? about choosing a school

macchiatto

Our school district has a lottery-based system for magnet schools and expanded choice. We got the lottery results last night and found out one twin got into an inquiry-based magnet school, one got into a highly-regarded elementary school, and the school we are zoned for is also a strong contender. [Since they got into different schools, if we accept, say, the magnet school, the other twin would go to the top of the waiting list as soon as a spot opens up if a family moves away, etc. So getting the other twin in is not guaranteed but we were told it's very likely. At this age we're not open to having them in separate schools.]

We had attended info meetings but will be visiting all 3 schools this week to see them in action before making our choice. Any suggestions on things to look for or ask during these school visits to help us in making our decision? As a recap, one of our twins is kind of borderline for ASD (Aspergerish), has SPD, anxiety and developmental coordination D/O and has issues with some rigidity, special interests, low energy and hypotonia (all mild). He is currently thriving in a very nurturing, structured private preschool. NT twin is high-energy and spirited. One other piece of info is that in the magnet school, the same class of 22 kids stays together from K-5. Their teachers loop with them every 2 years. How do you think that continuity would be for my son with SN?

macchiatto

Thanks for your input!

The elementary schools all have the same start and dismissal times so logistically, it wouldn't be possible to do drop-off and pickup at two different elementary schools. The one possibility that might work is if one of them goes to the school we're zoned for and takes the bus (*if* the bus timing worked with how much time I'd need to get to and from the other school) but that school is likely a better fit for our SN DS and it would make a long day even longer for him. We're also not wild about the idea of one of our 5-year-olds being alone on a bus with kids as old as 5th grade. We'd be more open to them being at separate schools (and one/both taking the bus) after they've been in elementary for a year or two and the adjustment to full-day school has been made. 

I do agree that we want to meet their individual needs. Their current preschool has been a fantastic fit for both of them but I realize that might be harder to find in elementary. I think if we come away from the school visits feeling like one school would be a great fit for one and poor or so-so for the other, we'd have to re-think things. My hunch is that either of the regular elementary schools could be a good fit for both; the inquiry-based school is more in question. #6 is a big thing i'd been wondering about.

#8 makes sense. I had wondered about that as I could see pros and cons; strong sense of community but it could suck if you don't hit it off with kids in your class or if cliques form and you're an odd one out. The families we know who have kids there love it and their older kids transitioned well to middle school, but none of their kids had social skills delays.

Again, thank you for your time!

macchiatto

Thanks, fredalina! That does help.  

macchiatto

auntie- said:

macchiatto said:

Thanks for your input!

You are very gracious. I appreciate it. I know my spin on this isn't something you really want to hear. 

I appreciate hearing different perspectives. You and some other BTDT parents I've talked to have given me some good points to consider, re same school/separate schools. Most of the others are pro same, so it's good to hear another POV. My parents actually had us at various schools so I've always been open to the idea if that's what makes the most sense; I'm just not sure it does for us for next year, but we'll have a better idea after this week's school visits.

What I hear is anxiety. A lot of parents are a little uncomfortable with the unknowns and logistics of "real" school, but you sound a little beyond garden variety newbie kindie mom jitters.

The elementary schools all have the same start and dismissal times so logistically, it wouldn't be possible to do drop-off and pickup at two different elementary schools.

Are you SAH or do you have to factor in leaving for work. Is there bus service to all the schools? 

Bus is available only for our zoned school; parents are responsible to provide transportation for both magnet and expanded choice schools. I have been mostly SAH but plan to return to work (hopefully during school hours) in the fall.

 The one possibility that might work is if one of them goes to the school we're zoned for and takes the bus (*if* the bus timing worked with how much time I'd need to get to and from the other school) but that school is likely a better fit for our SN DS and it would make a long day even longer for him.

Most kids do well with the bus.  For a lot of kids, even those on spectrum, it's the highlight of the day and a chance to decompress and make the transition from school to home. How much longer a ride are we talking? DS had a 45 minute bus ride after full day private kindie and first that was full 7 hours long and was fine. 

That's good to know. I'm not sure at this point how long the ride is.

Starting last spring, X has developed fatigue/stamina issues beyond what you'd expect for hypotonia (which is partly what led to getting evaluated for mito), hence the concern about the long day. I know a lot can change by fall though and that's a good point that he may be able to just zone out and decompress on the bus.

We're also not wild about the idea of one of our 5-year-olds being alone on a bus with kids as old as 5th grade.

This kind of statement sort of pisses me off a little. Why? Do you believe tens are inherently evil? Do you think they're going to say and do things your kids haven't already seen at school during recess and won't be doing themselves when they're 10? In most places, the buses have a driver who will enlist help if someone gets out of hand. Normally the littles are seated right up front and the older kids largely interact with each other. 

Nothing against 10's at all; we know some great ones. Just about the age difference. Also, here Kinder (and sometimes 1st) are on a separate playground at many schools, so at school they're not around the bigger kids much until 1st or 2nd. I know quite a few parents who have concerns about their littles riding the bus (which is where I picked it up) and I've heard a few too many stories. Maybe they are over-cautious. But it's pretty common from parents I've talked to. At any rate, only one of the 3 schools has a bus option for us. 

 We'd be more open to them being at separate schools (and one/both taking the bus) after they've been in elementary for a year or two and the adjustment to full-day school has been made. 

But the thing is, slots fill up. Families in your community may have better information on the desirablity and IRL chances of getting a spot past kindie. Your locally zoned school might have to accept a transfer, but the others will get harder to get into in later grades as a rule because a lot of parents will use the younger siblings getting in as a kind of anchor baby for their older sibs. 

True. Our zoned school will always be an option but the others are more iffy if we decline the spots this year.

I do agree that we want to meet their individual needs. Their current preschool has been a fantastic fit for both of them but I realize that might be harder to find in elementary. I think if we come away from the school visits feeling like one school would be a great fit for one and poor or so-so for the other, we'd have to re-think things.

So maybe it's best to visit each school and then have the conversation. BTW, if the classes aren't in session during the visit, you aren't going to get much of a take away about how the school really fits either child. It's so easy as a parent to be dazzled by enthusiasm of the principal, shiny new physical plant, a bright library, gym and art classes and cheery work in the halls to get a real feel for the culture of a school. It's hard. LOL, when I was picking a first school for DS I was dazzled by the excitement of all the stuff going on around the rooms, the academic buzzwoods and promises from the assisstant Head of School- in retrospect, I couldn't have chosen more poorly for him if I'd been working at it. We were out of there at the end of first.

I agree that discussion will be easier once we've visited the schools. (At this point my focus is more on what to look for/what questions to ask when we visit.) I have visits for all 3 scheduled for this week, all while classes are in session. I agree that we really need to see the schools in action; we've already been to some info meetings and talked to very enthusiastic principals, teachers and parents.

Ironic about the first school you chose for your son! I can see how easy that would be to do. At this point, it seems like we're basically making an educated guess at what would be good fits for each kid. And TBH that's part of the reason why, if possible, I'd rather have them in elementary school for a year or two before more seriously considering the "logistical nightmare" (the phrase I keep hearing from other parents re separate schools) of having them in separate schools w/the same start and dismissal times; like we talked about in my thread re X's IEP meeting, with a lot of stuff we really just have to wait and see how he does in K because he has several possible trajectories from here. We'll make the best guess we can for now. I think our NT kid would probably do well in any of the 3 schools but hopefully we'll have a better feel for that after the visits.

 My hunch is that either of the regular elementary schools could be a good fit for both; the inquiry-based school is more in question. #6 is a big thing i'd been wondering about.

It's hard to say. I'd really want to look at how well these kids integrate into traditional mainstream in middle school as well.

#8 makes sense. I had wondered about that as I could see pros and cons; strong sense of community but it could suck if you don't hit it off with kids in your class or if cliques form and you're an odd one out. The families we know who have kids there love it and their older kids transitioned well to middle school, but none of their kids had social skills delays.

Just so you know, parents are generally pretty poor judges of where their NT fits in the complex social hierarchy of middle school. DS has two friends from the tiny school whose parents describe the kids as BMOCs and, frankly, they're delusional. Being in scouts and band has given me a front row seat in the teen drama- it's not pretty.

I bet! That's a good point.

Again, thank you for your time!

It might make sense to accept the school that is most difficult to get into of your top choice for your NT son, put them both on the bus and see how the chips fall. If it doesn't work for the twin who has SN, you may be able to leverage his difficulties into special education services to level the playing field. 

That does make sense. We are fortunate that our zoned school seems like a good fall-back if we try another option first and it doesn't work out well for one or both kids.

Thanks as always for your time!  

macchiatto

Thanks!

Oh and I hope "ironic" didn't read as a criticism; I meant that more in sympathy that despite your efforts to find a good school, it didn't pan out. 

macchiatto

So true!