Discovering their bodies?

TJ1979

That probably got your attention, huh?

So I'm not sure if it's just her age, and she's discovering her body, or if someone at the DC was saying something.  But during diaper changes, E will point to her lady bits and say "ewww, yucky."  I don't want her to think her lady bits are yucky.  They are totally normal.  But also private.

How do you address this?  Any BTDT advice?

mdiblasi10

Are you sure she isn't referring to the dirty diaper as "yucky"? Or mixing up what she is pointing at? I know I sometimes say "pew ew" when G has a poopy diaper and he copies what I say and waves his hand, to get the smell away. Just a thought  

I definitely think they are at the age where they discover all their body parts. G points to them all by name. I guess it's time to include the lady bits for E so she calls it something besides "eww, yucky"?!?! 

TJ1979

That's an excellent point @mdiblasi10.  I am sure someone has told her before that a poopy diaper is stinky, so she might have those areas confused or combined in her head.  But you are right, we do need to decide on a consistent name for it, and start using it. 
That seems so obvious when you say it, haha!

TJ1979

So what does everyone call it?

kmc84

We say lady bits it wasn't a conscious desicion, just something we started saying.

When I read your OP, I immediately thought she was copying what was said when she has a dirty diaper

Robeano

Oh gosh, I don't even want to start thinking about this yet....

mcgeeva

Ugh I haven't thought about this either.
I would think it was a dirty diaper comment as well.

Mayzie15

I have a little boy who's 7 months and he touches himself all the time diaper changes and in the bath time. I imagine this is just the beginning for us lol

BabyKsMommy

Ds is 2 1/2 and he loves playing with himself. But all boys this age do. Totally normal. We call it his penis and he will point to it and call it by name.

TJ1979

I know boys do it. I'm more concerned about the yucky than I am about the touching. And the dirty diaper thing is possible, but she is touching her lady bits when she says it.
I don't wan to ruin her self image or future sense of sexuality, but I also don't want to think about her future sexuality! Ack!

Mrs.AmyDylan

cinciem said:

We used to call that area her "parts". I was planning on saying "private parts," but then I read something that said you should teach your child the real names of their body parts, so if God forbid anyone should try to talk to them about them or touch them they can tell you what happened.

For example, if you say vagina and she comes home calling it lady bits then you know there's been a conversation about those parts with some one else. And if you ask her questions about her parts she can tell you what if anything has happened with them.

It also said to teach them that no one should touch their private area unless they are trying to keep them clean and healthy (bath, diaper, doctor etc).

I hate thinking about this stuff, but I guess it's just a necessary part of parenting.

I've heard the same thing, @cinciem. I actually bookmarked another post ages ago that had really good into. I will see if I can find it. 

Edit: my link is broken. One of the gals that commented was a social worker specializing in recognizing child abuse. She has really good advice, including calling the proper name for private parts. She said that predators tend to shy away from kids that call penis/vagina the proper names. 

Ruthie04

@Mrs.AmyDylan and @cinciem- you guys are right on. I was a social worker in foster care and went through the certification class to be a good touch/bad touch facilitator. I am 100% in favor of teaching the real names for the reasons you listed. Additionally, it can take some time for someone to recognize what is going on if a child refers to their genitals/breasts by a cutesy name. I've heard some very unusual ones! The individual hearing the disclosure should be able to understand what happened without asking questions for details that could skew an investigation. So, we say penis/scrotum or bottom. I don't think there is anything wrong with referring to those areas as private parts when discussing them as a group, as they should understand that they can only be touched or seen by the child or a doctor in an office (and only then with permission), but they need to know the real names.

In grad school, I had a prof who studied under Masters and Johnson. We studied the impact of sexual shaming in childhood (especially in females) and saw the cases of various sexual disorders (orgasm and pain disorders mostly). It was awful. I think it's awesome that you are committed to making sure she has a healthy attitude toward her body and sexual organs.

TJ1979

Thanks @Ruthie04.  I had heard that before, about using the correct anatomical names (probably from you!) but it just seems so weird to talk to my daughter about vaginas.  I never use that word.  But obviously I will do whatever is best for my baby.
So, can we call them boobies?  Or we really have to say breast?  Cause she knows her boobies!  (And mommy's boobies, haha.)

Ruthie04

Haha. I think boobies is okay. There's very little doubt about what someone means when they say that word!

Also, good touch/bad touch also discusses the "area your underwear covers" during bad touch discussions. I like that explanation because a perpetrator could touch a child in that area or ask a child to take underwear off, but not actually touch the vagina. They should understand that isn't okay too.

Mnerani

Just chiming in to say that we aren't dealing with this yet, but we do call DS's penis by it's real name, and will do the same thing with a girl if we are blessed with one.

My sister's 2 year old twins run around her house after bath time yelling "vagina" which is funny and normal, but you have to be prepared for that to also happen in public, when you teach them the real names

mdiblasi10

Lots of great information, ladies! Thank you for sharing your wisdom

Dragonfly1226

We call a penis a penis and a vagina a vagina. I've read articles that say that sexual abusers don't like to hear kids use the correct names for body parts and that using the correct terminology can help protect your children.

imoverit

Ive learned some good things from this post. Thanks ladies.

Ruthie04

If anyone is interested in reading more about this topic, The National Sexual Violence Resource Center has a very comprehensive online publication for parents. Be warned- it's a BEAST. But, there is a section on how to talk to your children about sexuality. The author has some pretty strong opinions about some terms and approaches (I'm not sure I 100% agree with the hate on the term "private parts"), but it does have some good tips. It's actually child abuse awareness month, so it's perfect timing. HTH!

mcgeeva

Awesome discussion guys! Totally changing how l address things with ds. I'm always worried about stuff like this.

TJ1979

Thanks everyone.  I thought this was a silly question when I posted it, but it really turned into a great conversation.  Thanks!

fullfhope

I learned so much from this discussion, thank you everyone for the wisdom.

jesselayne8

DD doesn't ever refer to her own parts but she loves to talk about brother's penis. "Brooder you have a penis, penis, penis, penis".every.single.diaper.change.

CarrieB.

Okay, so this is my question about talking to little girls about their private parts. You don't pee out of your vagina and it's not clearly visible, so isn't that a confusing term to use for a little kid? I feel like penis is way easier to explain.

TJ1979

That's a really good question @CarrieB.  I didn't understand any of that until I was older.  Possibly like junior high when we learned about it in school.  @Ruthie04 Any advice from the professional?