Late Term and Child Loss

Supporting him?

Hey ladies. I need some input/advice. My boyfriend has started to open up a little since the loss. He told me last night that he just doesn't feel like he has processed it yet, almost like he suppressed it. He felt like he had to be strong because it was the right thing to do. He said he just doesn't know what he feels right now, just that he feels off. 

He has been so strong and supportive for me thus far. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but I definitely feel like I am in a better spot than I was two months ago. It seems that he is just starting to enter his grieving. Any advice on how I can best support him? 

Just a bit of background on him. Elijah was his third loss. He had two previous early losses with his ex-wife. He has no living children. 

Re: Supporting him?

  • I wish I had advice.  When my husband breaks down, all I do is hug him and listen.  I'm not really sure what to do either.  Lots of (((hugs))) to you. 
  • I try to just listen ....I also reassure him that he can talk to me even though I'm sad which he does- at the beginning he was sad and cried a bit then he got into this positive mode of 'everything will be ok' and 'we will have kids' thing that made me nuts because I wanted to just be sad but now as I'm trying to get myself better it does help me- I also notice lately he might get upset or snap here and there then he catches himself and apologizes ... I let him know at those times too it's ok and to talk it out if he wants to. I'm taking him with me to our first group counseling session on Thursday hoping that helps. I understand your question and not sure I gave a good answer bc I also find myself thinking what more can I do to help him when I feel like all he has been doing is trying to help and pull me out of this darkness. Maybe you both can make plans to do something fun like a comedy club or show that's what I was thinking for this weekend for both of us - xo
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  • Have you guys considered going to grief counseling? MH and I went together for a while and we really felt like it helped. He would open up more and it helped having a professional who sort of knew what to ask or suggest.
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
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    Keep listening to him, validate him, and let him know its okay to share the load. Follow his lead, and ask him how you can best support and help him. I second the grief counseling.
    Lilypie - (qptF)

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    I agree with pp. Just let him know that you're there to listen to him and support him in any way possible. Counseling might also help.

    H is one who suppresses his emotions - he did the same thing after Devon died. When our rainbow was born in January, all of those emotions came back up, and he's been seeing a counselor to talk through them on his own. I'm not even hurt that he doesn't really want to talk to me about it, because I just want him to talk to SOMEONE. Most times, men and women handle their emotions and loss so differently that it's hard to know what to do. Follow his lead and support him with love and attention. I hope things get better soon. **hugs**


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