Not calling until day after birth

hisbeautyalways

Has anybody waited to tell friends/family that their baby was born until the next day? This is the only thing DH has asked for with this baby, mostly because my mom is pretty overbearing. She has been mentioning to me regularly that I "have to" call her the moment I go into labor, but she swears she won't come over if I do. We, of course, don't believe her or plan on doing so, and have negative experiences from DS's birth in relation to her.

Well, this time it's a home birth. Last time was a hospital birth, so it was easier to keep her out of the way. No matter what we do, I will hear about it forever (and not in a good way) from my mom. I can't tell other people that the baby has been born, because it will somehow get back to her if I do.

And she's begun calling often to ask how I'm feeling, if anything "exciting" is happening. She even made a special trip over this weekend to "drop something off" (she bought a baby blanket) and lingered, I think to see if she could catch me laboring. She lives 40 minutes and generally never comes over to see us, so she's obviously trying to catch the birth.

So back to my original point. Has anybody tried not telling people the baby was born until at least the next day? How did it go? Or just any tales of overbearing family with new baby, especially home births?

barnwife

We take our sweet time calling. J. was born at night and we called the next morning. A. was born in the evening. I am pretty sure we called before we went to bed. And S., well, S.'s birth was different. My water broke but I didn't have contractions for 2 days. 

And I just happened to talk to some family during that time. So they knew that I was sort of in labor. S. ended up being a middle of the night birth. DH emailed that baby was here early in the morning. And then we followed up with phone calls later in the morning.

All 3 have been HB. And if we ever have another, I firmly remain in the "we'll call when we have something to tell you and we are ready to share it" camp. Even if baby is 1 or 2 days old.

If we had any family close enough to try and show up during a HB, you can bet I wouldn't be telling anyone until after LO arrived and was ready to have guests.

If you think it will be a problem, let your MW know. (My MW would be just fine with ordering people I didn't want out of the house.) And lock the doors so no one else can come in.  

wtfisup

If that's what will allow you peace, do it. People won't be mad forever.

aylafsu88

We did not tell people until the next day. I went into labor on a Sat morning and delivered LO at 10:30 pm. We had a lot going on and we were exhausted once LO arrived. The only person who knew I was in labor was my mom. I had called her in early labor and she ended up driving over which was nice and what we wanted. The rest of our family we told the next morning after we had slept some and recovered. In our situation most of our  family lives several hours away so they could not just pop in and visit us. As for our friends we told most of them after we got home since we wanted a peaceful, quiet hospital stay. No one had an issue with it.
If your mom is over bearing and going to add stress to the situation by all means she should not be there. You know what you need and how you need to feel during L&D. Your mom will have to get over it and respect your wishes. Hopefully when she meets the new baby all her anger at missing the birth will dissappear.

Rrrrrachel

This is the time to be selfish!! You can always say labor was too fast to call.

sschwege

Sort of.  With our first my parents and DH's parents wanted to know when I went into labor.  MIL was going to drive in and be there at the birth, so obviously we called her.  We called my parents too, but asked them not to ask for updates.  My parents live half way across the country, but my mom really wanted to know so she could be praying for me.  My parents were very respectful and never called/texted despite the fact that they heard nothing for 12ish hours.  DH's parents on the other hand called every hour of their drive in and it was really distracting to me. 

Number two rolls around and we kind of nodded along when DH's parents and Aunt (weird) said, "Call us at the minute you feel your first contraction."  DH and I agreed that we would, at least wait to check into the hospital to call.  Got to the hospital it was time to push, so we didn't call until after DS was born.  My mom was in the room this time so she knew what was going on and my dad was watching DD.  My in-laws may have been a little upset we didn't call sooner, but they didn't say anything.  

I say do what makes sense to you at the time.  The good news is, everyone will be so excited about the baby, they won't have time to be mad for long.

SidraJedi

I have all but cut my mom out of my life. She is way overbearing and emotionally manipulative and crazy. She kept asking to be there.

We didn't call anyone until after baby was here and after we'd eaten and napped. It was around 5pm the day of the birth. Some friends came over but our families waited until the next day.

My mom gave me flack for not calling her. I told her to calm down and not take it personally.

It worked out okay, except I let my mom's attitude affect me a little, but I got over it in a couple of days when my hormones started to calm down.

Just wait and call everyone when you are ready. Its your life after all.

ETA: we had a homebirth if that matters

mghnmouse

We have a mandatory, 48 hour waiting period. We call them to tell them the good news, basic details and that all is well. Then that we will see them all in 2 days. They know better than to intrude or interrupt our bonding time as a family. It has worked nicely the two previous times and we will go with that same plan this time around.

ETA: all home births

jenn43

I would love to wait until after deliver to tell everyone I'm in labor, so no, I don't think it's strange to prefer that.  My parents are very calm about the entire thing- they know they'll get a text when we get to the hospital, and a phone call after baby is born (they live 7 hrs away).  My in-laws, on the other hand, are already checking in to see if I've had any contractions (I'm 38 and 3).  My husband is incredibly excited about the baby, and he really wants to share this excitement with his family.  So we've compromised and discussed exactly when we'll call his parents, and how often we'll update them, just so they know what to expect.

You've mentioned that this is something your husband wants.  How do you feel about not telling your mom until after it's over?

hisbeautyalways

Had the baby already. But I was for it too - just not sure how possible it would be, and afraid of the "consequences" really.

So I went into labor April 2nd. My mother called and texted that afternoon multiple times, which I ignored. Baby was born that night and I waited hours until it was really late to text her a picture, his name/stats, and added that I was really tired so I would see her tomorrow.

That was a Wednesday. She ended up not coming until Friday night.

Robi1

We did not call anyone until after she was born. She was born around 5:30 and we called our parents (neither are local) around 7pm or so. We got home from the birth center around 9pm. We didn't call or tell anyone else until the next day, and only had visitors starting the next afternoon. This is our plan for the next one as well, though it will depend on the time of day of the birth. If baby is born in the morning, we might call and allow visitors later that day if we're feeling up to it, but maybe not. We certainly won't tell anyone I'm in labor. 

HNRomance

Both our parents called the day we were in labor trying to get an update on the pregnancy and we lied and said nothing was going on. We called after delivery to let our parents know he was born. We made it clear we didn't want visitors beforehand to our families and with the hospital staff so it was a non-issue. I think it's perfectly fine to wait to call or it might be a good time to suck it up and get serious with some boundaries with your mom....