Weaning a demanding toddler

skibunny59

So, my sweet DD just turned 2 this past Thursday.  Her birthday party was yesterday.  So cute and a little sad at the same time.  I can't believe I've been nursing her for 2 years.  Anyway, I have always loved nursing but I am about done with it and need some advice for weaning.  In the past 3 months or so, DD has become very demanding with it. 

 I have successfully gotten her down to nursing 3 times per day (once in the morning, once when I come home from work, and once right before bed) but she always asks in between these times.  Sometimes she's fine and sometimes she throws a fit.  Oh and she was nightweaned around 18 months but within the last month she has been waking up demanding to nurse.  I offer her water or a snack but she refuses.  I've kind of been giving in at night because I'm so tired. This sounds terrible but I'm starting to resent my sweet baby.  I just don't like how demanding she's become with it.  I'm tired and I just can't do it anymore.  Even during the day I cringe whenever she asks to nurse.  Sometimes it's after we had just nursed an hour ago.

Anyway, sorry this is so long.  I would like to wean in the gentlest way possible and I don't mind if it takes a few months.  I just don't even know how to start the process.

TiffanyBerry

Would you not feel so annoyed by it (and believe me, I understand the feeling!) if she wasn't demanding or if it were only once or twice a day?  That was the situation for me - as long it was only a couple of times (and that number changed over time), I was ok with it, if she didn't nag me.  I would just tell her "it's not an option right now" and if she asked why, I'd be honest and say that I was glad she liked it, but that I was only up for doing it at certain times.  Getting through that phase (and we had something similar, shortly before 2) helped me feel a lot better about nursing.

I know that doesn't answer your "how to wean" question, but from the way you wrote it, I wasn't sure if it was more of a "how not to be annoyed and resentful with our nursing relationship" question, which has more answers than just weaning.

evahankins

Weaning is not as easy as it looks! My lo is 20 mo and we are just getting down to 1 nurse a day. Several things helped me - cut out one session a day over several weeks (start w easiest to drop) then distract- offer a drink/snack activity. Mornings were easier, but it does mean I have to wake up faster to distract her. Also offer alternative routines- I sing twinkle twinkle when she fusses to nurse at night, let her rub my tummy, etc. It got easier once I had a few successful sessions and got my confidence up. She stopped fussing for it by the 3rd night. Still working on naps!!

Emerald27

Since you're down to just 3 sessions per day (give or take), I would start limiting her time at the breast very gently. Tell her she can nurse until you're done singing a song (like the ABC song or something), and then tell her "we're all done!" when you've finished singing. You can always sing more slowly or hum for a bit or something if she really struggles with stopping so soon, or if she panicks, offer the other breast and repeat. And being willing to compassionately repeat over again occasionally will make it less traumatic too.

If you begin to limit her sessions, she will wean. It'll be gradual if it is done very gently, but that is the most highly recommended way to wean for both toddler and mom. They benefit from the gentleness and don't associate it with withholding anything, while you discover new ways to show your affection (this is super important since kids associate nursing with love), and you don't risk infection/plugged ducts from rapid weaning, and your weaning hormones are more balanced, so you feel better.

For the in between askings, you can judge whether the situation warrants allowing her to nurse on your terms (limiting the session as you see fit) or not. Try to think of something very enticing and exciting to replace it. Is she thirsty, hungry, bored, needing attention or snuggles?...how can you meet that need without nursing?

Good luck!

skibunny59

Thanks Ladies for all of your suggestions.  I also just found out just yesterday that I am pregnant.  This makes me a little nervous because I was pregnant 4 months ago and miscarried at 6 weeks.  DD was nursing a lot then and was still nursing about every hour or so at night.  My midwife said that the miscarriage had nothing to do with the fact that I was nursing DD but I'm still worried.

I also noticed a pattern.  Last time just a week before I found out I was pregnant I noticed DD getting even more demanding with the nursing and asking to nurse more than usual.  I also noticed her getting up more at night asking to nurse.  This seems to be the same thing that is happening right  now.

I did notice yesterday that her nursing sessions were fairly quick and only one breast which was unusual since she always wants to nurse both boobs.  She also didn't freak out when I told her the nursies were sleeping when she woke up at night.  Maybe she will wean all on her own.

ILoveRunning

Give it  a bit of time, and lots of subtle encouragement.  I think that as long as you give a gentle nudge, she will get the hint as your supply changes (and remember the milk itself will change).  I would suggest targeting one nursing session at a time.  It might be easiest to get rid of the after work session.  I did that by never sitting down when we got home.  It took ~2 weeks, but I would usually let him watch a 30 minute show while I prepared dinner.  Distract + reward.

Emerald27

@skibunny59‌ Congratulations! It is very likely that she will wean on her own since you're pregnant, but with some gentle encouragement it'll definitely happen. I have done some minor night weaning (setting limitations for the length of nursing at night wakings) because I experience pain when he nurses at night (I'm expecting too), but that's all I've limited, and he seems very nearly ready to wean. He doesn't really "nurse" at all anymore. He does many quick latch-on check-ins throughout the day, but that's it. I was interested in tandem nursing but I don't think he will be nursing anymore come October.

Best of luck!

URMySunshine77

@skibunny59:

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that all goes smoothly with your weaning. 

mexicolombiana

I also have a 2 year old (turned 2 in Jan) who DEMANDS to be nursed at night and in the morning.  She also asks during the day if I'm home but I refuse to nurse her during the day.  I try and distract her or we stand up to do something else and that works fine.  But at night I can't distract her because I'm right there with her.  

I can honestly say I have no idea how to wean.  I don't really mind nursing her a little here and there but she's very demanding and I it would be nice to wean her at some point here. 

Emerald27

Another option at night for you ladies (or to use in conjunction with limiting nursing sessions) would be to get DH involved if and when possible. He can take LO one or two of the times she wakes, and walk around with her, rub her back and rock her, get her a drink of water if she is asking him to take her to you to nurse...and just comfort her back to sleep. He can let her know that the boobs (or whatever you call them) are asleep, but she can have some in a little while, and once she is back to sleep he can gently lay her back down.

It would be A LOT of work for a week or two, but that might eliminate one or two of LO's night nursing sessions.

mexicolombiana

Ah yes, having DH help at night.  GENIUS.  If you could jsut come over and FORCE him to wake up!  He doesn't care if I wean anytime because it doesn't affect him!  But yes I think he needs to step up a little more at night.  He's just so used to me just nursing her.  Sigh. 

ILoveRunning

mexicolombiana said:

Ah yes, having DH help at night.  GENIUS.  If you could jsut come over and FORCE him to wake up!  He doesn't care if I wean anytime because it doesn't affect him!  But yes I think he needs to step up a little more at night.  He's just so used to me just nursing her.  Sigh. 

I know the feeling. I just recently got my 3 year old to stop nighttime nursing (and before bedtime). My DH was never much help and honestly, I was usually to tired to fight it. Now that my son is 3 he is old enough to negotiate with. I actually bribed him with donuts and it worked. Now we are down to mornings only. It is so much more manageable and the stabby feeling I was getting has mostly subsided (likely due to my pregnancy).

Emerald27

ILoveRunning said:

mexicolombiana said:

Ah yes, having DH help at night.  GENIUS.  If you could jsut come over and FORCE him to wake up!  He doesn't care if I wean anytime because it doesn't affect him!  But yes I think he needs to step up a little more at night.  He's just so used to me just nursing her.  Sigh. 

I know the feeling. I just recently got my 3 year old to stop nighttime nursing (and before bedtime). My DH was never much help and honestly, I was usually to tired to fight it. Now that my son is 3 he is old enough to negotiate with. I actually bribed him with donuts and it worked. Now we are down to mornings only. It is so much more manageable and the stabby feeling I was getting has mostly subsided (likely due to my pregnancy).

LOL at bribing with donuts. You sound like me. I bribed DS to sit on the potty when he needed to poop with a jolly rancher. "> I have no idea how to encourage him to use the potty since he is showing signs of readiness (announcing when he needs to eliminate, showing interest in us using the potty, etc.) but won't sit on the potty himself.

Anyway, we're night weaning too. I keep a sippy of water to offer if he insists upon nursing beyond the arbitrary limits I've set (I usually count to 10 in my head, see if he'll go to sleep, and if necessary, repeat on the other breast...then offer water). We've had some great success with this system, until about 5am. For some reason he wants to nurse so much more in the early morning. It's been quite a struggle.

jasieandry

I'm still nursing my 2 year old occasionally and I definitely feel you. It can be really stressful to have her demanding boobies when I'm nursing little sister so frequently. Although I love the bonding time and the smile on her face when we do get nursing time I honestly hoped she would have weaned herself by now. One of the most frustrating things that she would do was throw a fit when I was done nursing her. She would nurse and nurse and nurse and I would feel so stuck because I knew she would cry if we stopped. So I tried using a timer. We've been agreeing on a set time for nursing (2 minutes-5minutes) I tell her beforehand we're going to nurse for 5 minutes and set the timer when the timer goes off we're done. She knows I won't go past the timer even if she has her meltdown so the meltdowns have stopped and she happily pops off when the time is up and goes off to play.  This has made nursing time much more enjoyable knowing that its for a set amount of time and she won't be screaming at me when I'm done nursing her. Some days she doesn't nurse at all and some days she nurses 5 times in a day. I still try to nurse her when I can because I still want to have that nursing relationship with her and the timer is allowing me to wean her slowly. When she wants boobies now she usually asks " I want 5 minutes booby time" and if I can't at the moment I tell her we have to wait until nap time or until I'm done with dishes and most of the time she says "Ok I wait"