Why do these teachers not "get" it. SPD related vent. Advice welcome

mommytoconnor

My DS 3.5 has SPD and possibly ADHD. He has been in this daycare for over a year now, also attends preschool in am.

I have always been very open and spent alot of time educating his daycare teachers about SPD and brought many things in for him and all the kids to do each day that are sensory based. I explained to them over and over again that they need to do sensory stuff each day to avoid outbursts. So they continue NOT to do any of the sensory stuff we have provided to them.

I pick him up yesterday and one of the teachers told me he was in time out in office. I asked why, she said the other teacher put him there, so I asked her, she said he didn't want to get off computer and then when she removed him she said he threw himself on floor and kicked and screamed and in the midst of this the teacher got kicked in the leg. I appologized to her for his behavior and she said "I don't let any kid act like that" my reply, "you don't need to get defensive with me, I am asking what happened that's it."

This teacher is always finding fault and very defensive about everything. She is not his main teacher and his main teacher is much more willing to do things. I said and what sort of sensory things have you guys been doing lately, that's right nothing, you refuse to do it, so even though I am not condoning him having a tantrum and I agree with you sending him to the office for timeout, if you don't do anything to prevent it then I don't really want you to be complaining about it. I have spoken to the directors and they agree that they should be doing these things and they agree that they way the teacher is speaking to me is not ok and yet it continues to happen.

I am so over explaining this to them over and over and over and them still harping on it. He goes for weeks and weeks without any issue and has one bad day and it's like the world has ended.

I am always open to them and yet I am sick of them not following thru. Anyone have any words of wisdom to get this thru to them. Specifically this one teacher. I appreciate any advice. TIA.

mommytoconnor

I wanted to say all of this. I did tell her that she did not need to get defensive that I was simply asking what happened, like any other parent. This teacher has a huge chip on her shoulder and no matter how much I provide them, simple things every child could benefit from, she still continues to not do them and anyone with a sensory kid knows you do things to help prevent issues through their day. I have educated and all that with them and still they don't do anything. I have searched and interviewed all my other options last year and this was the best place. They had experience and have other sensory kids there too. But since this one teacher got there she always has something negative to say and yet on his daily report sheet that was sent home it said excellent behavior. WTH? I don't get it, so he had excellent behavior and yet you sent him to the office for timeout. Which is it. I have told them not to allow him to get away with things, he needs the structure and so I agree with the timeout and removing him from the class. I never once questioned that, just that perhaps if they were doing what I was told they would be doing this may not have been such an episode. The things I have provided them with are simple things that each and every kid could do during the day and nothing would make them go out of the way to accomodate him, I have never asked this, it's not realistic in a class with 14 students for them to do "specialized" things and I understand that. I just needed to vent and get this out. I will say that this teacher just last week commented on how great he has been doing for several months now and then one day and she gets nasty. I know it was probably stressful for her but her attitude about it and the way she approached me when all I did was ask what happened was totally inappropriate and that's when I told her she didn't need to get defensive about anything. Uggg I am so tired of people and their "holier than though" attitude, ya know, life isn't perfect and no child in that room is an angel everyday. I have seen some pretty major fits from other kids too, not just mine. I am just really irritated and needed to vent in a safe forum. I just sometimes want to say "walk a mile in my shoes" to those who just don't get it or maybe they just don't care. Thanks spooko for your response.

mommytoconnor

Auntie, I know I just kind of rambled but it just flowed out of me and I forget to edit a bit. First, when I interviewed the center and I interviewed alot and they have this special program for kids with different needs, which is great. They have to meet certain criteria with a third party observer to have this program who goes in once a week to observe. Well of course when she is there they bring out all the sensory stuff and put on a good show. As a matter of fact I had contacted her at the direction of the director to have her observe my son specifically for a few times.  She said she sees how this teacher puts on a show but she said that this one specific teacher isn't meeting his emotional needs. This speaks volumes to me, but again this teacher shortly after this was moved to higher room. Since she started, she acted like wonderwoman coming to "fix" all the problems. When I say educate, I took in information regarding SPD and different ideas for activites that all kids could do and would end up helping him daily. They were open to this. I took in specific things, spending my own money for them to use with ALL the kiddos.

This teacher moved from his room to the next and his main teacher says he has some great days most days and when he is off, she will tell me what happened. She is very appropriate. I always approach them like tell me what happened. I always make him apologize, but she didn't even give me the chance this day.

I simply said, "So Ms. M told me he went to office for timeout, can you tell me what happened?" she instantly got defensive and I, quite honestly was taken back a bit, because I don't have a problem with them sending him to timeout, I am the one that told them to do this in the first place, but as a parent I deserve and need to know what triggered this. She instantly said "I don't allow any kid to kick me?" I asked "did he kick you intentionally or was it in the middle of a tantrum?" she replied, "Oh it was intentional" I apologized and she said so that's when he was taken to office for timeout.I said "you don't need to get defensive I was simply asking what happened, I would have sent him to timeout too." she then stormed off with a big attitude and gruffing under her breath.

My issue is that I have given them as much info, education, whatever you want to call it and they continue to not do it, so there really isn't anything else that I can do.  I told them I am being totally open about his SPD and could have just not said anything and you would just think he is a brat. I choose to be honest and give you the tools to make it easier for you throughout the day. If you choose not to do these very simple things, then to me that says you don't care about making your day easier(of course I didn't say this but it's what I think).

My situation is that I am a single mom who adopted my son from foster care, he was drug exposed at birth and so due to all these factors, I have fought hard to get him therapies,he is on an IEP, in early preschool, I have done everything humanly possible to make his issues not affect everyone else around him to the best of my abilities. I don't have the financial capabilites to hire a private nanny and he thrives with his peers. He needs that.

Lastly, every child has had a tantrum and my son's are typically very short and he has never hit or kicked anyone, so this was definately a first for him kicking, which I hate. However, that being said I do feel like his lady is just always picking on him, when I pick him up she always has something bad to say about him instead of anything good. Now mind you he is not even in her class but she feels it ok to comment on him, when I ask his main teacher, if he has had a bad day she will say what happened but will also say oh but did really good sharing or whatever.

I know this is long, but my frustration level is at a high. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

hopanka

Im really sorry. I think I would be looking for a new preschool, it may be that the teacher really holds a grudge against your boy.

mommytoconnor

Auntie,I spoke to director after this incident again. She said that this teacher is on probation for bad attitude with other parents, so at least it's not just me, for some reason that makes me feel a bit better and you are right I think she has it out for my son and is always searching for something to complain about. The fact is he is a toddler and toddlers all so some of these things, including the "typically developing" ones. I appreciate you letting me vent and giving some constructive advice to a struggling mama.

mommytoconnor

DC-Thanks for the support. You are right it needs to be on the DSM and that way it is more recognized. The fact is that I am 100% advocating for my son and all kids need sensory play. I provided all of the sensory stuff and spent my own money, never expecting them to purchase things. I took it upon myself to provide them educational stuff for them to understand SPD too. The fact is there are several SPD kiddos there and their parents didn't provide them with squat. I feel I have gone above and beyond what a lot of people would do, but it's to benefit not only my son, but them as well. So I appreciate the supportive words and encouragement. I will never stop advocating for my son.