same state as you, @hartsl01‌ and I've never heard of that requirement.

hartsl01

Ballstategrad said:

I take baby (and the one before her) to daycare in the same state as you, @hartsl01‌ and I've never heard of that requirement.

Quote fail... it's required for the food program that they do. That's how they get their money from the state. Looking back, this is something I would have asked about, but as a FTM, solids and feeding were the furthest from my mind when looking for a daycare. But then again, hindsight is always 20/20.

danandkam

I don't know what state you are in, but I do know that in TN there is no such licensing rule. I am a licensing counselor here (meaning I regulate and enforce TN licensing rules in 11 different counties and provide technical assistance) and I have never heard of anything regarding cereal and solids being required at 6 months. It's certainly not the rule here. What state do you live in?

Ballstategrad

hartsl01 said:

Ballstategrad said:

I take baby (and the one before her) to daycare in the same state as you, @hartsl01‌ and I've never heard of that requirement.

Quote fail... it's required for the food program that they do. That's how they get their money from the state. Looking back, this is something I would have asked about, but as a FTM, solids and feeding were the furthest from my mind when looking for a daycare. But then again, hindsight is always 20/20.

Hmm. Ours doesn't have any kind of food program so maybe it is regulated differently. That's not a question I would have thought to ask either as a ftm.

alylove11

YGPM!

Ursidae

I haven't read all the responses, but reading about increase in bottle count/decrease in formula per bottle made me think how my LO would probably flip out over the seemingly drop in intake based on her perception (Per bottle). Introducing a new feeding time (with a decreased amount) seems logical to me, but changing the regularly scheduled/portioned feeding seems like a stressor for baby (& ultimately DC provider-which isn't to say their job should be easy, etc.)
Just my two cents, for what it's worth.

muffyvonmuff

I would be annoyed they are trying to make your parenting decisions for you.  Dont you pay them to follow your instructions?

hartsl01

alylove11 said:

YGPM!

Back at ya!

sooner1981

The cereal stuff is total bs, but....

I think if you are only doing 12 ounces of milk and they are telling you he is hungry, he may really be hungry.

I have a pretty scrawny little guy, and he is with a babysitter from 8:30 to 5:30. I nurse him right before I leave him, and he still routinely eats 17-18 ounces every single day. My daughter was the same way with her babysitter. They freak out when it is time for the next feeding and would have raised holy hell if they only got 12 ounces a day, however it was split up.

Maybe try increasing the bottle sizes some, and see if he is fuller--which may cause them to lay off you on pushing solids. It is hard to deal with a cranky hungry baby when you have several babies to take care of.

Also, re: the spit up,