Advice needed for dealing with an in-law

GuppyGrowing

Hello! I'm thinking this will be the most supportive board to get the advice I seek. Thanks in advance.

My mother-in-law/grandmother-in-law (same person; I only have 1 in-law; she's 89) is driving me crazy! She never had any children of her own (4 miscarriages then step kids and adoption), but knows everything and questions my every move at the same time. I babywear, so according to her that's "spoiling". If he cries, "something must be wrong. That's just not normal". I exclusively breastfeed, but pump and tried introducing the bottle at 6 weeks (he's 13 weeks now), but he won't have anything to do with it (my husband and I joke that he's already decided to be "all organic"). She's insisting we will have to "make" him take the bottle, and "force it". Things like that.... I need some ideas of how to politely tell her to shove off. Please help!

TiffanyBerry

I'm in the "thank you for your input.  we're happy with how things are going right now, thanks." camp.  Also, talk about it less.  Don't bring it up yourself (hard, when it's currently your whole life), but also make very short, simple, almost vague answers when you get asked questions.

Emerald27

PPs gave great advice and options for how to confront her if you choose to do so.

I just wanted to add a comment about the bottle issue. There is never a REAL need to introduce a bottle. Bottles aren't the only alternative to the breast for feeding babies. Some can sip directly from a small cup. Babies can also be spoon-fed breastmilk (even frozen milk slushies), syringe-fed, and take a sippy cup...typically around 4 months.

Many babies refuse bottles, but there is no need to worry. If the boobs aren't available, there are many other easy ways to feed LO.

kateraid

Super annoying to hear all the time. I also get this from family members. One thing I would consider is her age and try not to make a big deal. Just ignore little comments and go about doing your thing. Eventually she will stop. If she's super pushy have DH say something quietly. Sorry I know those comments are like nails on a chalk board.

rae_dylanzmom

I used the baby books on my shelf in my conversations with my MIL. She thought I was nursing too much, needed to let my 2 week old cry more.... 

It actually worked out really well. I didn't feel defensive ("I know that is what people did, but this is how things have changed, based on what I've read").  We would each grab a book and sit on the couch and share bits of what we were reading with each other. "This lady is nuts!" "Hmm what do you think of this?"

An awkward start to her visit (without my DH, he had to travel for work and arranged for her to come help in his absence) turned into some of my favorite memories of hanging out with her.

skibunny59

Regal Mama said:

Sounds like my mother. Just thank her for the information and change the subject. Overtime she'll see how awesome your kid is and hopefully realize all is well.

This.  Honestly, it's really not worth it. 

WeLiveInMaine

Hoo boy! I may not have great advice for dealing with your MIL on this one but I can relate on the bottle issue. My LO (now 11) adamantly refused to ever take a bottle. Not all babies will. I actually had to quit my job. In retrospect, it was the best thing anyone could have done for me at the time because of the effect in had on our relationship and on my patenting skills and abilities.
Take the refusal as praise, nothing compared to how awesome you are as far as your LO is concerned.
As far as advice I think Regal Mama has it right.