Family shower invitees

AngelinaC02

I am stuck and not sure what to do so I thought I would let you ladies help! Sorry if it's long!

My Sisters have offered to throw me a shower for my side of the Family, including our Family friends & my Mom's friends who I have known since I was little. It's an hour away from where I live & fairly large already. My Girlfriends have also offered to throw me a shower in town for Friends and co-workers I have here.

My Sister mentioned to me that my Mother-in-law asked her if she would invite her side of the Family to the shower they were planning. My Sister said she'd ask me about it. Since that shower is already pretty big & not really in a convenient location for her Family I asked my Girlfriends if I could invite them to their shower in town given that it would only be about 5 extra people & the guest list for that shower was much smaller. They said that was fine & I let my Mother-in-law know. I thought all was good!

Then my Mother-in-law said what about DH's Dad's side of the Family? That would be another 8 to 10 people on top of the ones she already requested I include in another shower. My Girlfriends were not anticipating a large party & frankly don't really have the space. I don't need three showers but at the same time I feel uncomfortable asking my Girlfriends or Sisters to add a bunch of people to the guest lists when they are already being so generous. I figured if no one offered to host a shower from DH'S side I just wouldn't have one. I don't know how to convey this to my Mother-in-law or if it's rude to tell her I feel awkward asking my Family & Girlfriends to accommodate everyone on DH's side of the Family. What to do?

VOR

Just tell her that your hosts can't accomodate that many more people. If she really feels they "have" to be included, then she can throw a shower herself. DOn't suggest that to her. But it's not on your family's head to include your ILs entire family. They can step up if its that important.

Disneygeek77

There is nothing wrong with telling her that she will simply have to cut down her list because the hosts can't accommodate that many people.

dufferoo

Your MIL is out of line requesting all these invites, but at the same time, I feel for DH's family. As family members, it's really not their place to be hosting a shower for you, but if they feel close to you, it is too bad they won't be invited to any of your showers. But if your sisters and friends don't want to squeeze them in, I guess there's not much you can do

alisonc87

This is what I tried to avoid with both my bridal shower and baby shower. I am lucky enough that everyone is local and my aunt and cousin and MIL and Sister-IL planned a larger shower together (90+ on the guest list, not everyone could make it though). Maybe it would be an option to say something along the lines that your shower is getting quite large, and to keep adding to the guest list would create a lot of extra work for *insert whoever is throwing the shower you will try to include them on.* Maybe that would open a door for her to either have someone throw you a separate shower for that family, or offer to help with the existing shower by contributing to the food, etc. 

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kimberpoo

I agree with PP's suggestion that letting her know the hostesses are keeping it small and can't add anyone to their guest list is a good idea.

If you think the two sides of the family could get along well, you might ask your SIL's if they would be open to offering to let your MIL co-host so DH's family could attend that shower, although you'd have to know if MIL would be willing to pay for her guests. or, just don't say anything and if she wants she can throw a shower for that side of the family.

chevronseven

I agree with PPs that she is out of line and with that many people she should just throw another one herself if it's that important to her.

What bothers me though, is that she's bothering YOU with it. You're not throwing your own shower and it's not your job to deal with any of the planning. It definitely shouldn't have been made into something for you to stress over!

AngelinaC02

Thank you everyone! I really like my MIL & she actually threw us a very lovely Gender Reveal party a few weeks ago which is why she may be reluctant to throw a shower. I don't need another shower but, I also don't want anyone to feel left out. I am going to wait a few weeks & see if anyone on DH's side offers to host. If not my wonderful Girlfriends have said they will make it work. It is stressful though trying to not hurt anyone's feelings!

Disneygeek77

But don't you see how you put your wonderful girlfriends in an incredibly awkward position.

I don't know.  I have been a shower hostess before with a budget in mind and I know I wouldn't appreciate  being put in the position of having to choose between spending more money than I wanted / intended and making my friend unhappy.  

Why can't you tell your MIL she will have to shorten her list ?

AngelinaC02

I can see that & I feel bad I have already told my MIL adding more of DH's Family would be too difficult for either my Sisters or my Girlfriends. I didn't get much of a response. I think the best course of action will be just to leave it alone now. If someone from DH's side offers great if not I am totally fine with that too. My Girlfriends & I are very close & they didn't want me to stress or to make my MIL upset.