Adoption

Not a good day

Today is not a good day for me, I have been feeling such anxiety about our future. With everything else that has gone wrong for the past 3 1/2 years, I guess I am feeling like this door (our last door) is going to slam shut at any moment. One minute I feel like it's so amazing that somewhere out there in the world is a woman who is the future mother of our future child. Then I start to worry that we won't be ready in time, or what if we finally get to the home study stage and get rejected? Or what if we get all the way to a placement and the EMOM changes her mind? I just don't know if I am strong enough to handle any more disappointments. Before, I was coping by keeping busy with all of the paperwork because at least then I actually felt like I was making things progress. Now I am just waiting on DH to decide he wants to work on his paperwork, and who knows when that will be? Sometimes I think that it would be easier to just give up, because then I would at least know for sure what the future held for us. But, I know that I can't do that. I would never be able to forgive myself.
So, I guess my question for all of you is, how do you cope with these terrible emotions and thoughts? How do you stay positive when your path in front of you is so vulnerable and unsure?

Re: Not a good day

  • Hang in there.   This is definitely not an easy process to go through and there are so many uncertainties.  I try not to dwell on the negative aspects and just keep repeating to myself that it will all be worth it in the end.   

    I also take breaks from thinking or reading about adoption.   I alternate one adoption/parenting book with a novel of some sort.   
    Started foster to adopt application process January 2014
  • First of all, hugs!! My DH and I both had a bad day Tuesday. We are working through ways to cope. Most of time we try to take our minds off of things. I hope your day gets better !
    Carly
    (Former UN: iloveshanej)

    Birdie born 05/01/2007
    Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017                                          


    Potato Launcher


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  • Honestly? We spent a lot of the time living our life as if we weren't adopting. We did our paperwork, then we went on vacation. H had to clean the house for our home study because I was on a business trip. Our profile went active and we celebrated Christmas. I kept in mind that H would do his part eventually (he did), the home study wasn't an excuse to disqualify us (they were there to help us be parents), and that with enough time we would be parents.
  • Breathe.  There are lots of ups and downs and trying to get through the process.  We had a really bad week this week and DH and I almost killed each other because we are both processing some test results in different ways.  We also try to find projects to keep our head busy that have nothing to do with our infertility and foster to adopt journies.  We're working on a mini-remodel of the kitchen.  It's a process we can both dig into and distract ourselves.  I also like to garden, so I've thrown myself into that fully...learning how to switch over to organic soil combinations, building my own tomato cages, etc.  Anything to keep the mind focused on something else.  

    You got this...you're an amazing woman!

     

  • Thanks all. We bought two cans of paint the other day for the spare bedroom, so I am going to try to focus on that. It's hard to think of it as painting the spare bedroom and not as painting the future nursery. 
  • Then think of it as the future nursery if that's what works for you
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  • @marshmallowevening, I think it's so important to allow ourselves to have bad days.  This is a very stressful process and we should be able to have an off day (or week) and be okay with it.  Thanks for the reminder!

     

  • I remember those days so well.  It's so hard to finish up everything that you have control over as quickly as you can, and then be patient while you just sit there waiting for everything that's out of your control to come to pass.  

    But it WILL pass.  Not as quickly as you'd like, or as smoothly, and you're going to freak out sometimes, but know that it's totally normal, and you will come out of this as a parent.  Try to enjoy the sleep until then!
  • Hugs!!  I've been feeling exactly like that the last month or so.  I try to just focus on other things like crafting or gardening or reading a juicy book.

    I try to tell myself to stay hopeful.  Talking to my husband helps a lot.  We also have friends that are adopting, so it helps to talk to them.

    We've also started decorating our future nursery, so I like to buy things when I see them on sale and think of that room as a sign of our hope for the future.
    image   image   image
    TTC since 2010 | 3 miscarriages | Diagnosed with stage IV endo | Adopted our little girl Aug 25, 2014

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