Yesterday marked two years since my first BFP. That pregnancy ended in a missed m/c after 12 weeks. I still think about the baby we lost a lot. I got pregnant with P about 6 weeks before my EDD with my loss, so I know that if I wouldn't have lost that pregnancy, P wouldn't be a part of our lives and I just can't fathom that. In some way, that has made my loss easier to manage (though not necessarily understand).
Emotionally, I was actually good for most of the day. Then I checked my phone right before bed and found that my friend announced that she and her husband are expecting twins. I literally froze. I'm really happy for her b/c she's a great person and a wonderful mother (they have an 18 month old son), but it really brought back a flood of memories. We were pregnant at about the same time, though she was about 6 weeks ahead of me. While my pregnancy was ending and I was facing the painful choice of how to "manage" the loss and ultimately going through a D&E, she was complaining about how "fat" she was getting and how she'd never be able to wear a bikini again. I got the invitation to her baby shower exactly two months after my D&E. I ended up not going b/c I didn't think I could make it through.
It was just really, really sucky timing. I know there's no way she knew b/c I'm pretty sure DH and I are the only ones who know what day I got my BFP. Had I not checked my phone, I wouldn't have even seen it till this morning and I don't think I would have been hit the same way.
Thanks for listening.
Re: Yesterday- DS, previous loss, and pregnancy mentioned (not mine)
I think you learn better ways of coping as time goes on, and the sting hurts less and less.
I was surprised by how I still carry a lot of grief when recently, my facebook blew up with SO MANY pregnancy announcements from friends and acquaintances. I thought that having Cole would at least help me not cringe when seeing those announcements.
We are forever changed by our babies, and I don't think we can ever go back to being the people we once were.
Hugs.
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
BFP #1 3.23.11 :: Natural M/C on 5.21.11 @ 12wk4d
BFP #2 2.17.12 :: EDD 10.28.12 :: Ava was born 11.2.12
BFP #3 1.31.14 :: Natural M/C on 3.10.14 @ 9wk2d
BFP #4 4.29.14 :: Natural M/C on 5.5.14 @ ?
New Beginnings: Our Journey into Parenthood (Blog)
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby