Delayed birthday shock **Child Mentioned**

Davie813

So, like quite a few of us Bumpies, apparently,   I had a birthday recently.  I'm now 40.  I thought the string of BFNs I got this month was the worst 40th birthday present ever, so to soften the blow, DH, DD, and I took kind of an impulse trip to New Orleans to get away from it all, be warm for a change, and celebrate.

It was awesome!  I thought a lot about how lucky I was to have both of them, and I think I really started to come to terms with the fact that DD might be an only child.

And then we came back. 

For some reason, the possibility that I really won't ever be able to get pregnant is hitting me all over again today, but the acceptance I thought I was working toward is gone.  I feel awful and insensitive even writing this, given the struggles some of you are going through TTC #1, but I can't stop thinking about what it's going to be like for DD to be on her own when DH and I are gone, or if she has to care for us when we're very old without any help (DH and I both have small families).  I do (kind of) know I'm being ridiculous, because I know lots of very happy only children, but I'm just afraid she's going to be lonely. 

Also, of course, the thought that it's really true--that I'm getting older and that my body (my reproductive system, at least) is preparing to call it a day--is a major bummer.

I guess the good news is that I called my OB this morning to schedule CD3 bloodwork, an HSG, and an appointment to discuss referral to an RE.

Actually, I don't even know what I'm trying to say in this post.  I do know that I hope I haven't offended any of you with my griping--that was definitely not my intention.  I think you all are amazing, and I really believe that each of you is going to find success with your chosen course (it's easier to be objective rather than pessimistic when it's not you, I guess!)  Maybe I'm just having a bad day

On a happier note, you New Orleans ladies (I seem to recall that there are a couple of you) live in a truly beautiful place.  I'm so jealous!

ksgsmu

Glad you had a good trip!  hope you get the answers you need from your testing and RE!

Good luck!

jenfer916

Awwww, I hear ya. I had a BFN on my 41st birthday. Lots of emotional tears and worse than my 40th. I could have written your post. I have worried about my DD being alone as well. I think we tell ourselves we're "making peace" with our individual situations, but there will always be times when it's not very peaceful. (LOL) I don't think it will ever go away. My best friend who is 41 also and had her kids in her early 20's says there are days she still gets sad that the fertility boat is sailing so to speak. They decided long ago that two was enough for them. So I guess I'm trying to say everything you're feeling is normal IMO. I don't think you should ever feel insensitive when writing how you feel. We're here to support you and hear your vents/rants. (((Hugs)))

BeckyP005

I love love New Orleans!! MH ate SO much lol. It's good that you set some tests up and looking to see an RE.

I always wanted a big family since my mom came from 6 but sadly they are not even in the states. If this cycle works I often have feelings like you about he/she being an only child but you know what...my brother and I don't even talk. Sad but it is what it is. So basically I feel like I'm an only child. I'm sure if you don't have another sibling for your daughter she will have many best friends and never feel lonely!!

Hugs and good luck!!!

gabbagal

I can say as someone who is TTC #1, you definitely didn't offend me. We all have hopes and desires, and it's just as disappointing and frustrating if things aren't (yet) working out as you planned, regardless of whether you're trying for #1, #2, or #10! I'm glad you had a good time in New Orleans, and good luck at your OB appt

BeckyP005

NCIS is in New Orleans!!! Haaahaa. They just showed a bar that is in the French Quarter. You can relive your trip by watching the show

Davie813

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond to this! I really appreciate your kindness. I guess I'm just having a tough time with the reality of it all right now and need a pat on the head or something.

@jenfer916, yup--you pretty much summed up what's going through my mind at the moment! Good to know I'm not alone. Thank you!

@gabbagal, thank you so much for your graciousness and understanding!

@BeckyP005‌, you are always so nice. Thanks! I missed CSI but thanks for that, too!

BeckyP005

Hmm what I wrote didn't seem encouraging but hope you know where I was going with it!! FX that your RE feels its a simple issue and you will have another baby!!!

latershrader

I agree w/ PP, what you wrote didn't offend me. TTC#1 for over a year. Sunday we were out at a restaurant and I see a good daddy carry his beautiful sleeping baby girl into a restaurant and set her down on the booth ever so gently as to not wake her...and I burst into tears. 

We want this so bad. And we can control so many other things in our lives. But this is not in our control. The best we can do is what your are starting to do now: get to the dr and get those tests.

Good luck!

Davie813

BeckyP005 said:

Hmm what I wrote didn't seem encouraging but hope you know where I was going with it!! FX that your RE feels its a simple issue and you will have another baby!!!

I did--no worries!  Thank you, @BeckyP005 and @soontobeshrader.  I'm just having a crappy week, and really appreciate the support.  You ladies are the best!

URMySunshine77

It is so hard to feel out of control with an important endeavor like this. There are days when I also try to look at the flip side and think: "what if DS is an only child." It's like our brains try to protect our hearts.

I hope that you gain some answers and hopeful results after consulting with the RE. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

mindaa

gabbagal said:

I can say as someone who is TTC #1, you definitely didn't offend me. We all have hopes and desires, and it's just as disappointing and frustrating if things aren't (yet) working out as you planned, regardless of whether you're trying for #1, #2, or #10! I'm glad you had a good time in New Orleans, and good luck at your OB appt

This was very well stated! 

I agree, even though I'm TTC #1, we're very optimistic that it's going to happen despite the delay... so I'm actually going through very similar emotions in reconciling that we may be one and done. Which was not in my "life plan" but the more we talk about I'm warming to it. DH actually loves that plan, having been encouraged by several friends who had their only child later in life and it's allowed them to maintain a very active lifestyle. We're just praying that our siblings start having kids soon, so there are cousins!

@Davie - good for you and your family for getting away and taking care of yourself during an emotional time.

thirtyninetoforty

I've thought about the fact that if I am blessed with a child it will 99.99999% be an only child and I've had conflicting thoughts but when it comes to my parents, I've had all the responsibility and having sisters has only made it worse.  My relationship with my sisters is fine but they are strained from my parents which kind of puts me in the middle which I don't like.  My sisters are quite a bit older than me so I was raised like an only child and would rather have my friends.  After all that babbling, being an only child, for me, is not such a bad thing.  I do believe that we will all be blessed with what we are searching for so I think your worries will be put to rest soon...
:x

Davie813

Thanks, Ladies!

JimBobCooter said:

 It just's a cruel joke that by the time I've got it together and am stable with the man of my dreams, biology now says NOPE! 

Yeah, I think I've heard that joke (I met DH at 37).  NOT FUNNY, biology, NOT FUNNY! 
50-80% odds sound pretty good (easy to say this when I'm not the one putting down the money, I know), but I'm rooting so, so hard for you to be successful in this!

mindaa said:

 I'm actually going through very similar emotions in reconciling that we may be one and done. Which was not in my "life plan" but the more we talk about I'm warming to it. DH actually loves that plan, having been encouraged by several friends who had their only child later in life and it's allowed them to maintain a very active lifestyle.

Yes, that's a good point, and is I think helping me gradually accept whatever happens.  Things like impulse trips to NOLA do probably work better with one small child than two...silver linings, right?

@URMySunshine77 and @thirtyninetoforty, thanks for the solidarity and perspective.  Wishing the best for all of you!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

KirstenAlecia

Awwwww @Davie813 don't worry about venting! Thats what we are all her for. To support each other….especially at times like you are having. HUGS. 

I for one understand those thoughts. I have just my one also and have thought the very same things. Im glad you are taking the steps you need to since it is important to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Remember we are here for you!

Pintobean39

I just wanted to say glad you enjoyed your trip. I live in the New Orleans and I love it. I love traveling to different places but I love coming back home.

Good luck in the future, I'm turning 40 in a couple of months and I appreciate everything you said.

Davie813

@JimBobCooter, stories like the ones you mention are plenty discouraging, but it still sounds like the odds are on your side (especially, perhaps, since you've been pregnant and carried to term in the past--as you say, we don't know what issues might be at play in the cases where repeat DE IVFs are unsuccessful.  Bodies are complicated!)  Keep the faith, girl!

@IFinTN, yes, your perspective helps.  A lot.  Thank you!

@KirstenAlecia, thank you for your support!  Much appreciated!

@Pintobean39, I'd love coming home to New Orleans, too!  I love Chicago, I do, but I was not excited by the fresh snow that greeted us our first morning back in town...