Tell me Im being lame.

KirstenAlecia

We all know how easy it is to get over emotional when TTC and topics surrounding. For that reason a lot of us choose to keep it to ourselves I understand.

That is what H and I have done. 

In my H's family it is 3 boys (that's what his mom had….dad is a different story. Not important) None of the boys have kids. So my MIL has no biological grandkids. All 3 boys are in permanent relationships. Two are married, the 3rd will be next year.

MIL's relationship with middle son's wife is really rocky. My SIL basically hates my MIL. Not with good reason. She just doesn't understand her. My is really really sweet. While she does have a small problem with boundries and being a LITTLE intrusive, I have learned its not her fault. She ALWAYS MEANS WELL. She really just wants to help. Its cute and annoying all at the same time. That said I love her. Other future SIL and I know and love her just as she is. We are all a tight knit little family and we love that. Well except for angry SIL. lol.

MIL is also the Queen of frugal living. That is one of the things I had to learn to accept about her. (I hate when she notices something is new and wants to know where I got it and how much it cost. If its something pricey she gives this coy little smile and does this side eye look like i was a bad daughter and spent too much. I have learned to tell her "don't worry about it" and she gets the hint and drops it.)

I have always assumed that MIL doesn't do the normal mom thing bringing up grandkids cause she has felt like none of us are ready financially in her eyes. I for one have been glad for that. Not that other family has not brought it up……..but its been nice not to have to lie to MIL.

Turns out she does want grandkids and has been bugging future SIL.

I do not want people bugging us but to know that she isn't bugging us cause she doesn't want ME producing her grandkids bothers me.

Out of all 3 boys my H is the most stable, most educated, most responsible and easily makes the most money (since that is SO important to HER)

H and I had a rough relationship for years and even first year of marriage was awful. That was then. We have weathered every kind of storm except infidelity and come out SO STRONG. I have the most amazing marriage. We are so in love. I know she is as proud of H as she could possibly be. So it must be me.

I just wanted to vent that my sad little feeling is hurt. I only have one and its broken.

Im also so confused.

CML11

I don't think you should take it so personally. Maybe in her head she's thinking if the SIL has kids, then it would give her a buffer having a baby to talk about. Maybe not, but it's doubtful that you should take it so personally.
At work there are 3 of us that got married with a month of each other last year. The other 2 are in there 20's (I'm 35) and are constantly bothered about when they will get pregnant. With me, nothing. I think it's strange, maybe they know due to my age it's just assumed that I would be trying. No idea, but don't take it personally. You don't want that stress of questioning anyway.

ksgsmu

I am so sorry that you are feeling hurt.  I don't know what to tell you- I have no real advice.  You said you wanted to keep TTC private so talking to her doesn't seem logical.  I bet there is some misunderstanding or perhaps she just has different boundaries with you for one reason or another.  Maybe your husband might have some insight? So sorry!

KirstenAlecia

Thanks Go figure I keep TTC a secret so Im not being bothered, and Im upset about not being bothered! LMAO @ self.

Actually keeping it a secret was more about not disappointing anyone if it doesn't or can't happen. Not SO MUCH ABOUT people bugging us.

ksgsmu said:

I am so sorry that you are feeling hurt.  I don't know what to tell you- I have no real advice.  You said you wanted to keep TTC private so talking to her doesn't seem logical.  I bet there is some misunderstanding or perhaps she just has different boundaries with you for one reason or another.  Maybe your husband might have some insight? So sorry!

No….I don't plan on talking to her. It would defeat the purpose. I know (think) her boundries are similar across the board….but I could always be wrong. Its a running joke across the SILs. We joke in a fun loving way. In fact EVERYONE in the family has fun doing impressions of her for fits and giggles. We are all pretty close.

@CML11 this little woman needs no buffers….lol. 

Im not questioning if she likes me…..after 10 years of being with H and being married for almost 3….we are fairly close.

although @ksgsmu after reading your comment for some reason something else kind of occurred to me.

H told the SIL I'm closest too……even though i told him not to tell family specifically! I had to tell her it probably wasn't gonna happen cause we had been sort of trying and it hasn't happened. Wondering if he said anything to MIL……..Im not going to be happy if he just decided how i felt about the matter was me being silly. I will get over it but ugh.

BeckyP005

I'm sorry. My MIL never asked when/if we were having kids but ALWAYS asked my other SIL and MH's brother. Like all the time in front of me. She even told her neighbors when we had get togethers that they (me) won't have kids they are too old.

I got so pissy but guess what? No one knew we were on this journey! Yet I was still mad at her. I just got off your subject didn't I?? Time for bed. Probably think your one n done?

Anyway I'm laughing at your last statement. Guess we both should tell them so we can get bugged! Oh but that would then bring up... your too old!!

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bumpuser10258960

Based on your story, perhaps MIL hasn't brought it up because she is that confident in you two that you'll NATURALLY and LOGICALLY be there to provide her grandkids. I think MIL is talking to angry SIL about it because she's not as confident she'll be able to get them from her. 

My MIL has been bugging us like crazy since we got married last year and i know it's because she's worried, deep down, that I have an older child and won't want to have more kids. I've already told her that's not the case and she has since backed down. 

That's my .02 anyway.

Davie813

Ok. @KirstenAlecia, you're being lame. Or, rather, you're not, but I agree with pps that it's probably not anything personal or anything your husband said. I'd guess that due to the combo of your having been married awhile already and (I hate to say it, but....) your age, she probably assumes you either: are already trying; have tried and given up; or have decided you don't want a baby.

on42

Do you think because you have a teen and you're 'over 35' that, in her mind, you're not considering having a baby, so she just doesn't ask?

My mom didn't really have a relationship with me. Now that I'm married and expecting, she's suddenly my best friend... Hurts my feelings. But, I think she only knows how to relate to me now--and not before, when I was dating/career-focused, etc. maybe something similar with your mil???

Keep your chin up!

gabbagal

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt and feel like it's personal. I agree with some of the pps that maybe she thinks b/c you've been together for awhile and haven't had kids, and are over 35, or maybe b/c you haven't mentioned TTC that she just assumes you aren't planning for kids. I'm sorry it's bumming you out, but I bet she'd be thrilled if you produced a grandkid (as would a lot of other people on this board, I assume!)

KirstenAlecia

Thank you ladies.

lol….I can actually say legitimately feel a bit better after reading what you all have said.

It could be an assumption about age and possibly other things (we have a small home, a few too many animals, etc.) Who knows really.

I just really wish it didn't bother me when i found out.

Thanks for being a voice of reason when i get in my own loopy head.

~X( 8-} ( b-(