I hate bedtime

angelsnight

I'm sitting here falling asleep as I type this, but I hate going to bed.  LO is just over a week old, and she has been sleeping in her crib in her room since the day we got home from the hospital.  She does well, it's me that it's hard on.  I don't mind getting up in the middle of the night to feed her, in fact I count the hours until it's time to feed, or get up for the day.  I fall asleep easily because I'm so tired, but I sleep so crappy....like I am always sleeping with one eye open, or that fitful sleep you get when you worry about oversleeping the next day. 

During the day she's either in my arms, or in the boppy and I can always check on her, but I get so much anxiety at night.  Her room is just down the hall, I can hear her crying even without the monitor.  I don't even think having her in our room would help my anxiety, because then instead of waking up several times to stare at her on the monitor, I'd wake up to stare at her.  I just hate nighttime with a passion and I am so terrified of something happening during the night.  That's the only thing I miss about pre-baby life is being able to go to sleep and sleep soundly without worry.  For those that had this anxiety, does it get better?

Laurakat81

I was like this at first too. I would wake up convinced she wasn't breathing. And she even had her Snuza alarm on. But I was often worried I'd forgotten to turn it on or that it was defective. Over time I began to relax. There's so much anxiety with a new baby. Give yourself some time. It will get better!

chloebeth930

What you are feeling is completely normal! 

Have you thought aboiut getting a snuza or an Angel Carer monitor.  There is no way I would have been able to sleep at all without my Angel Carer.  Maybe you should try to have LO sleep in the same room as you.  You never know, maybe you will just feel more at ease with them being closer and be able to get that sleep you need?

 

angelsnight

Thanks ladies, where do you buys these alarms?  BRU?  What exactly do they do?  I heard something about them having frequent false alarms, so I hadn't bothered looking into them further.

We plan to get a pack n play in the near future so maybe we'll just buy it sooner and set it up in our room.  I was really adament about her sleeping in her own room....I guess to not start any habits we need to break later, and also maybe partly to prove to myself I can handle her being in the other room.  But maybe the PNP would be a good back up for the nights I am feeling extra anxious.  Regardless, glad to know I am not alone in these fears.  They kind of make me feel crazy.

KikiCohen

Huge hugs momma! Target and BRU sell the angelcare monitors. I have heard about false alarms, but it would provide piece of mind. You definitely aren't alone. I get a lot of anxiety at night too.

pinksandbermuda

I'm sorry you are not getting much sleep. It is really hard.
I had my dd next to my bed, I had to hear, see, and feel her at any time. She was a preemie and just looked so tiny and frail.
Its the only way I got any sleep at all. I would just lie there half asleep and listen to her breathe, then I could relax a little. If I didn't really hear anything, I could easily put my hand on her. You are not alone at all in your fears!
Its just a hard time but soon enough she will be bigger and stronger and you will feel a lot less anxiety.
Hope you get a good night's sleep soon.

kbhaynes

I'm sorry you're not getting any good sleep. I was the same way when we brought DD home. We had her in the pack n play right outside of our room at night. She never slept in our room or bed, and didn't go into her crib until she was 4 months old. I would always find myself getting up to check on her several times a night because we obviously didn't use a monitor since she was right outside our door (and she started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, so i didn't have to wake up to BF until about 6am). I was so paranoid about SIDS, like, ridiculously paranoid. It's all part of being a mommy I guess.

I have no advice, but I hope you're able to get the sleep you need very soon! ((hugs))

daisy19782011

I am so sorry you are scared and I TOTALLY understand. I was just like this with my girls, and I really didn't even shut my eyes the 1st 3 days they were home. I eventually slept b/c I physically couldn't stay awake. I doesn't seem like it, but it WILL get easier. I can say for me, around 10-12 weeks, I was finally OK with the idea they would make it through the night, and just now am I comfortable with it. a couple weeks in, I was a HOT MESS! I feel for you, and just know, you are not alone and you are an amazing mom!

weaslewam

I feel like I could have written this exact same thing during my first few months. I would get Nolan down to sleep but I would get on my ipad and make sure I was doing everything in my power to prevent SIDS. I would be scared when he was quiet because I wasn't sure if something was wrong so I couldn't sleep, and then if he was making noises I couldn't sleep because I was listening to him. Even though I was exhausted I couldn't sleep.

It DOES get better. I know each person is different. But eventually I've been able to relax some. Now that Nolan is STTN I can too. I don't remember how long it took but it was hard. Probably at least a month or so I was worried.

My suggestion is to just go with it for now. This too shall pass as they say. Soon you'll realize that your baby is much stronger than you originally gave them credit for.

angelsnight

Thank you all, hearing your stories and knowing I am not a crazy mom alone in my fears helps so much.  I am feeling a bit better but some nights are just as hard.  Several times through out the day and night I'll just check to make sure she's breathing, and I swear sometimes she stops for a couple seconds, not sure if that's just a newborn thing? 

My SIL is coming on Saturday to watch her while I nap.  I can't wait to hopefully have a long, anxiety free sleep knowing she's in good hands for a few hours.