Angry fits/throwing

pb_bride

DS is 16.5m. For the past week, he is getting angry a lot and throwing toys/books etc.  He has been doing this for months but normally there is an obvious trigger (eg, change of activity) and he only did it occasionally.

But since last week, the frequency has increased by a lot, and he gets angry at the slightest thing (whereas in the past, it wouldn't have caused a fit).  For example, nowadays just me mentioning certain things (diaper change, time to eat) is enough to make him mad.  Other times, there aren't even an obvious cause - he can be playing with his cars fine and suddenly start throwing them, or we will be reading a book (of his choosing) and he suddenly slams it shut and throws the book at me.

When he starts throwing, I usually say to him in a calm voice, "I see you are angry, but we don't throw things. That makes mommy sad." and I try to pick him up and redirect him.  When he hears me, it makes him madder and will throw even harder.  If I don't pick him up, he'll continue to throw.  But when I pick him up, he kicks and headbutts me. It can take 30secs to several minutes to calm him down (which is not fun when he's struggling with full force).

A few times I simply just ignored him when he started throwing.  He continued to throw but eventually would stop.  I don't like this however because I want him to understand it is not OK to throw. 

I assume this is the toddler stage that they are starting to test limits.  In the past, I try to anticipate what may trigger him and do my best to make the transitions smooth.  But nowadays it seems like he just gets angry with little or no provocation.  I don't know if my response to him is right?  I SAH and dealing with his angry fits day in day out can be mentally and physically exhausting. Just want some advice from those of you who have BTDT.

EandIMommy86

My daughter is going through this right now, but not as extreme as your LO. She has thrown her milk if she didn't want it instead of giving it to me nicely. So I say "We don't throw things." and then put it on the counter and she no longer gets her milk for right now. When she cries and throws a fit, I ignore it because any attention is still attention. This has caused her fits to decrease dramatically and when she does throw one, it is short. With the milk thing, she needs to know that whatever you decide to throw, you do not get it back until you can be nice about it. When I gave it to her next time, she drank it and put it down nicely when she was done.

If you are about to eat and he gets mad, let him watch you put the food up and say "ok, all gone until you calm down" or however you want to phrase it. Once he has calmed down, give it to him and tell him it is time to eat. Eventually, he will associate the calm behavior with good things like being able to eat. The same goes with the book and toy throwing. Take them away and say "nope, all done" and put them up nicely then walk away from the situation. Once he is calm, try again.

I know this can be exhausting. I also SAH. I hope things get better soon. GL!

hilsy85

I agree with taking away whatever he is throwing, and moving him to a space where there is nothing he can pick up and throw. that's what I do when LO throws, and he throws things a lot--usually not out of anger, just throwing randomly, but in classes it can hit another child and be dangerous so I try to prevent it. 

pb_bride

It is a bit difficult to take away things that he can throw... He has many cars, as well as books, little people animals, nuts and bolts from his toolbench etc. Basically he will throw anything he can get his hands on.  The only option would be put him in his crib, but that is on a different floor so chances are he will throw a even bigger fit while I'm trying to carry him up the stairs. I don't think he understands timeouts yet either. 

Keep your suggestions coming though!

EandIMommy86

The thing is though he can't grab everything at once. So eventually, when you start grabbing everything he throws, he is going to realize that everything he throws is going to be taken if he does not play nicely. It will be a pain at first but it will be worth it. By only taking away some things and not others, it is not going to teach him anything. Only take away what he throws though.

Starfish+77

My DD will soon be 16 months and I could've written this same post. Look forward to suggestions as I'm not sure what will work or help. I am expecting #2 in less than 3 weeks and extremely anxious over DD's sudden temperament and raising a newborn. I guess if our LO's continue their throwing fits we'll have to exchange info and get them together for a play date so they can battle it out :-) GL!

ktpaladino

This sounds like us to a T right now. Although my DS is 23 months and this has just started and gotten really bad this past week. I am doing/saying the same things as you are. Just trying to be consistent so that he will finally get the message one day......

ashiscute

Instead of taking the toys away I would just walk away at that point.  I would calmly say "We do not throw toys.  Mommy will come back when you've calmed down".  Then I would get up and make myself busy reading a magazine or doing whatever until he calmed down.  Once he is throwing a tantrum he is not listening to reasoning so there is no point trying to get the message of no throwing across.  And I think if you try grabbing everything he grabs you are just making it more of a game.  And you will prolong the tantrum.

Attention is by far the most powerful reward for your child.  If you refuse to acknowledge your LO when he is throwing (as long he and others are safe) than you are still sending the message that that is not an acceptable behavior.