DS "acts up" with me.....

MaggieF516

I have been having a bit of a challenging time lately with my son.  I posted a few days ago that he is going to bed very late (i.e. 10:30) which entails a full hour of trying to get him to sleep and I have to lay on the floor by his crib until he falls asleep and hold his hand.  He also wakes up at 3 am and I need to go in and hold his hand and lay on the floor until he falls asleep again.  Well I got a babysitter last night and she stated that he was a "perfect little angel," fell asleep at 9:30 when she put him right down, did not use a pacifier (and he normally whines or throws a tantrum for one with me).  He also was using the word "more" with her when he wanted more food and I have been trying to get him to use this word for months, but he won't and just points and whines until I give him something or he will throw a tantrum. 

It also seems to be a constant temper tantrum unless I am holding him or he is watching his favorite movie.  I have tried to ignore him, but he will go on forever.  This morning for example he spent almost an hour on the floor crying because I couldn't hold him because I was trying to get ready for work. I brought him juice, a cookie, put on Sesame Street, anything to get him to stop so I could get ready, but he wouldn't.  I can't even figure out what is wrong half the time because I bring him everything he could possibly need and he's still throwing a fit.  I hate to say it, but my son also seems to be the worst behaved toddler that I have seen in public.  He refuses to sit in a highchair at all costs and will even scream loudly when I try to put him in one. He also will not ride in the stroller for very long at all.  I just see other babies out and about and they seem to be acting so much better. Another problem is that only place he will nap is in the car, so I end up usually sitting in the car for 1.5 hrs each weekend day so he can sleep.  I feel like I might be creating some of these issues by giving into him, but he does not stop the tantrums if I ignore him, etc. so I don't know what to do.  I just feel very stressed out by his behavior. Are these things normal?  What can I do differently? He's always been a "spirited" child but it just all seems so overwhelming.  Is it normal for a child to act worse with their parents? Thanks for your help!! 

LimaD

I agree 100% with PP
When DD is throwing a tantrum for not getting what she wants I basically ignore her crying. Eventually she finds a toy and is happy again, or will come hug my leg in which case all she needs is a smile and hug from me for her to be okay again.

It sounds like your DS has learned how to get his way with you.  I understand there are times (especially in public) where it's tempting to give in just to get him to be quiet. And I admit there have been times where i've given DD a snack to keep her happily quiet in public.  But it's definitely the exception.

If you do start ignoring (instead of reinforcing) the tantrums, expect it to take some time. He might pick it up right away, or he may cry and scream longer and louder. Don't give in, eventually he'll get it! GL!

traveltheworld

FWIW, DS had HUGE tantrum problems back when he was 13 - 14 months.  1 - 2 hour long

I was at my wit's end.  I talked to my pediatrician because I was so concerned that he had some underlying psychological problem.  My pediatrician said to completely ignore him.  I thought I was doing that already, but as it turned out, my pediatrician pointed out that I was responding through my body language (tensing up, pacing back and forth on the floor beside him).  Once DH and I started completely ignoring him by walking to a different part of the room and engaging in our own activities, he got progessively better.  The first few times he still went on for 45 minutes - 1 hour, but it got shorter and shorter. 

As to being badly behaved in public,  I've once left him rolling on the grocery store isle for 15 minutes (couldn't pick him up since he was arching his back so badly) and pretend to walk away.  Our rule is that if he doesn't sit in his high chair or booster seat, he has to leave the restaurant and sit in the back of the car by himself (I sit in the front) while we both wait for others to finish their meals.  We did that a few times and now he'll sit in the restaurant.

Be consistent with how you choose to address his tantrums and just stick with it.  People understand what young kids are like.

ashiscute

I understand how feel to an extent.  My DS can be very difficult at times and wants to be held a lot even though he is 18 months.  I don't know how many times I've called my DH during work and said "what the heck is up with this baby?"  The most important thing to do is stay calm as best you can.  When he is tantruming and you know he is safe and okay, just ignore until he is ready to hug it out.  As for him saying more for other people and not you I would give him other ways to say it.  Does he sign more?  Say yes or no?  Set him up for success as much as you can.  Also, try to catch him being good and give positive reinforcement for that.

The sleeping issues are probably causing a lot of your other issues so I would work on that.  I would not allow naps in the car to continue.  And I would try to get him to bed by 8 or 830 at the latest.  Everyone is different on this issue but I would not lay on the floor next to my child's bed to get them to sleep.  It's obvious he knows how to sleep on his own so you need to let him.  

Please do not feel alone.  All toddlers have their moments and some are much more spirited than others.  But everyone has been there when they feel like they have the worst behaved toddler in the world.  

Jackiemxoxo

I think it might be helpful to implement a routine with consistency. If a kid knows what to expect, they are more likely to cooperate with it. That is not to say you won't have tantrums and he may still act differently with you but routine will help. Start moving bedtime up a little every night until its always 9-930 (or whatever works for you). Then work on a different way to put him to sleep where you don't have to hold his hand if that isn't working for you. I agree with pp's that you cannot give into his every want because he will learn that you will always give in. 

littlemurphy2912

My 19 month DD throws many tantrums and tries to test my DH and I's patience with so many things. We stick to our guns as much as possible and don't allow her to think that she is in control of stuff but yet we try to allow her to be independent when she is wanting to do things herself and getting frustrated if we are doing it for her. If she doesn't listen to us and throws a fit we sit her on the carpet and let her be and ignore her. We explain to her that throwing a tantrum about something will not get her anything and mommy and daddy say no for a reason and she needs to listen to us. Or we will say you need to use your words and explain to us what you need or want if she is throwing a tantrum because we don't understand what she is telling us she wants when most the time she doesn't know what she wants anyways. If this is really stressful and hard for you to deal with how your DS acts and how he sleeps, you need to really try and change his habits for the benefit of you and him both. I really can't complain because my DD has been a really good sleeper since she was born. Yes there have been many, many times where she has fought us on going to bed or even down for naps and cried in the middle of the night but most the time (unless she is sick or in pain for any reason) we let her just cry and listen to her to see what's going on. We have tended to her needs when we feel we need to but overall she knows we aren't going to put up with any tantrums or fits she throws if she doesn't want to go to bed. We talk to her and explain things to her as simply as we can and try to give her choices but we praise her as much as we can on so many things she does well so she recognizes the difference. There have been many times where my DH and I will go into her room and explain it's night time and time to go to sleep, you are just fine, you have been changed and rocked, you need to relax and go to sleep, mommy and daddy can hear you and we know you are fine. For example the past two nights before I have laid her down in her bed to go to sleep, she has tried to delay herself from going to bed. I will rock her and sing to her and she will sit up in my lap and point to things and say words and I keep on singing to her. She then looks at me trying to get me to stop singing and reply to the words she is saying and I will but when I know she's trying to postpone going to bed then I act on it. I give her two choices, I will put you in your crib or I can rock you to sleep and she will choose me to rock her to sleep. I give her 2 chances and on the third I act on it. When she keeps doing the same thing (sitting up in my lap, pointing, and saying words to get me to respond) I will answer her pick her up, give her a kiss, and tell her nite-nite, lay her down in her crib gently, give her a blanket, and walk out of the room. Two nights ago she fussed for 10 seconds then was out. Last night she talked herself to sleep and rolled around in her crib.

BP607

Along the lines of tantrums, if DS starts one, we just walk away and he will stop after only a couple minutes.  Once my H was on the iPad doing facetime and he started in to one.  He was still sitting in the room with him doing FaceTime and it just went on and on.  If he had just walked out it would have ended much sooner.  

I agree 930 is way too late for a bed time.  DS can barely stay up past 730 and he is up between 6-630 during the week.  

MaggieF516

Thanks for the suggestions everyone!  I'm going to start trying to get him to bed a little earlier because he might be overtired even though he's not really showing signs of being tired.  I also like the idea to walk out of the room when he's having a tantrum. I actually did it unintentionally once last week and I remember he stopped quickly and started doing a puzzle.

ashiscute

MaggieF516 said:

Thanks for the suggestions everyone!  I'm going to start trying to get him to bed a little earlier because he might be overtired even though he's not really showing signs of being tired.  I also like the idea to walk out of the room when he's having a tantrum. I actually did it unintentionally once last week and I remember he stopped quickly and started doing a puzzle.

This cracked me up.  Kids are so silly.  I know it's hard to walk away while they are having a tantrum but I think it's easier for them to calm down alone and then they are ready for snuggles.  Trying to reason with them during that time is impossible.  I'm hoping things get better for you.