MIL - baby shower awkwardness

hatrats

This is kind of a half vent, half wwyd.  I actually really like my MIL, but am not really sure what the deal is here.

A couple of months ago, the ILs hosted a big family baby shower for us, and it was a lot of fun.  Saturday, a friend of mine had a small shower for my girl friends (all around my age range).  Somehow MIL found out about it (either DH mentioned it, or she saw pics on fb) and she told him that she wishes I'd tell her when my showers were so she could come.

She then asked if I was having any more, and he told her just a work one.  She told him to be sure I tell her when it is so she can come.  He responded, "But you don't work there..."  I mean, this shower is going to be nothing more than some snacks with my coworkers on a lunch break in the conference room.  It would be pretty out of place if my MIL showed up.

She sent DH home that afternoon with some diapers she had picked up for us.  I sent her a message on fb to thank her, and never got a response.  I feel bad that she is upset for not being invited to this other shower I had, but honestly it never crossed my mind, and I didn't really think it was something I needed to invite her to.

Also note, my own mom wasn't/isn't invited to these other showers either.  DH insists I shouldn't feel bad and that she is just excited (fwiw, this is her not her first grandchild).  Should I just hope she forgets about the work shower thing and not mention it?

MrsT2008

She's being way oversensitive IMO.  I get feeling bad that she feels bad, but really, she has no reason to be at your friends' shower and definitely no reason to be at your work shower.  I just wouldn't bring up the work shower unless she does and then explain that it's not something anyone outside your group is going to.

amroke

Did she invite your friends or coworkers to the family shower?

jfletcher3113

I think it's really weird that she expects to be invited to those other showers, especially the work one.  The only reason I could see her getting upset is if your mom was invited and she wasn't, but that's not the case here.

I agree with PP that she's being overly-sensitive.

I would take your DH's advice. Don't worry about it, don't mention it and carry on as usual.  If she wants to ask you directly, you can respond then.

You can't be responsible for her overreaction. I might follow up with a thank you phone call for the diapers, though. Maybe she didn't get the FB message?

hatrats

amroke said:

Did she invite your friends or coworkers to the family shower?

Nope, just our relatives

lavendergiraffes

Is this her first grandchild? Maybe she is just over-excited. But yes, over-sensitive too. I would just not mention it unless she says something to you about it. Especially since your dh pointed out that she doesn't work with you. If she mentions it to you just reiterate that. If she is really insistent is there anything wrong with her coming? I'd just go with it if she feels that strongly about it.

amroke

hatrats said:

amroke said:

Did she invite your friends or coworkers to the family shower?

Nope, just our relatives

Then can you say something like you really appreciated the family shower, but your friends also wanted to do something for you. And that as far as the work shower, it's traditionally only attended by coworkers, but you appreciate her thinking of you.

usernewname

I think she's being a little much. I only invited my MIL and the grandma-in-law because it was my only shower so I thought I'd include them in the celebration.

But to come to your friends and co-worker's shower … a bit much.

Tkburke

I don't think she needs to be invited to the work one. Like you said, it's super casual. I know my mom and mil would be super upset if they weren't invited to the shower being thrown by my girlfriends, even though there is a separate family one. My mil especially. She is very emotional, and this is the first grandchild for both our sets of parents, so everyone is overly excited. Maybe just tell her you are sorry her feelings were hurt. But I really don't think she needs to be invited to your work shower. That seems totally ridiculous.

whitneymarie003

I honestly wouldn't feel bad at all.. I don't see why she's upset. I agree it would be very odd for her to go to your work shower. My MIL is the same way, so I completely understand what you're going through. She should understand even more because your own mom isn't going to the other showers. You haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sure she'll come around!

RedInLove

I agree with PPs, she really has no place to expect to be invited to every shower. YOU are the guest of honor, not her. As for the work shower, if she asks you when it is just tell her you don't know. If there's a chance that she could contact your co-workers, let them know so they can avoid her or deflect in some way. Of any additional shower, the last one she has any place being at would be a work shower. That's just asking too much and almost starting to sound a bit AWish on her part to me.

deanna1313

I would just forget about it. If it comes up again or she pushes the issue you should have your husband talk to her about it.
It is crazy for her to want to come to your work shower.

Helmink0804

I agree with your DH- don't worry about it. She'll get over it. Have fun and enjoy!

hatrats

Thanks everyone.  It's good to know that I'm not the one being a bitch for not inviting her to everything.    Luckily DH's response to her already alluded to the fact that it would be weird for her to come to my work shower, so hopefully it won't come up again.