Parenting after a Loss

Yesterday- DS, previous loss, and pregnancy mentioned (not mine)

Yesterday marked two years since my first BFP.  That pregnancy ended in a missed m/c after 12 weeks.  I still think about the baby we lost a lot.  I got pregnant with P about 6 weeks before my EDD with my loss, so I know that if I wouldn't have lost that pregnancy,  P wouldn't be a part of our lives and I just can't fathom that.  In some way, that has made my loss easier to manage (though not necessarily understand).

 Emotionally, I was actually good for most of the day. Then I checked my phone right before bed and found that my friend announced that she and her husband are expecting twins.  I literally froze.  I'm really happy for her b/c she's a great person and a wonderful mother (they have an 18 month old son), but it really brought back a flood of memories.  We were pregnant at about the same time, though she was about 6 weeks ahead of me.  While my pregnancy was ending and I was facing the painful choice of how to "manage" the loss and ultimately going through a D&E, she was complaining about how "fat" she was getting and how she'd never be able to wear a bikini again.  I got the invitation to her baby shower exactly two months after my D&E.  I ended up not going b/c I didn't think I could make it through.  

It was just really, really sucky timing.  I know there's no way she knew b/c I'm pretty sure DH and I are the only ones who know what day I got my BFP.  Had I not checked my phone, I wouldn't have even seen it till this morning and I don't think I would have been hit the same way.

Thanks for listening.  

Re: Yesterday- DS, previous loss, and pregnancy mentioned (not mine)

  • (((Hugs))) I don't think it ever gets easier. But
    I think you learn better ways of coping as time goes on, and the sting hurts less and less.
    I was surprised by how I still carry a lot of grief when recently, my facebook blew up with SO MANY pregnancy announcements from friends and acquaintances. I thought that having Cole would at least help me not cringe when seeing those announcements.
    We are forever changed by our babies, and I don't think we can ever go back to being the people we once were.
    Hugs.
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  • Huge hugs to you today! I think about our angel babies often too. I try to remember the good that they brought to our lives but sometimes it's hard not to think about what could have been. Isaac should have a big brother right now, but he doesn't.

    image
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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    January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
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  • ((hugs))
    Started TTC in February 2010
    BFP #1
      3.23.11 :: Natural M/C on 5.21.11 @ 12wk4d
    BFP #2  2.17.12 :: EDD 10.28.12 :: Ava was born 11.2.12

    BFP #3  1.31.14 :: Natural M/C on 3.10.14 @ 9wk2d

    BFP #4  4.29.14 :: Natural M/C on 5.5.14 @ ?

      New Beginnings: Our Journey into Parenthood (Blog)

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    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

  • ((HUGs)). I think about our babies on an almost daily basis. It has never gotten easier, but I am able to move past some of the comments that would have sent me into bawling fits in past. It still stings for me when others announce pregnancies, probably because I never have the comfort level to make an announcement myself. Unfortunately I (and so many of us) have been robbed of that pure joy that is supposes to come with pregnancy. ((HUGS) to you for making it past another anniversary.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

  • Thanks, ladies.  I'm so happy to have a place to get my thoughts out and have people understand me.  
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