I just need some reassurance...please?

HoneyBBurns

Hi all. I just need some reassurance. A little background: I just turned 35 on Saturday, positive test on Tuesday evening. This is my 5th pregnancy, 3 live births. My husband and I discussed whether we wanted a 4th so my IUD came out end of Feb. I charted last month to avoid pregnancy until we were sure (the IUD was giving me trouble anyway). Low and behold, pregnant on my first cycle. I was thrilled! You should have seen my face! And then the worry set in...With my loss, which was my 2nd pregnancy, we never saw a heartbeat. It was assumed it was because it was so early. I'm worried about there being no heartbeat, about there being a disability (I have 1 on the Autism spectrum and another suspected already), about losing the baby, about having 4 kids...FOUR KIDS! I should add that my 3...all boys. Love them to death, love boys, even said all boys would be better at this point but 4?! My youngest I was 33 when I delivered and we had to go through a whole slew of testing because everything that could happen seemed to. My husband doesn't seem to understand my worry, he says he does but I can see he isn't AS worried. He's 27. He doesn't get my worry about my age. Or how hard my last pregnancy was on me. Sorry so long but someone please tell me that everything will be ok, even though I know that nothing can guarantee that...

Ylvelill

Try to take it easy, stress isn't gonna help anything

I took it one appointment, one step at a time. You will have your first u/s soon in a few weeks and then you will know for sure!

3 boys with possibly 2 on the spectrum does seem like a big challenge but your husband seems to have faith in your ability to handle it.

DTNZ4Ever

With my 1st pregnancy I was totally a worrier. Second time around I had the mind frame if why worry about things I have no control over. If I started to worry I would think does worring make it better, will it change anything, etc. it really helped me enjoy my pregnancy so much more.

QOTR

First of all - Happy birthday & Congratulations!  

It's so hard not to worry in the early stages, especially when you've suffered a loss.   But try not to worry about your age.  You're still very young compared to many of us on this board!   I think the previous advice about taking things an appointment at a time is a good approach.   I feel like I've worried away this pregnancy and I wish I could change that, but it was hard.  Just this week (@ 32 weeks), I feel like I'm letting go of the nagging fear that something is going to go wrong.  Don't wait as long as I did! 

ProcessofBecoming

OP, big hugs. I completely understand where you are coming from. I worried through my entire first pregnancy, I've worried through the first two years of my child's life with his delays, and now am worrying about this new pregnancy, whether or not I will have pre-e again, and whether this baby will have special needs and what that will mean for my family. It's a whole lot of worrying. Rationally, I know that worrying will change NOTHING about what does or doesn't happen in the future, and robs me of the joy of today. And yet, I still struggle with all of the unknowns.

I'm trying the "give my angst to God" approach, because I really don't know what else to do at this point, and I know that this much stress is not good for my baby. I also try to think of 10 things a day that I am grateful for. It sounds silly, but it does help balance me out and pull me out of the "worry rut." At 42, I'm old enough to know that life is going to be what it is going to be and I need to roll with it, but some days "rolling with it" is harder than others.

Right now, you have a lot on your plate, but you must be a very strong lady to mother three young boys, along with the challenges of ASD. I have a lot of respect for you, and truly believe you're going to be just fine. Congratulations on your new pregnancy! Hopefully we can both find a way to enjoy these days and expanding our families!!! 

2redtulips

I am also on the Pregnant After a Loss (pgal) board, and someone over there gave me some great advice the other day. It boiled down to: Yes, there are a lot of scary/sad stories that happen to people, and it's easy to apply those stories to yourself -- but there are also a lot of GOOD stories, an you have to learn to apply those to yourself as well. 

For everything that could go wrong, there are 50 things that could go right. Especially as you reach more milestones in your pregnancy, it gets a little easier to start to focus on the good news you have received to that point. 

Oh, and turning 35 doesn't magically make things more high risk. The media has done an excellent job of scaring those of us in the AMA category, but when you look at the stats, the risks are still really low. 

HUGS. Pgal brain can be really hard. Take it one day at a time. 

HoneyBBurns

Thanks everyone. They considered me high risk with my youngest already. Something to do with high hormone levels and my age. Some time, very early (which turned out to be a good thing) the placenta had started to detach. I had a lot of cramping, we had to see a specialist because they thought he might have Down Syndrome (we declined the ammnio for fear of m/c), and then after he was born he was severely jaundiced and then to top it off he had to have an u/s because our pedi thought he might have spina bifida. How many near misses can one little person have? I told my husband that with all the "almosts" that maybe that was a sign. I've probably just worked myself up! Crazy how you can worry soo much about a baby you weren't even sure you wanted. And I know it shows because the nurse I talked to said I still had the "Deer caught in the headlights" look.

NunyaBennis

Deep breaths. I unfortunately can't promise you that everything will be perfectly fine but I sure hope that it is (and chances are it will be)! It is crazy how much you immediately care for & worry about someone that you've never met... And how all of that worry won't change a thing. I know it's easier said than done, but just try to relax and enjoy taking this journey day by day. I thank our growing baby every night for hanging in there with us for another day & let h/h know how much I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Keep sharing strength and hope with your family & let the worry and anxiety fall away. Hang in there mama!