Hope you all don't mind, I just need to vent. (not all baby related)

aintnoyuppiemom

Nothing is more important to me then family but lately my family has been driving me nuts. My grandfather lives with us he is a very sick man and last month had a massive heart attack. I feel so bad for him, but he is just so miserable all the time. He (sometimes) chips in for groceries and that is all he helps out with around here. My husband is the sole provider and he is losing his job next week. My grandfather will be the first one to point out H's mistakes, put him down and basically tell him he is a failure. If I do not pick up LO the moment he starts crying I become the worst mother in the world to my grandfather. Nothing is ever good enough. I cook one thing for dinner and he wants the complete opposite. Mind you my grandfather has almost died on us 3 separate times and the only reason he is still here is because of us, we have picked him up off the floor (he is 300lbs) and cleaned him (all of him) up when he is sick. Now he is family and that is part of it, I am just sorry tired of his constant aggressive, pessimistic attitude. I have become his live-in maid, nurse, and personal chef and am no longer his granddaughter.

And just a little side note on my grandfather, he called me the other day to pick something up while I was running errands. Then he must've figured I would forget so he decided to go get it himself, while in the process of leaving he ran into a truck we bought to fix up and sell there is now a large dent down the whole drivers side of the truck he broke his taillight and scraped up his car. To top it all off he was never going to tell us. I waited an hour before I mentioned, and he looked at me perplexed "how did you know?" gee, I don't know there is a big dent in the truck and taillight pieces on the ground. How did I know...?( hitting forehead know) 

H hurt himself at work awhile ago and ever since he has become a baby himself. I posted on ten things that I am tired of giving H back massages. I have given him one our entire relationship just about every night usually an hour to two hours long. (my own fault I guess I never should've started it.) he even wanted me to massage him while I was in my 3rd trimester. I was huge and full of fluid because of my pre-e and I still had to rub him. What drives me over the edge about it is since we had DS H has become jealous I think. I am sorry DS is my first priority and it makes me mad to no end that H would want me to take my attention away from DS when DS needs me to take care of him. I just want to scream, I never ask for help with any of LO's care from H. He hasn't taken him anywhere alone, I don't leave them alone for more then a half an hour. and H has probably changed a handful of diapers since he has come home with us. I wanted the care to be mine so I don't blame him at all for not being overly involved I just get mad when he gets upset that I am doing my job.  

Sorry ladies and thanks to anyone who reads I just really needed to get some frustration off my chest.

pnutg

Sounds like you have a lot going on. And I'msorry that you're stressed out but it sounds like you need to start saying no and lay down the law. I hope it gets better soon.

coffeeandbooks

That is a lot for you to deal with, just curious do you have any other family that could help out with your grandfather?  Are your parents able to help?   I would think they should at least help finanically with his care.

CarolineEmma

I agree with PP. you need to stop trying to do so much and accept some help. don't be a martyr. also i am really sorry about your situation with your grandfather. Is there any other family member who can help you with him? I understand the difficulty of family situations but I don't think I would want anyone talking so negatively about me or my husband in front of my son, and I wouldn't put up with that in my household from anyone. 

aintnoyuppiemom

coffeeandbooks yes my mother lives very close. She buys his medicine and he has just gotten medicare (or Medicaid I never can remember) so that his helping with his medicine. My mom has helped out a lot to when he is really bad. My grandfather has diabetes too so I usually have to call her when his sugar drops out of sight. However my parents both have two jobs each to pay their bills. The money isn't even the biggest issue I just wish he would respect the fact that his 29 year grandson-in-law is paying the taxes lights and cable and not put him down anymore. especially since my grandfather usually leaves the lights on all the time and has to have to the TV at certain times. I guess I am just tired of the disrespect.

emmy236

Have you looked into a home health aide? We got this for my grandfather when he started to go down hill. Medicare usually pays for it at least a day or two a week. It's not a lot but can maybe give you a break. Also, try the website aplaceformom.com. They have some really good resources. Not to sound awful but if he's getting SS or disability checks than he should be helping out some financially. If not make sure your hubby claims him as an adult dependent when he files for unemployment.

aintnoyuppiemom

beaubecca            I am not sure if there is anything like that in my area, there aren't a lot of things going on where I live because it is so rural, there isn't even a bowling alley but it is definitely something I should check into thanks for the suggestion. That is kind of why I posted on here though to. I wasn't sure if anyone else had similar problems while trying to be a parent (especially for the first time bc I know I am still trying to figure the whole parenting thing out which just adds to my stress.)

aintnoyuppiemom

emmy236 We have a Nursing student come in once or twice a week to check some sores he has and to wash him up since he can't stand in the shower. she only stays for about an hour. My mom has tried to talk him into assisted living and he refuses, its frustrating. He wont even go to physical therapy to try and work on his legs so he can get around better. He does get SS checks and a retirement check. I usually have to go grocery shopping 2-3 times a month and I spend right around $300 on average each trip and he usually gives me anywhere from $100-$200 a month towards groceries. which that does help since he is home more then the rest of us, he just never tells me what he wants to eat or what he will make when we are gone, so he complains. I will have him check on the unemployment thing. Since we are losing our insurance along with the job I wonder if that would lower our payments for that stupid obamacare until we can get something else. My grandfather doesn't need insurance since he has everything else but maybe if we claim him on unemployment we can claim that we are paying for him to live with us to for the insurance. Thank you! what a great suggestion.

aintnoyuppiemom

allydncr            ik my husband loves our son it is just frustrating when he pulls that what about me crap, right? sometimes I think H's priority list goes himself,his family/friends,himself,our son,himself, then me. I feel awful being that drastic about it. but he just drives me nuts because one moment its like awww daddy-son moment but when H wants it to be all about him and our 10 1/2 month old son needs me its not convenient for him. I am sorry parenting is not about convenience.

bumpuser3155624

One of my friends works for a non-profit that works with helping people in your grandpa's situation. They are located in a urban area but still work with and help people in some of the smaller rural areas. I would still try contacting an organization that is close and see if they can still help.

Hope that things get better for you!!