How do you handle your child not being invited to a bday party?

izziebee

DS1 is all about bday parties lately since he had his just a couple of weeks ago. Well, the other day when I picked him up from daycare he told me that he wants to go to Peyton's (girl from his daycare class) party. I asked him how he knew she was having one and he told me that she told him. Well, I went on to say something like we'll see and he kept saying Pleeeease??? Eventually he dropped it.
So it's 3 days later and we haven't gotten an invite ...  now mind you, we invited her to his party but they never RSVP'd and never came which seriously annoyed me but that's a whole other topic.

He talks about this girl all the time, it's one of his buddies at school but unfortunately I have never met her parents and have no clue who they are. Plus, our school won't give out any information on families so I can't get an email or anything to even try to set up a playdate. The only chance I have of communicating with them is leaving a note in the girls folder (which is how they got our bday invite) or trying to get to daycare when they are there but I have no clue what their schedule is.

So how would you handle this situation with your LO if they don't end up invited and they get upset about it? It just breaks my heart.....

macchiatto

I'd just say that sometimes people have smaller parties or just a family party so they can't always invite everyone. 

Cherryblossoms07

macchiatto said:

I'd just say that sometimes people have smaller parties or just a family party so they can't always invite everyone. 

This. It doesn't sound like he was purposefully left out or forgotten about, it is not like all the other kids are talking about their invites. I know quite a few people who don't have friend parties in preschool, my DD included.

fitmom82

DD just had her birthday, she was very excited and doesn't realize that her pinata birthday party at school and family birthday party at home is any different than the big expensive parties she's been going to every month.  Just because she said she's having a party doesn't mean it's an invite all your friends from school party.  I would just tell him she's just having her family over.  I would never question the parents about it.

neverblushed

Ditto the "kids get confused and talk about parties that aren't even happening" thing.  Sometimes preschoolers just talk about a party because they wish they were having one.  

Just let your son know that she might have been confused about whether she's having a party.

groovygrl

I just tell my kids that some people aren't able to invite the whole class or sometimes any friends from school and we have to understand that.

I have b/g twins and sometimes kids will have a single gender party so that is an easy explanation to give (though the first time it was rough on my DS and he didn't get it, thank goodness he ended up being invited to a boys' party eventually...) ...but tomorrow there is a party that I know we're not invited to (either kid so not a gender thing) and I know at least one other friend from school is and I just kept hoping all week that none of the kids mentioned it to my kids...but my plan if they did find out about it was pretty much to explain that she probably is having a smaller party and it is ok not to get invited to everything and not everyone can have the whole class.  Def much harder if they find out a bunch of kids from school are going though.

yeah.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you and he are going to have to get used to it. Kids get left out of stuff all the time for various reasons. You can explain that some people have family only parties, or whatever, but the fact is, it's not going to end and it's ok for your child to be disappointed sometimes. He'll get over it.

izziebee

Thanks everyone for your input... and I do realize that we are going to 'have to get use to it' - I don't WANT him to get invited to every party. I was only asking how you handle it b/c it's new for us this year to be invited/not invited to parties he's aware of, I wanted to get some ideas for the best way to approach it. I would never invite all the kids in his class (there are 35 and we invited 7) so I would never expect to him to be invited to every party being given by his classmates.