Advice: Friends TTC and we want to start

Klein2bReidy

I have a feeling I already know the answer to this question but my DH and I want to tread lightly. My DH and I are pretty closed when it comes to TTC with our friends however we are very close to this group of friends. We have one couple who have been TTC for over 18 months and they are starting to go through tests with doctors. They have been together for 7 years 2 of them married. My DH and I have been discussing baby's and we have decided to not necessarily start trying but cut out preventative measures in August.  We will have been together over 5 years but married less than one. My concern is the wife of the couple has mentioned on numerous occasion that she has a teacher friend that has been married 6 months and they are already TTC and 2 months later they succeeded. This made her so upset she sunk into a deep depression for 2 days. We don't want to be the cause of depression but at the same time we want to start our family. I just don't want to feel bad for being happy.

I do know that the couple that successfully got pregnant has quite a few marital and relationship issues with verbal abuse and they think a baby will fix this problem. I think that is the reason she is so upset but I don't want to assume.

ronniesgirl1981

You are very kind to be concerned with your friend's feelings, but you need to live your life.  Good luck to you.

gsancho

We know people will live their lives - it's not like everyone has to tip toe around infertility and we definitely don't want pity.  So don't worry too much about how soon you may or may not get pregnant.  What's more important is that you are sensitive to how or what you say.  Things like complaining about not getting pregnant after 4 or 5 months, announcing a pregnancy in an unthoughtful (blindsiding) manner, complaining about pregnancy symptoms - those are the more hurtful things.  It sounds like you are already being mindful of her feelings, which is great.

I'll still cry and be sad for myself when I hear of a new pregnancy, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy for them at the same time.  Depending on how close you are, maybe you could let her know you are thinking of trying, and you may have questions for her down the road depending on how things go?  My best friend did that, and it helped me handle the news better when she told me she was pregnant.

athlete010688

gsancho said:

We know people will live their lives - it's not like everyone has to tip toe around infertility and we definitely don't want pity.  So don't worry too much about how soon you may or may not get pregnant.  What's more important is that you are sensitive to how or what you say.  Things like complaining about not getting pregnant after 4 or 5 months, announcing a pregnancy in an unthoughtful (blindsiding) manner, complaining about pregnancy symptoms - those are the more hurtful things.  It sounds like you are already being mindful of her feelings, which is great.

I'll still cry and be sad for myself when I hear of a new pregnancy, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy for them at the same time.  Depending on how close you are, maybe you could let her know you are thinking of trying, and you may have questions for her down the road depending on how things go?  My best friend did that, and it helped me handle the news better when she told me she was pregnant.

This exactly!  It kills me to see facebook posts of people complaining about their pregnancies.  That's what hurts the most IMO.  

Klein2bReidy

I try and be as mindful as possible it is difficult. We start into a conversation and then I say something which I didn't think should offend but then I see her face so it makes it really difficult when we are starting to get in the swing of things. I really want to be supportive and mindful but I am also not sure what will be offensive and what won't I am definitely not going to boast that I am pregnant but we are not the couple to complain after 4 to 5 months if it happens we will be happy if it doesn't than we are content too. 

Klein2bReidy

Sorry "Shouldn't offend"*

Pintobean39

What upsets me the most is I have a friend (I say that loosely) that got preg on Bc. Her husband told my husband so he could tell me, at the time we thought she was 7 weeks. I assumed it was still a secret but she was actually 10 weeks. We went to a gathering that night and everyone was talking about it behind my back. If I walked up to group of ppl they shut up quickly. They even pulled my husband to the side asking him if he told me. I left early and cried the whole way home because I felt horrible and so left out. I'm perfectly capable of being happy for other people you don't have to hide things from me. I sent her and her husband a text the next day congratulating them and apologizing for not saying something the night before because I thought it was a secret.

She's actually due in 3-4 months and to this day no one will even mention it to me that she's preg and she hasn't said a word to me either about it.