It's been just over two weeks since my D&C, and just under two weeks that I've been back to work. I still can't get myself together at work. I'm totally unable to focus on any task that requires more than minimal effort. Anything that requires thought or effort makes me just shut down. I don't know why. I'm getting to the point where I can't put off some tasks much longer, yet I can't make any progress on them either. I haven't told anyone at work about what happened. No one knew I was pregnant, so no one needed to know I lost my baby.
Our usually calm little department has been raked over the coals lately - the day I came back, one person lost a family member in a tragic way, another has been in the hospital with pneumonia, and a third was let go. Fully 1/3 of our department has had major issues and that's not including mine! I feel like I need to just keep pushing through rather than add any more misery, or any more expectation that someone else will pick up the slack - we're already stretched so thin as it is. (And what do I do? Spend most of my workday here with you ladies!)
As I've been writing this, I was thinking about how I should tell you that this is only happening at work, but the more I thought about it, I realize that I'm coasting through life outside of work too. I haven't talked to many people other than DH, I've stayed close to home (as much from lack of opportunity to get out as lack of interest), and although I've been acting as if everything's ok, I'm not sure who I'm fooling.
I don't know what I'm looking for here...maybe just a chance to vent, maybe to hear that I'm not crazy. I so much want to be past this all - on to TTC again and on with normal life. Yet it seems neither my body nor my brain will let me.
TTC since 8/13
BFP #1 - 1/15/14 MMC/D&C 3/6/14
BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!