nervous about testing (losses mentioned)

gabbagal

Hi all, I'm still pretty new here. I posted an intro a few weeks ago, but to recap, I am about to turn 41 (DH is 42) and have had two pregnancies that both ended in miscarriages (at 39 and 40). We were doing a mix of NTNP and TTC #1 off and on over the past couple of years, and after the second loss decided to meet with an RE (in Feb). I was too scared and nervous to follow up during my last cycle in Mar, but I woke up today with AF and decided I just need to do it. DH and I still aren't sure if we want to continue TTC or if we want to go the IVF route, but I felt I needed to at least get all the info before we definitely close the book. I scheduled my CD3 bloodwork, ultrasound and x-ray of uterus and tubes, and got my prescription for Clomid to start this weekend. After I made all the appts, I hung up the phone and started to cry a little. I have no idea why. I think I'm just overwhelmed and scared (more for the procedures than the results). I think it also takes me back to all the draining appointments and follow-ups I had at the beginning of January for my most recent miscarriage and scheduling three more in a week just brought me back. You women are so strong and have gone through so much, I feel a little silly to get weepy over a couple of blood tests and some imaging tests. Thanks for letting me vent and share my fears and feelings. It's a crazy road and I wish everyone else all the luck on it!

Davie813

Hang in there!  As you say, it probably is worse because of all the testing surrounding your recent loss.  It's plenty intimidating on its own, though.  I did my CD 3 bloodwork last Friday, and I was incredibly anxious.  For what it's worth, I do feel glad to have gotten started now that it's done, even though I didn't get terrifically encouraging results.  I hope yours are better!

gabbagal

@Davie813, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm so sorry your results were not encouraging, I hope you're able to beat whatever odds may be in your way

@IFinTN thanks for your encouragement. We also originally said we didn't want any kind of intervention and now we're considering IVF, we'll see if and how the line changes after our results, I guess. And the Clomid is apparently for the Clomid challenge test where I only have to take it for 5 days then have follow-up bloodwork, sorry I wasn't very clear about that. We don't currently have kids but have discussed and accepted the idea of being child free, if that's how things turn out.

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gscoville

gabbagal said:

@Davie813, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm so sorry your results were not encouraging, I hope you're able to beat whatever odds may be in your way

@IFinTN thanks for your encouragement. We also originally said we didn't want any kind of intervention and now we're considering IVF, we'll see if and how the line changes after our results, I guess. And the Clomid is apparently for the Clomid challenge test where I only have to take it for 5 days then have follow-up bloodwork, sorry I wasn't very clear about that. We don't currently have kids but have discussed and accepted the idea of being child free, if that's how things turn out.

I'm concerned that you're taking Clomid without first having your testing done, typically you should have had an HSG and your husband's SA done at least before starting it.  Are you going to be TTC while doing this Clomid challenge cycle?  Also, are you aware that you have a lifetime max of only 6 Clomid cycles that you can take, ever?  It seems suspicious to me when doctors prescribe a round of clomid as a 'test' cycle when you're only allowed so few total, seems irresponsible to waste one of a limited number of cycles on a test cycle. I do hope you're at least getting ultrasounds as well as bloodwork monitoring of any clomid cycle you're doing, it's a dangerous drug that needs lots of watching as you take it.

gabbagal

@gscoville, my RE said the Clomid test was to check my ovarian reserve which I believe is more for insurance purposes. He said if the results come back a certian way, he knows his treatments won't work and insurance won't cover it. I was told to get my initial bloodwork on CD3, take Clomid CD 5-9, then come back for follow-up bloodwork on CD 10. I was also told to make the HSG appt sometime between CD 5-12, so I'm doing that on CD 10. Are there other thinks I should be asking or looking out for? I get very nervous anytime I take a new drug for the first time, so I want to make sure I'm prepared and monitored and doing things right.

@JimBobCooter, I'm so glad the results lead you to a path you're comfortable with and helped you make that decision. I'm hoping to at least get the best understanding of odds and choices before we commit to any of them (or commit to none of them!) Though I'm still freaked out.

ksgsmu

I understand your fears, but knowing what you are dealing with will help you make decisions. Knowledge is power and like any medical issue it is up to you to be your own advocate.  So do all you can to learn and be informed!

***you should also get a thyroid screening.  Most RE's do this in the standard blood work but make sure you get it done.  Also your partner needs a sperm analysis at your age your eggs will most likely get the blame but there is a 50% chance of male issues.

Good luck!

gabbagal

Thanks for the tip! DH is supposed to schedule an analysis before we book our follow-up appointment, but he is decidedly less nervous about his "contribution" to the testing process.

gscoville

gabbagal said:

@gscoville, my RE said the Clomid test was to check my ovarian reserve which I believe is more for insurance purposes. He said if the results come back a certian way, he knows his treatments won't work and insurance won't cover it. I was told to get my initial bloodwork on CD3, take Clomid CD 5-9, then come back for follow-up bloodwork on CD 10. I was also told to make the HSG appt sometime between CD 5-12, so I'm doing that on CD 10. Are there other thinks I should be asking or looking out for? I get very nervous anytime I take a new drug for the first time, so I want to make sure I'm prepared and monitored and doing things right.

@JimBobCooter, I'm so glad the results lead you to a path you're comfortable with and helped you make that decision. I'm hoping to at least get the best understanding of odds and choices before we commit to any of them (or commit to none of them!) Though I'm still freaked out.

It sounds like your RE is covering all bases well, that's good to hear!  We get so many people on these boards who walk into an OB and get prescribed clomid like it's candy, without really knowing how it's supposed to be done properly.  You've got a detailed plan in place including a list of dates for testing, monitoring, and such so that's reassuring, you're in good hands as far as I can see.  I would just ask about ultrasound monitoring if you move on to TTC with clomid cycles, bloodwork only monitoring is not enough.  Clomid can cause thinned lining, cysts, and overstimulation of the ovaries which aren't detectable through b/w alone, thus the need for multiple u/s throughout a clomid cycle to check on response as well as possible 'over response'.

pinksandbermuda

It is very nerve wracking and intimidating. Especially after going through losses. I am getting my testing done soon as well.
It sounds like you have a great plan in place. I don't have a lot of experience with all of this to give you much advice. But I hope you get some answers and you get your bfp soon!

BeckyP005

Just wanted to send you some hugs!! It is so overwhelming and never feel silly for being wimpy! Everyone had to start at the beginning at one point in their journey. Hoping your feeling a bit better today

gabbagal

Thanks everyone! DH and I had a really long talk last night which didn't really lead to any solid answers or a better idea of how or if we want to proceed, but it was really good to talk everything out with him and confirm that we'll be ok even if kids are not in our future. I'm still a little nervous about the Clomid challenge and might skip that part for now. Hopefully I can just do the CD3 blood work and ultrasound tomorrow and get some basic info without committing to anything beyond that right now.

PrivateOne

You actually sound a bit like the me of a couple of years ago.  However, I never got pregnant on my own before seeing a specialist (sorry for your losses).  I recall how overwhelming the whole process was to me.  It almost made me paralyzed with fear.  I often wept over the process and the thoughts of failure and disappointment that may come my way.  Because of all those feelings it only made me procrastinate more.  Looking back I can honestly say I know that I personally wasted valuable time on my biological clock. Once I set my mind to it, I realized I needed to do what I needed to do in order to get the end result I wanted.  Would it be unpleasant and difficult at times sure, but I know it needed to be done.  I found it very helpful to take one day at a time and not let my mind wander all over the place about the future and what may or may not happen.  And in the times when you are upset and sad allow yourself to be so. It is a natural part of this process.  As well, when things fall into line and you have good news, celebrate and enjoy it. 

Regardless of what you ultimately decided to do  I wish you nothing but the best in the next steps of your journey.  Always remember you can lean on us here for support and get our opinion on things we have experienced.