Late Loss

luckyclover0922

Hello... not sure which board I should be posting this in but I recently lost my son Christopher 3 weeks ago at 27w5d due to bilateral renal agenesis which is incompatible with life. He lived for a little over an hour and it was the most precious hour of my life. Prior to that we had a MC at 8.5 weeks in June 2013. No parent should ever have to say hello and goodbye in the same day...

Hard to believe but my MFM and my OB have both said that I can TTC once I my postpartum bleeding has stopped (which is has 2 days ago) as the body is only going to get pregnant when it is ready. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy/delivery with no tearing or placental problems. My husband and I are going to TTC as soon as I have a positive OPK and temps somewhat "normalize". Have any of you ladies been successful after a late loss and if so how quickly after did you conceive and did you have any problems in doing so if you previously did not have trouble with fertility?

ikrystal

You are in the right place.  I am so sorry for your loss. You are right - it is the hardest thing in the world to say goodbye to your baby and so unfair to say hello and goodbye in the same day.  I would also try the Trying to Conceive After Loss Board (TTCAL), as I think that would be a great place for you as well.  Many people on this board belong to both boards, but there are also people who only belong to the Loss board.  Any questions for TTC might be better directed at TTCAL.  I wish you the best of luck.  

stefuge

I am so sorry for your losses and that you find yourself here.  Many of our Loss moms have gone on to have rainbow babies - you might want to post this question on PAL (parenting after a loss) as well - although many of them check in here also. 

We were instructed by our doctor to wait at least 6 months, and encouraged to wait a full year, before TTCAL, although this is primarily due to the fact that I had a C-section.  I know that I have needed that time to grieve, and that my feelings towards trying for another have gone up and down and all over the place in the past 7 months.  We know now that we do want to try again, but we are both content with waiting, giving us both time to grieve our little boy and be ready for the rollercoaster of trying for another baby. 

mmsweeney1

I'm so sorry for your loss. Of course everyone is different, but I got my first period 3 months after my 39 week loss. That wait was the hardest! I was really scared to try again, but I also kept telling myself that my body would know whay it was ready. I was pregnant on my second cycle, and even one cycle with negative tests was so hard for me. I wanted to be pregnant right away - it was all I could think about.
I hope you will start to feel some peace soon after losing your precious son.

OSUWifey09

***TICKER/rainbow baby mentioned***



I'm so, so sorry for your loss. You're right - no parent should EVER have to say hello and good bye in the same day. It's the hardest thing anyone ever has to do.

I lost my son at 34.5 weeks to a placental abruption, and my OB told me I could start TTCing as soon as I was ready, but I had to wait three months because of some shot I had gotten at the hospital after delivering Devon. We tried that first month we were cleared, got a BFN, and I just about lost it emotionally. I wanted to be pregnant so badly that getting that BFN tore me down. After that, I went on BCP for 3 months and took time to do some counseling and drop some weight. Stress and the impact of the loss were really affecting me, so I took some time to regroup. Nine months to the day that we lost Devon, we got a BFP; our rainbow was born in January.

Please do what you feel is best for you. I know some loss moms who conceived again right away, but I'm glad I wasn't one of them. Being PgAL is HARD; I was so relieved when our rainbow was here because I could quit worrying as much. Every little milestone during the TTC and PgAL process is a lot harder after a loss, so be prepared. But we - along with the TTCAL and PgAL boards - are here for you. *hugs*

Noethola

***ticker***

I am so very sorry for the losses you have faced. 

Our daughter most likely passed due to a cord accident or a blood clot at 36w, but we really dont know. I was 13 weeks post partum before my period returned, and waiting for it was torture, as me dr had cleared us immediately as well. Every month we got a BFN was really difficult, and the month we got a BFP was difficult too, but in a different way. We conceived six months after we lost our daughter. Looking back, I am thankful for the time to process our loss. I then had to learn how to process it through the pregnancy with my son. 

Again, so very sorry for your losses.

shandorfml2

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Christopher. (((hugs)). We started trying when we were cleared at my 6 week follow up. We've been trying a year. However I have PCOS and went on the pill for three months to regulate my cycle. I must agree with PP, that I am glad I did not get pregnant right away. I cannot imagine being pregnant and grieving. I think it would have been unhealthy for me, and the baby. I'd say it took a good 3-4 months before I was emotionally "stable" and functioning (back to work, not crying every day). I wish you strength, sweet heart. This is not an easy road and I wish none of us had to walk down it!

schulme2

I am so sorry for your loss and send you healing thoughts. This is all so difficult and as much as I wish I could say I've experienced pgal, I can't. I wish we didn't have to wait so long and we could get our bfp but I am thankful for this time to heal emotionally and grieve. I instantly wanted another baby in belly but he/she would not be a replacement. And as more time passed the desire was still there but the frantic urgency subsided. Big hugs to you!

princezjk

***Sig Warning***

I believe I responded to your post on PgAL.  Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.  I was cleared to TTC after 3 cycles.  I did get pregnant right away, but that pregnancy ended with a blighted ovum at 6 weeks.  I then got pregnant again the very next cycle and am currently 24 weeks.  PgAL can be a difficult act of balancing grief with joy.  Sending you lots of T&P and (((hugs)))

Bgirma

I am so sorry for your loss. You are right- saying hello and goodbye to our children on the same day is so incredibly painful.

I lost my son in 12/25 due to a fetal-maternal hemmorage. It's incredibly rare and has no risk factors, warning signs or increased likely of occurring again. Even so, the idea of TTC again is terrifying to me! My period returned almost exactly 6 weeks postpartum and my OB cleared us to try again whenever we feel ready. She feels confident that we will have a "normal" pregnancy but I think I need more time to emotionally recover. My husband and I are just starting to discuss it and are thinking of beginning to try in June.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this as well and hope you're successful in conceiving your rainbow.

luckyclover0922

You ladies are very sweet and supportive. I am sorry that all of you are a part of the same group that I am that no one wants to be or should be a part of. I appreciate your kind words and help with my questions.

LyndseyTS

I can't help you out in terms of TTC (I am at the point of wanting to try again, but I need to let my emotions figure everything out and my husband is not - which is okay), but I am sorry for the loss of your little one and hope that the boards will be of help to you.

Jellybean71514

I'm so sorry for your loss, I have not started to TTC again but my OB said I can start after about 2 cycles so we are currently on the bench waiting- prayers for you as you go through this difficult time xo

VyD81

I'm so sorry for your the loss of Christopher.