Arguments over legal guardians for my son in our Will...

urban84

Not sure where to ask this question, but I have a 3 year old and my husband and I are putting our Will together ( I know should have done it earlier) but there is an argument over who will get my son if me and my husband die at the same time. We were first going to go with my sister but some events have occured with her husband who I no longer trust and would not trust someone like that with my child. I am so torn and upset because I love my sister and I know that she would take care of my son and love him and treat him well but like I said I can not trust her husband. We live about 3 hours away from family and have decided that a friend of the family (husband and wife) would make a great choice but they live about 13 hours from any family. I don't want to hurt my sister and my Mom by sending him somewhere where they won't see him much but I want to make sure my son will be taken care and not have to worry. Sorry if this was confusing. I am really upset about the whole situation and would like any advice? Maybe someone else had a similar situation?

Cherryblossoms07

I wouldn't tell your sister anything at this point. I would make your will and have a letter to your sister filed with your will explaining why you made your decision. Who knows, circumstances may change and you can always revise your will if so. There is no reason to start family drama right now.

I am in kind of the same situation. I love my brother to pieces and my kids love him too, but he is in a bad relationship. I just don't want my kids in that turmoil. Thankfully, I felt comfortable enough to talk it over with my mom and she agrees with my decision so I feel better about it all. It was hard to accept, but we all need to do what is best for our kids. Good luck!

Spin313

It's so hard! Most likely you'll pass away when your children are grown and it's a non-issue.

We also had to go through this. I always thought my sister would be the person that we named, but she and her husband have had some issues (personal and financial) and we don't always agree with some parenting/family things. So we named my mom. We may have to revise our will in 5-10 years depending on her health.

urban84

Thanks Ladies! We don't plan on going anywhere, lol. My husband and I agreed not to tell her or any family for that matter. Its just hard to deal with that you can't leave your child with family members if something does happen. We agreed that my husbands parents (who were one of our choices but they are older) and my Mom would get him during the summer.

Cherryblossoms07

urban84 said:

Thanks Ladies! We don't going anywhere, lol. My husband and I agreed not to tell her or any family for that matter. Its just hard to deal with that you can't leave your child with family members if something does happen. We agreed that my husbands parents (who were one of our choices but they are older) and my Mom would get him during the summer.

That is what DH and I decided to do too (splitting custody between grandparents). We figured that we could reevaluate in a few years.

sschwege

I know it is hard.  We agreed that DH's brother and wife would get our kids.  They aren't the perfect choice in my mind because they have 3 kids and we have 2 and plan to have one more.  That would make 6 for them if we should pass away, seems like a lot.  Plus my family lives far away from them, and our poor children would have to move 2 states away.  I guess you would be hard pressed to find someone who has a perfect arrangement set up.  We do have it in writing what visitation would look like for my family.  So they would get every summer and alternating Christmas and Spring Break.