Trying to keep myself busy

gracie5107

**Siggy warning and living child mentioned

This is my first day home by myself with my son.  I made it until 8:45 am without crying, but then I decided to look at FB and realized an old co-worker of mine had a baby girl the same day I lost mine.  How do things like this smack you in the face when you last need to see/hear them?  I promptly decided to unfollow any of my friends that I could think of that were either pregnant or recently had a baby.  Hopefully this will help me in the future. 

I also had to email our photographer and cancel newborn photos.  This whole process is excruciating.     

But on the positive, DH just bought us Bruce Springstein tickets.  We're hoping a night out on our own might help a little.  Now to find a sitter.....  To make it through the rest of the day I hope to take DS on a walk and try and keep up with the house a bit. 

What's going on with your day?  The positives and the negatives?

Jellybean71514

My day has been quiet. I'm home alone, I don't have any living children and my DF is at work - I've tackled the hiding FB feeds and unsubscribing to certain pg related emails last week so what I've realized now being 3 weeks out is that if I don't set my alarm and have a 'to do' list for the day (even if that consists of a trip to the store and to get gas) I will sit in the couch or in bed watching Lifetime movies all day and having several intervals of crying when my mind drifts off. I've been trying to get out with my DF when he is home but now feel a need to try it alone so that is my goal for tomorrow - making my list as we speak- never thought going to buy toothpaste would be so significant to me! ..... my sense of humor with a shot of sarcasm is awful right now, I know and apologize if it offended anyone .... I'm actually thinking of signing up for some craft classes at our local Michael's store, maybe attempt some Easter crafts this year. xo

kflynn81

I unfollowed 90% of my Facebook friends then realized it was stupid to even be on it, so I made a new page for my coupons and deals

dadalou

@gracie5107 The process is terrible. I would never wish what we are going through on anyone. Reminders come at the strangest times from places you would never expect them. I found myself thinking about all the things that I can do with DD now that I didn't think I would be able to. We signed her up for skating lessons and got a pool pass for the summer. The other day we went to the zoo with some friends. None of those things would have been a terribly good idea with an infant.

We went to the park today. There was another family there with a little girl and a baby. DD loves babies so she went up to the grandma that was holding her and looked at the baby. She will randomly tell people about baby brother and how he didn't come home to our house. The whole time we were there I was thinking please don't say something about baby brother. I really didn't want to feel the need to explain about my dead baby to a random stranger, but also wouldn't have been able to say nothing. Luckily she didn't say anything.

lexusolsen

Today dh and I start counseling. We are actually in the waiting room right now.

It's been difficult. I keep debating keeping dd home from preschool but I know she needs her routine and after a c-section two weeks ago I'm not up to outings just yet. We have nothing else planned for today.

milb11

Hugs to you. Bruce Springstein sounds really fun. I just reactivated my FB account yesterday. I couldn't deal with all the babies. 

gracie5107

@jellybean71514 I completely understand where you are at.  To-do lists are my best friend right now, and I have even put something as simple as getting dressed on the list just to help me feel like I have accomplished something. 

@dadalou I try to think of the same good things I can now do with DS that wouldn't have happened with a baby.  Not that I wouldn't choose to have my baby with us in an instant, but focusing on what is good in our life currently helps.  I'm glad that DS and I will get to spend more time at the pool this summer, we can do more crafts together, and now we will be going on a beach vacation.  Keep focused on the positive! 

@lexusolsen How did your counseling session go?  We are going to our first support group on Thursday.  I'm nervous! 

So far I have kept DS home from his sitter this week, but I know I need to get him back into his typical routine.  Hugs during your recovery from your C-section. 

ikrystal

@kflynn81

Finally, someone I know that isn't using FB like me!  Maybe this is the start of a bandwagon (probably not). 

lexusolsen

@gracie5107‌ it was more of an info gathering session. Why are you here? Let's figure out what kind of treatment you need. All stuff they could have asked over the phone. The really frustrating part? The social worker booked the appointment for just me so dh has to go back and do it again by himself to get his own sessions started. Boo.

She did give me some handouts with basic coping skills. One idea was to use a time sheet of sorts and schedule activities for yourself. Another was to schedule grieving time to help balance your life. A third was grounding yourself through meditation or other tricks to focus yourself. So I guess it wasn't a total loss.

Let me know how your support group goes. The first one in our area isn't until later this month.

I think I am going to reach out to some friends that we normally see over breaks (I'm a teacher) and try to have play dates with them and dd once a week while I'm out. Selfishly, I want to hang out with these ladies and I need something to do.

I hope you are able to keep busy today.