Forgetting to mention a loss

heelsandhighchairs

SOMEONE, ANYONE! Please explain why you ladies are so adamant about *loss mentioned* disclaimers?

Because Im not getting it. Coming from someone who is PgAL I dont understand why you all are so anal about them.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

flmomof4

Some women (those who have had a loss and those who haven't too) don't like to see those posts. The kind and considerate thing to do is put a little disclaimer in your post title so if they aren't in a place where they want to read about or think about a loss at that moment they can just skip over the post. I don't see why it's a big deal to do that. Yes loss happens, I had one too, but I can understand not wanting to read about it if you're having your own struggles or issues going on.

Wrights22

I would say b/c it's very anxiety producing. We all know someone who's experienced a loss, or have heard stories of random losses, or have personally struggled with one.... Even later in pregnancy. some days you just don't want to read those posts. It should be disclaimed from the beginning so you can choose to read or not.

heelsandhighchairs

jessa8907 said:

So because you are PgAL you can determine how every single other person who has experienced a loss will feel about a loss being brought up out of nowhere?

Cool, I wish I had that super power.

Actually, just the opposite. Which is why I asked. I don't understand why you would feel that way, SO I ASKED.

abchittam

I've never had a loss, but I guarantee you that everytime I read one of those
stories it only makes me worry that something is going to happen to my baby. It's just like the thread from a recent poster that lost her baby last week. Here I am thinking that I have made it far enough to be in the all clear and she lost her baby due to preterm labor. I have issues with preterm labor! It only makes me worry so I appreciate it when someone gives a heads up in the title. That way I don't have to open it if I don't want to. On my worrisome days, I be sure to avoid them at all costs. It's not cool to stumble across something like that when I'm already panicking about some crazy symptoms I'm having.

Do you go to other countries and ask why they do things the way they do? It's common board courtesy and etiquette. Just do it.

heelsandhighchairs

ChiMom85 said:

Some women (those who have had a loss and those who haven't too) don't like to see those posts. The kind and considerate thing to do is put a little disclaimer in your post title so if they aren't in a place where they want to read about or think about a loss at that moment they can just skip over the post. I don't see why it's a big deal to do that. Yes loss happens, I had one too, but I can understand not wanting to read about it if you're having your own struggles or issues going on.

Ok thank you. I wasn't being insensitive I didnt understand, so I appreciate you explainig without being snarky and sarcastic.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

rattlecanqueen

I'm feeling particularly sensitive as the due date of the baby I just lost in August approaches. Which I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to handle, especially since I have a follow up u/s that day and regular doctors appt that day and I'm teary thinking about it.

That's why. It's a jerky thing to have an attitude about something, especially when it's the norm in the community.

Salsera29

If you can't figure out the "why" on your own, you're not someone I would care to associate with. Post-it updated.

heelsandhighchairs

shanicenicolle said:

heelsandhighchairs said:

jessa8907 said:

So because you are PgAL you can determine how every single other person who has experienced a loss will feel about a loss being brought up out of nowhere?

Cool, I wish I had that super power.

Actually, just the opposite. Which is why I asked. I don't understand why you would feel that way, SO I ASKED.

You seem to be in a mood tonight. Leave the internet alone and relax.

I am always in a mood when people are rude.

rattlecanqueen

l

heelsandhighchairs said:

SOMEONE, ANYONE! Please explain why you ladies are so adamant about *loss mentioned* disclaimers?

Because Im not getting it. Coming from someone who is PgAL I dont understand why you all are so anal about them.

Qfp

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

sxymamakat

There was a DEFINITE tone to your original post, and it bordered between aggressive and ignorant.  That combined with the obvious reason we do it is why people reacted to you.  Not hard. 

acciovino

And you are??? 

Nichole8787

I'm calling troll. 

rattlecanqueen

I haven't ever avoided a loss mentioned post either...but I do wait to read them if I'm feel particularly emotional until I'm somewhere it's appropriate for me to deal with all the emotions that I may have in reading the post.

You get what you give here...and I think you @heelsandhighchairs should be the one to step away from the internet for a minute. There's a place for snark (or trolling and I personally think that's what you're doing), but loss is where a line should be drawn.

abchittam

Ok, ok so I didn't take it as you being quite so "rude" or coming across the wrong way

UNTIL

I read your comments in the fiber one thread. It's obvious you brought your bad attitude over to this thread. How in the world did you think this would go over calmly after the scene you made in the other thread? And you called us rude.…

yurmom

Caitlinrj said:

And you are??? 

Bitter

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12274195/anatomy-scan#latest

Katieryan13

Why does it matter? If someone wants a "loss mentioned" who cares why?

Nichole8787

ghostof5letters

Damn it, people it's bedtime! This is not fair

Salsera29

ghostof5letters said:

Damn it, people it's bedtime! This is not fair

Yup. We're gonna have to let the west-coasters take this one.

ghostof5letters

dlsexton said:

Caitlinrj said:

And you are??? 

Bitter

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12274195/anatomy-scan#latest

Winner winner chicken dinner. Poor newb's butt hurt and bitter

coybig

and... done.

Tbags83

I think I missed that post. I'm sick and some of those GIFs made me blow a snot bubble from laughing. Gross.

Jbosarge85

ghostof5letters said:

Damn it, people it's bedtime! This is not fair

You'll have something good to read tomorrow should you get bored....

rattlecanqueen

uws22 said:

and... done.

Dang did you have to start a whole new post it just for her, or do you just have a higher tolerance for crazy?

ghostof5letters

Jbosarge85 said:

ghostof5letters said:

Damn it, people it's bedtime! This is not fair

You'll have something good to read tomorrow should you get bored....

I don't wanna

*stomps feet*

coybig

rattlecanqueen said:

Dang did you have to start a whole new post it just for her, or do you just have a higher tolerance for crazy?

since they are all such special little snowflakes, they all get their own special little post it.  don't worry, the wall is blue.

cakebatter27

I have not experienced a loss and it breaks my heart for those who have. My parents had 7 losses before me so I was and am very aware of how devastating they can be. I read all of the posts but they can be upsetting, especially late losses. I feel like I owe it to those who have experienced a loss to read about their journey and it helps me be thankful for my healthy pregnancy. I always appreciate the warning though.

hcsmiley417

I have been pregnant 13 times. I currently have 3DDs and a DS on the way. I try to avoid the "loss mentioned" ones because I have lost babies at all stages for alot of different reasons. People view me as a very strong women but topics with "loss mentioned" break me down faster than anything else. I already have such medical issues aggravated by pregnancy or I may have lost one similar to how other people have and I don't want to feel like I have to relive the moment. I know the sex of every baby lost. I have named every one of them no matter what stage I have lost them at. It's a hard thing to cope and deal with. And it brings on extra panic and anxiety.

abchittam

hcsmiley417 said:

I have been pregnant 13 times. I currently have 3DDs and a DS on the way. I try to avoid the "loss mentioned" ones because I have lost babies at all stages for alot of different reasons. People view me as a very strong women but topics with "loss mentioned" break me down faster than anything else. I already have such medical issues aggravated by pregnancy or I may have lost one similar to how other people have and I don't want to feel like I have to relive the moment. I know the sex of every baby lost. I have named every one of them no matter what stage I have lost them at. It's a hard thing to cope and deal with. And it brings on extra panic and anxiety.

I am so sorry that you have been through this. It breaks my heart for you. perfect example of why we all need to be considerate enough to put "loss mentioned" in a title.

OP, is this a good enough answer for you?

[Deleted User]

It is just common courtesy. I just passed my EDD from my most recent loss. I'm thrilled to pieces to be expecting again but seeing newborns and thinking that I would be holding mine at this point has made this month a little harder than others. I didn't really expect to be reading about miscarriages in a thread titled Fiber One brownies so a heads-up would have been nice.

shamyfowler

hcsmiley417 said:

I have been pregnant 13 times. I currently have 3DDs and a DS on the way. I try to avoid the "loss mentioned" ones because I have lost babies at all stages for alot of different reasons. People view me as a very strong women but topics with "loss mentioned" break me down faster than anything else. I already have such medical issues aggravated by pregnancy or I may have lost one similar to how other people have and I don't want to feel like I have to relive the moment. I know the sex of every baby lost. I have named every one of them no matter what stage I have lost them at. It's a hard thing to cope and deal with. And it brings on extra panic and anxiety.

Wow.  I don't think you need a better explanation than this. I'm so very sorry.  It's just a courtesy to put a little disclaimer in the title post. Wishing you a very happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy hcsmiley47

hcsmiley417

Thanks ladies. It's so hard to be pregnant when every second I'm anxiety ridden. I was told I couldn't have kids so as hard as a pill it is to cope with the losses, I have 3 and hopefully 4 miracle rainbow babies. My hardest task will be not only explaining to the kids about their angel siblings but to determine if I should tell my oldest years from now about her twin that passed. I literally want to hug every person that posts "loss mentioned" and I have the upmost respect for them.

ghostof5letters

heelsandhighchairs said:

SOMEONE, ANYONE! Please explain why you ladies are so adamant about *loss mentioned* disclaimers? Because Im not getting it. Coming from someone who is PgAL I dont understand why you all are so anal about them.

*pats head of poor, ignorant, 19 year old who finds herself so grown up* #FAIL

hcsmiley417

Thank you for pointing out that miss "high and mighty" is 19. This makes AlOT more sense about her comments. She should have stuck with Facebook and selfies like all the other kids her age. Like PP mentioned it's a norm and she probably hasn't had enough life experiences to know.

TugboatSheila

As usual I'm late to all the threads. 

This is my first pregnancy ever so I have never experienced a loss and I am thankful that I have thus far not encountered an infertility struggles. Even I appreciate the Loss Mentioned comments in the titles of posts for 2 reasons.   I can decide if I am feeling strong enough to read about someone else's struggle. This is important to me because I have my own anxiety and OCD struggles and most days I'm totally cool.  Some days reading about a loss makes me so nervous for my LO that I can't do it.

Also, sometimes something so horrible happens to someone else that I know anything I say will come out hollow, especially if I don't have any experience with it. In these cases, almost everything I have no experience with. Anyone who experienced or is experiencing a loss deserves strong supportive people around them and sometimes that's not me. On those days I can't read those threads in full and all I can do is shed tears for them anonymously on my side of the computer. 

That doesn't even touch what the ladies who have experienced a loss must go through. Some people are ok, some people are not. 

Skeemer

hcsmiley417 said:

I have been pregnant 13 times. I currently have 3DDs and a DS on the way. I try to avoid the "loss mentioned" ones because I have lost babies at all stages for alot of different reasons. People view me as a very strong women but topics with "loss mentioned" break me down faster than anything else. I already have such medical issues aggravated by pregnancy or I may have lost one similar to how other people have and I don't want to feel like I have to relive the moment. I know the sex of every baby lost. I have named every one of them no matter what stage I have lost them at. It's a hard thing to cope and deal with. And it brings on extra panic and anxiety.

Hugs, love, prayers & thoughts for you friend. You may not feel strong but I'm sure there's not a person who read this who isn't admiring you for your courage today & for baring your soul on such a highly tender topic.

Skeemer

heelsandhighchairs said:

SOMEONE, ANYONE! Please explain why you ladies are so adamant about *loss mentioned* disclaimers? Because Im not getting it. Coming from someone who is PgAL I dont understand why you all are so anal about them.