How do you know ?

KKSBeans

If you are OAD or if you want moar babies ? DH would like another, but says he would be ok with just one. I am not against another, but have no real desire to do so. No feeling of an incomplete family or baby fever, but I do get a little sad to think I will never be pregnant or have a newborn again.

I am an only child and DH has a grand total of 7 full, half, and step siblings...so maybe that is part of it ? I know you guys can't tell me whether or not to have another, just wanted some other thoughts and experiences.

AKB090609

For me, I knew that I wanted another. If it wouldn't have happened we would have adjusted, but both DH and I want DD to have a sibling. I think that this is one of those things where you don't know for sure until you know. When DH talked about getting snipped and I got really upset I knew I wanted more.

BeebopandBuddy

We had always talked about 2.  I don't know why, that was always the perfect number for me.  DH has 4, he has two older daughters from his previous marriage, and he was ok with one, but I always said I needed two.  We agreed to do 2 close together.  It always felt right and, now that we have DS, he is just the perfect personality for our family.

It seems like it should just feel right for you both at some point, whichever way you decide to go.

Kissty

Have you been over to the OAD board? There is a compilation of everyone's reasons in one place.

Cheenomae

We always talked about two, but we can't say for sure where the # came from. It just sounded good to us. After we had DD we had no real desire to have another one, but we knew we wanted DD to have a sibling. We decided to have another for that reason alone, as both of us literally did not get that desire for a second at any time. Now that we have DS we couldn't imagine being OAD. Easy to say though now that he's here! Also, with two we both have a strong desire to be done so DH was snipped!

Hyaline

Well, fessing up--I've never badly wanted a child.  I LOVE my daughter.  DH and I knew (cognitively) that we wanted a family.  I never emotionally craved a child, if that makes sense.  I didn't "feel" want for a child.  I don't emotionally crave another one.  We're leaving the question open for now--I would be ok with being OAD.

Right now, to examine that question, I'm mostly thinking big-picture about what kind of life we want--right now, in a few years, and long-term--and what having another one or more children means for that.  What will we have to give up? Are we ok with giving those things up, or continuing to give them up?  Yeah, that may sound "selfish" but this is a selfish question, right?  No one plans kid #2 because they *don't* want another kid.  They want one.  They go for it. 

People make a big deal about "feeling" like you want another one or "feeling" done.  Not everyone is a feeler--not everyone processes their wants and their world through feelings as a primary guide.  I don't know that I have advice on how to know if you want another child, but don't feel badly if you don't "feel" your way through decisions.  It's ok.

miss50

I'm in your exact situation. Just winging it for now. If it happens it happens, it not I'm in love with my awesome kiddo now. I just have no idea what to do with all the shit I've accumulated.

tyrannasaurusjess

I had my first son was I was 17-- definitely not planned. I knew I wanted to have more children at some point in my life, and after I got married we knew we wanted kids but didn't know how many. We had Jasper in 2012 and still felt like we needed another baby-- I don't know if it was because we wanted to try for a girl or just needed another baby in general. Now that we are pregnant again, I don't feel like I NEED anymore children. I may *want* one down the road (but at this point I think we are through) but if this baby is our last, I'm okay with that as both H and I feel our family is complete as is. 

LyndseylovesHugh

I am struggling with this question but going from 2 to 3. We always knew we wanted at least two, but maybe 3 (and no more than that). I'm hoping once #2 has been here for a while we will just know, but at this point i often go back and forth in my head.

As for knowing we wanted a second, I've just always known that I wanted more than one. I am an only child so I think that played into it, I always wanted a sibling. My H is one of four and he loved having siblings but he feels like 4 is to many for him, and I agree, I can't imagine having four. So that is how we came to the 2 or 3 number.

MarisaKathleen

That's how I always felt too.  I would have been fine with just 1.  Not that I'm not happy there's going to be another, but I didn't feel that strong need/desire like I did before I got pregnant with Nancy.  I think if you knew you really DIDN'T want another one that would be a different story.

thebanich

I've always wanted 4 kids. Always and forever. I'm going to have to work really hard to get #3 to happen so I'm trying to let go of that. I really want another one though. I know in my heart (uterus?) that I am not done.

Kissty

I am in the I KNOW I don't want another.  So I went and got fixed myself.  I could write a book on why I am OAD.  The only advice I have is that it is ok to not know right now, and until you you do know don't do anything drastic or in my case permanent.  You and your DH will know when you know.

watercolor5

DH and I have always planned on 3.  For us, having multiple children was worth whatever lifestyle sacrifices we'd have to make.  We didn't plan on having DD2 so close to DD1, and I cried like crazy when I saw the double line on the pee stick.  That said, I feel like having a sister was an amazing gift to give my first child.  I love watching them interact, and can't wait until they develop a stronger relationship and interact more and more.  I also can't explain how much fun it is to see how different your children are from each other, while still having so many similarities to you and your DH.  I have many days where I question having a third, but I know I won't regret it when we do.

I think whatever you decide will ultimately be right for your family as long as you and your DH are on the same page. 

BillyMollyEmmy

I just know I'd like more. Preferably two more but at this point, one more would be lovely. 

willy_gert

I was firmly OAD because of how hard it was to get pregnant and then how difficult my pregnancy was on me emotionally and physically.  DH wanted another, and would love as many as I will give him.  I started coming around to the idea of maybe one more and then DH got sick.  We are OAD for the time being.  Once DH is better, and we know the full extent and effect his meds will have on his ability to have more children, we will make a decision about another.  

At this point, I cannot imagine having another.  I LOVE DD with all my heart and can't imagine loving another the same.  Plus, I know DH REALLY wants a boy and I feel like he would be somewhat disappointed if we had another girl.  And I don't want to put that on a child.  

But like I said, we are waiting to make any firm decisions until DH is better and we don't have an illness looming over our heads.

tyrannasaurusjess

cheeseandrice said:

jessk86 said:

I had my first son was I was 17-- definitely not planned. I knew I wanted to have more children at some point in my life, and after I got married we knew we wanted kids but didn't know how many.

I had no idea. Personal question- was he adopted to another family?

No. We had briefly considered that as an option, but it just wasn't the best choice for us. His dad and I share custody of him, but he lives with him during the school year (we live about 3 hours apart). I don't talk about him much because he asked me once to not put a lot of pictures of him on Facebook or talk about him 'in my emails' because it embarrassed him. He was only like 6 at the time, so it made me laugh a little, but I still try to keep my promise haha. 

KKSBeans

Sorry for the p&r yesterday and thank you for all of your responses. I guess we'll see. ..i mean either way it will have to wait until we are in a bigger house, but it's nice to get some perspective from you gals.

Pokedot

For us we always knew we wanted 2 kids. We played around with the idea of a 3rd but we've decided after #2 we're done. I had my doubts about a second shortly after having DS. How could I love anyother person so much without taking away from him? It was a very hard decision but in the end we knew we wanted DS to have a sibling. We never really wanted an only child. It wasn't for us and our family.

We'll be trying for #2 this December. Viva la Mexico!

juliane2004

I think if you're still questioning it, you're not done yet.

Hyaline

origamipoppy said:

juliane2004 said:

I think if you're still questioning it, you're not done yet.

I disagree. I question all the time but my questioning leads me to believe I shouldn't have another until I'm sure.

Like cheese said, you can decide later that you're not done and have more kids, you can't go back on the decision once they're here though.

Exactly what poppy said.  

I question all kinds of things, all the time. That doesn't mean I will, can, or truly even want to do all of them.

KKSBeans

I think I would be fine and not regret another if it were to happen. At the same time, I'm in the same camp as some of you (K's awesome, don't think I would love another as much) which I know I would. Another factor for me is age...even though I know it shouldn't be. I am 30 and DH is 33, so I feel a clock ticking to make a decision...it is not a patient clock lol

tyrannasaurusjess

cheeseandrice said:

wow jess. I had no idea. That has to be so hard.  I give you a ton of credit for making it work (whatever the decision.)

Thanks! We were fortunate enough to have extremely supportive families. Also, in true Father of the Bride fashion, my mom had just had my youngest brother not too long prior (my brother and son are 20 months apart), so I was used to babies up in the middle of the night, feeding and changing and all that fun stuff, and they grew up alongside each other which was/is wonderful!