Hello! New Here (Pretty Long Intro and Warning Abortion Mentioned-Not Mine)

zantster

Happy Sunday Everyone,

I have lurked here for a bit to get a feel for the board culture, protocols, etiquette etc.  Plus, I needed time to gain the courage to share my story.  I realized that in order for me to get the support that I need as well as to give support when I felt I could, I would have to take the plunge, open up and be vulnerable.  I started over at The Knot almost two years ago and had an amazing time planning the wedding with my DH and bonding with the September 2013 brides who I still connect with on facebook.  Then all of a sudden the wedding was over, honeymoon was over, real life began and I was hit with all of these realizations that I never thought I would have to contend with.

I grew up with a mom who was a registered nurse and vegetarian and who was very open with talking about the human body and reproduction.  I knew most of the basics but not the details of conception.  The main message was don't have unprotected sex or pregnancy is guaranteed to happen immediately after just one time.  I was even told that in rare circumstances, pregnancy can happen if you have sex when AF came to visit or even with pre-ejaculation.  Being an AA woman who accompanied my best friend to the abortion clinic twice when we were in high school because she asked me to, I was determined to never become a statistic.  She ended up happily married at 21 and still is.  But it took me longer to meet "the one" so I went to college and grad school, traveled the world and lived abroad, had a 2 year marriage with thankfully no kids because I realized I could not see him as father to my children, then left him at 33 and ended up remarrying a wonderful friend last year at 35 who never married and had no kids either.

As time passed by I knew I could be like some other friends who had children as single moms.  But again, I didn't want to join the 70% of AA moms who were single.  I knew that a lot of them successfully co-parented outside marriage and never judged them for their choices or unplanned children.  But I knew my mom had a lot of challenges after the divorce as a single mom.  So, my personal preference was nothing less than a Norman Rockwell marriage and did not want children outside of the playground song order of "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage."  I'd grown up as the product of divorced parents and always felt like though my mom was amazing before she passed from a brain tumor when I was 16, that I would have loved to have grown up in a healthy, happy, nuclear family unit like some of my friends had.

So, being in my thirties and without a child did not bother me until I found myself wanting to have a child out of the love and connection I feel with DH.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that I wanted to be a mother to his children alone.  He really wants children too but has been super supportive and never pressured me or acted like our marriage needs children to be a happy and fulfilled one.  I love him so much. Either way we will be a happily married couple and family whether it's the two of us or hopefully more.

But as much as he loves me, he doesn't get how much I need the kind of support I know I can get on this board.  I see how you ladies are there for each other lifting each other up and I want to be a part of that.  We've been TTC since January because after the wedding my cycle went nuts for a few weeks and then holidays and travel got in the way.  I use FF but have not done much with opks.  I've had an IUS and everything looks pretty good except for a few fibroids that are not uterine based.  DH is going to have an SA.  I'm still overcoming the shock that this stuff actually takes time!  AF came this morning... so on to April and cycle 4 of month 4.

If there's anything else I need to do beyond this intro let me know.  I read the welcome sticky post but welcome other suggestions too.  Thanks again and I look forward to getting to know you all.

Me: 35 DH: 41

Married September 2013

TTC #1 since January 2014

MelissaMiso

Welcome and good luck

C_Girlie

Hi, good luck with ur TTC journey. Hoping ur stay is short & sweet

Lady2010

Welcome! I think you will find a lot of great advice and support on this board. It sounds like you are doing the right things to start. Typically at 35 and over, you will get sent to a RE (reproductive specialist) after 6 mos of trying (12 mos under 35). The key is pinpointing when you ovulate in order to maximize your chances for conception. Charting, temping and using OPKs all definitely help. Good luck!!!

zantster

Thanks everyone!  I feel better already after feeling sort of alone in the wilderness with my emotions.  I think I can finally exhale.  DH is fantastic but he is not someone who can discuss the details of this stuff on a prolonged or regular basis.  In fact, I don't think a lot of men can or want to.  By the way, I've looked for something that explains when people use references like O-2 or O-3.  I know that "O" stands for ovulation.  But what do the numbers after the O mean please?

[Deleted User]

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PrivateOne

Welcome! Your intro was just fine and sounds like you are doing everything right.  Wishing you all the best on your journey. You'll prolly want to start using OPKs as that will help you to pinpoint your ovulation and will help you learn about your cycle. 

Also, I would think O-2 or O-3 are probably supposed to mean the days past ovulation. Most folks say dpo, though.

zantster

Oh!  Thanks so much Private One for the explanation.  That makes sense.  I bought a low-cost drug store brand OPK kit and plan to begin using it as soon as it's time.  I don't need one of those expensive OPK brand name tests do I?  It feels awesome to be learning all these things without feeling awkward or stupid.

URMySunshine77

zantster said:

Oh!  Thanks so much Private One for the explanation.  That makes sense.  I bought a low-cost drug store brand OPK kit and plan to begin using it as soon as it's time.  I don't need one of those expensive OPK brand name tests do I?  It feels awesome to be learning all these things without feeling awkward or stupid.

Welcome, @zantster. I wish you luck in TTC.

I have heard that a lot of women purchase Wondfos strip OPKs at Amazon. I need to get my act together and order some. I recently read that we should use a strip in the late morning and a strip in the late evening to get the best reading in the days leading up to ovulation.

Samuelismomma

Welcome! Good luck!

latershrader

Welcome! Thanks for sharing your story. While I am not currently BBT-ing (basel body temp) it really is a useful tool to tell you when/if you are ovulating. Best of luck!

zantster

I started using a CVS BBT thermometer this morning with my FF app and I'm going to spring for those wondfos too from amazon. I heard some people swear by other thermometers but so far it's been ok.  They're all accurate right?  Thanks ladies!

bumpuser10258960

Welcome. It sounds like you've been given some great advice so far and yes, the ladies here are very supportive. Best of luck on your journey!

northernkhaleesi

Welcome! I'm new(ish) here too, and have found lots of welcoming and supportive people.

Good luck with everything!

Radiantly

Welcome! I'm in the same place as you.

zantster

Your warm words of welcome mean more than you know.  Thanks so much.

CML11

Welcome! I grew up scared straight with the same mentality of never having unprotected sex because you WILL get pregnant. Never knew how much work this actually is! Lol Even when the stars perfectly align it still doesn't happen! Definitely was a shock to figure out I have to chart, temp and test multiple things. And to think all the money I could have saved on birth control over the past 16 years! (Just kidding of course Lol)

Davie813

Welcome!  Agree with you and @CML11 about being "scared straight."  When I was in college, I had a full-on freak-out and wasted a bunch of pregnancy tests every time my period was "late" (and by "late," I'm talking hours, not days--I took the pill religiously.)  Now, I'm amazed that anyone, of any age, actually manages to get pregnant ever.  The irony.

pinksandbermuda

I'm new around here too! Good luck!
I just started temping too its kind of fun. I bought the generic opks as well I don't think it matters. The wonfos are a much better deal though. I'll probably order them as well for next month.

gscoville

PrivateOne said:

Also, I would think O-2 or O-3 are probably supposed to mean the days past ovulation. Most folks say dpo, though.

Sorry to correct you here @PrivateOne , but O- is used to refer to the days you have sex BEFORE ovulation - so if you're charting and end up pinpointing your ovulation date, you can go back and see when you had sex in relation to that ovulation.  O-2 means sex two days before ovulation, O-3 means sex three days before ovulation, just O means on the day of ovulation, etc.

OP, if you want a glossary of acronyms used in TTC there are a few places you can go.  The TTGP (Trying to Get Pregnant) board has a link to acronyms in their newbie blog, you can find it at the top of that page.  Also, many things TTC related are referenced in the free tutorials at Fertility Friend, they're fantastic for overall reproductive/cycle information as well as how to chart.  At our age, we don't have time to waste, so I strongly recommend picking up a BBT thermometer as well as some cheapie OPKs from Amazon (many of us use Wondfos) and using Fertility Friend and morning temping to chart your cycles, it will help you pinpoint your ovulation accurately so you can be sure to be having sex exactly when you need to be.

mindaa

zantster said:

Thanks everyone!  I feel better already after feeling sort of alone in the wilderness with my emotions.  I think I can finally exhale.  DH is fantastic but he is not someone who can discuss the details of this stuff on a prolonged or regular basis. 

Yes, totally normal. My DH is totally supportive and a great listener, but definitely doesn't replace the experience of having my feelings validated by others who are going through the same thing. These communities have totally helped me verbalize to him what I'm experiencing. Even so, I don't really know if DH "get's it" either, but that's OK  

zantster

Ohhhh! Thanks gscoville for the explanation.  I have an FF membership so I will get right on checking out those tutorials tonight.  I began using my BBT this morning and plan to use my drug store opk and then switch to wondfos next month (if necessary).  If I'm being honest, part of me was resisting getting educated on some of these things because I kind of felt like a little kid was inside of me screaming I DON'T WANT TO!! I just wanted it to happen like in the movies and on television.  Having to face the fact that I was going to have to be an active participant in making sure I understood as much about my body as possible was a little like having to give up the fairy tale you know?  And God knows I grew up loving fairy tales. 

BeckyP005

Welcome to the board and wishing you all the best!!

zantster

OMG "CML11" and "Davie813" now that I am going through all of this with you wonderful ladies on this board it makes me laugh to think how panicked out of my mind I was when an ex of mine failed to stop in time.  I was running around looking for a morning after solution waaay before it was available over the counter.  I was in Canada at the time and thought they might have it.  But they didn't.  Thankfully, I had nothing to worry about.  But I was puzzled because I thought for sure a baby was a foregone conclusion.  Ha!  And that was easily over 10 years ago in a much more supposedly super fertile period of my life.  I didn't realize that things had to happen in a perfect time and manner for pregnancy to occur.  Then as I started realizing that this was going to take time I started feeling sad and frustrated to have such little control over things.  But today I said to myself that I would not have done anything differently leading up to getting married so it is what it is.  I will continue my journey with you all and try my best to not worry anymore about what I cannot control. 

zantster

Hey gscoville and others, how do you refer back to other posters like PrivateOne using the @? I want to be able to do that too so people know when I mention them in a post.  Thanks for your help.

PrivateOne

gscoville - thanks, I did not know that

kindershlitz

Good luck to you. I use wondfos from Amazon and FF. They do correlate for me so a few months under the belt have helped me see patterns. I also started using the opks midAM and midPM to check the surge. You can use the @ with a screen name and they get notified they were mentioned/referenced

zantster

I just ordered my Wondfos from Amazon and I've got Prime membership so they'll be here in 2 days.  I'm so excited.  I still have at least 2-3 more days with AF so that works out perfectly.  @kindershlitz do you check at the same midAM and midPM times every day or do you not have to be as precise as with BBT timing?

kindershlitz

zantster said:

I just ordered my Wondfos from Amazon and I've got Prime membership so they'll be here in 2 days.  I'm so excited.  I still have at least 2-3 more days with AF so that works out perfectly.  @kindershlitz do you check at the same midAM and midPM times every day or do you not have to be as precise as with BBT timing?

I try to be in the same hour time frame (9-10ish and 5-6ish). For some people I've read they check at work on their lunch because the timing is consistent.  I am bad at temping, mostly because I sleep erratically, but the temperature shifts are there and I often have almost two days of positive opks.