Developmental clinic--boo

brachysira

M is almost 15 months, and is 13 months adjusted.  We went to the developmental clinic at 6 months adj, and it went well.  They recommend you go back at intervals until age 3 and our next appt  was today.

It was a total disaster.  M literally would not do anything they wanted, and instead crawled around the psych tester to get into her kit and tried to play with the toys for older babies.  She wanted the tester's big necklace, and would not listen to her--she just kept pointing at the necklace.  She wanted the tester's pen, and threw a fit because she could not have it.  The tester, who was about 60, was like, I have never seen a baby this age act so badly.  She said, most 1 year-olds want to see what you are doing, not just do what they want.  She said, I have no concerns about her development, but I do have concerns about her behavior.  She suggested we set more limits and get her into more playgroups.  She had never seen a more independent and self-directed baby.

I was like, oh, this is very atypical. It IS atypical for her to cry and throw fits at home, with baby-sitters, or at playgroups/storytime/etc.   I have seen some of the test books and thought she would score 18-24 months in most areas, except perhaps gross motor, although the physical therapist said she was 16 months in that after observing her run around and act bratty--she wouldn't do anything she was asked in that part of the test either, but I guess you can just tell about gross motor development by observing the movements.  M does everything we ask at home, like pick up her toys, get toys we name, take off her shirt, and she says more than 20 words.  However, we hide the pens, computers, jewelry, and other items because we know it will be a big fight if she sees things she cannot have.  Throwing a fit when she can't have something is not atypical for her.  I thought all babies were like this, but apparently this psychologist has not seen one in her 40 years of practice.  I can't believe that babies just sit there while the tester writes with a pen and they have to play with blocks and cannot have the pen although it is in reach, but apparently no baby has ever wanted the pen before.

She would not let the physical doctor look in her ears and had to be held down by both mom and nurse together in order for him to look, which I could tell was also atypical by the way everyone was acting super shocked and saying how strong she was.  They finally said, oh, her ear is red, so she's probably getting an ear infection and that is why she is acting so badly.  Perhaps...   I was surprised she was not into the activities, but I am not surprised that she was so mad that she wasn't allowed to play with some of the items that she didn't want to participate.  Is this really so atypical that she must be sick if she would do this? 

I am just bummed because I thought we would get to report how awesome M is, and now I am told she has a behavior problem.  Whatever.  I think she's fine, but how disappointing.  

brachysira

Thanks.  Yeah, I wondered if she maybe was afraid since last time we were at a doctor's office she had a blood draw that was terrible--squeezing and stabbing for what seemed like 10 minutes.  That was a couple months ago, but I think she remembers a lot.  I think this lady just had a lot of triggers for M.  If I could name 5 things she wants all the time, it is technology, jewelry, pens, silverware, and paper.  We just don't leave these things out because we know it will be a battle if she sees them but isn't allowed to play with them.  The lady had a huge necklace, spoons in her open kit, and sat down at the tiny table with M and set out her paper and pen.  Then she wanted M to play with her blocks, which are just like the ones she has access to every day at home.  Perhaps there is something wrong with M, but there's never a time when I would get out a pen and piece of paper right next to M and then tell her she needed to follow specific directions dealing with commonly accessible items and expect her to comply.  At home, we don't set M up for tantrums by tempting her with things she cannot have, and this was clearly a scene set for her to be mad.

JoJoGee

What about getting a second opinion?  What does your pedi think?  

Sometimes us moms see things through rose colored glasses.  And, sometimes our children just have an off day on the wrong day.  But, a second opinion could help you sort out if there is an issue that needs to be addressed.  And, it is better to address it now than to wait.

brachysira

Our pedi does not think there is a problem.  M is always friendly there and says hi to everyone.  She sits still at library story time and the librarian says she is one of the most focused babies there (although that is a preferred activity, I guess).  We go to a developmental playgroup and the teachers there think she is fine.  The preemie clinic people didn't recommend anything except setting more limits, so I don't know if we should get a second opinion on that.  I guess she could have a problem--if M wants your phone, she won't be distracted by other toys--but although that might be a sign of something, I don't think they would test/diagnose at 13 months adjusted.  I will ask her pedi about it anyway.

brachysira

Yeah, I would have been disappointed that she was untestable, but I wouldn't have been so freaked out if the tester hadn't been like, "no babies ever act like this."  Maybe she usually tests a different age or something.  We are going to the pedi today for the ear infection.  I really don't think she has one--she was acting a little bit tired and not hungry before the appt yesterday, but she seems fine today.  She had a giant poopy diaper when we got home, so she might have been uncomfortable in that way.  However, I honestly don't think any day would be any different with respect to her wanting to play with the kit on the floor, wanting the necklace, or wanting the pen and paper.  We take a music class and she is the youngest except for one other baby.  Everyone else is 2 or 3.  M always cries when they take away the egg shaker to play with scarves or whatever.  She gets over it quickly, but no one else cries.  Although the other baby just wanders aimlessly and does not participate at all.  M is just not very good at giving things up or being told she can't have something, but I really don't think this is so weird or a problem--she'll get better with practice but I'm not just going to leave out pens so I can tell her no.  I do think a better tester wouldn't have left all the toys in the kit in view and would have written on a clipboard instead of on the table right by M.  I know she can do all the things so I guess it's fine.  Perhaps other babies are more chill, but I think I need more evidence before I decide M has a behavior problem.

rslhmg

I agree with bostonkisses about the evaluator lying her butt off about not seeing that before. At dds eval around that age, she did something similar. Our evaluator said it was pretty typical at that age. Dd still has outbursts like that on occasion (especially over cell phones), but so did her brothers who were full term and had no issues as far as I know (step sons, so not 100% sure how they behaved at that age, just what I"ve been told)

Brummy14

Wait, she's saying babies don't try to take her things -- and if they do, don't become hysterical when taken away? Where are these babies?! Can I trade?

In all seriousness, I just recently posted my own frustrations about these developmental follow ups. I don't have a better solution, but we can't necessarily expect these babies to perform like circus animals when instructed to do so. Especially in unfamiliar, often triggering, environments.

I think a second opinion is a great idea -- but also, if your pedi is not concerned, that might be good enough. I see both with our girls -- we have our neos who want to intervene on everything at the earliest possible moment, whereas our pedi is on the opposite end of the spectrum -- more "they'll get there on their own time." I think there are merits of both approaches, and I tend to fall somewhere in the middle -- I get the help where it's clearly needed (DD2's gross motor delays), and where they are borderline, we give it more time. 

brachysira

I just don't know what a second opinion would be for or who we would ask.  None of the people at the preemie assessment thought she was delayed.  They said things like, "I have no concerns about her development, but I am concerned about her behavior."  And "she is probably very smart."  She scores a zero on the MCHAT and I have no problems with her in day-to-day life or groups that would suggest we need some kind of behavioral assessment or parenting classes.  The psych seemed to only be suggesting DD had not be taught to behave, and I think that's pretty ridiculous considering she's barely over a year old.  I don't want to ignore something that's wrong, but she definitely won't qualify for Early On and I don't see how we would even get another type of evaluation when no one is recommending it.   I will talk with her group teachers and observe her in settings where she doesn't get to choose exactly what to do.  But honestly at library storytime there is usually at least one baby throwing a fit, one trying to escape, several running around, one trying to take the book the librarian is reading, and a few staring off into space. No more than half at any time are actually engaged in any way.   I don't see M's behavior as outside the realm of these kids.

LucyRicardo3

it would have been difficult for me to keep a straight face with those comments.

I'm not an expert, but your LO's behavior is spot-on with what I would have expected out of any of my kids at that age, in that environment.
Honestly, I would be more shocked if mine did not go for the items. Strong-willed kids are not bad kids. You are not a bad parent. That doc is not a good doc for that scenario. just my humble opinion.

:-B