unwanted comments while pregnant with twins

mmhopeful

I have been hit with a few unwanted and unsuspecting comments from people at work and church.  Really? I thought NONE of these people would ever say such things.  Has anyone else had this happen?  I just smile and keep about my day, but they hurt.

"You're going to be a house at this rate!"  (I'm only 11 weeks and 5 days....gained only 4 lbs)

"Wow!  How ever will you find clothes to fit you come your later months!"  Yup.....this one hurt ALOT!

"Good luck!  Better you than me!"  (From someone at church, mind you.)

"How far along are you?  You sure look huge for being THIS early."  

Really, it made me pretty self-conscious this week and I came home and told my husband.....then had a good cry.  Not a way to end my week on Friday.  

I am really scared now because I have Parent/Teacher conferences this upcoming week and will meet with 16 families.  Hoping I don't get blindsided by any comments. 

LittleLady77

Have you read the "crazy comments" thread? People have no filter especially when around pregnant people and it's even worse with twins. It is hard to deal with but honestly you have to get thick skin quickly because it doesn't stop. Yesterday I got the trifecta from strangers in the grocery store (you look huge, better you than me and are they natural). 3 questions from 3 strangers... Who are these people?!?!

pinkmickey24

Aww, I'm sorry for the comments. Some people honestly have no filter. My advice for parent teacher conferences is to wear what you normally would wear, but something you have that is looser fitting. I was 10 weeks 6 days when we had parent teacher conferences last year and I had no intention of telling parents or students until Christmas break, 16 weeks. I wore what I always wore shirt wise, but I picked one of my looser shirts that parents and students saw me normally. Luckily, the table cuts off the bottom half of the torso, so no one really noticed. I only stood up to greet them at the door and to walk them out. If any of them noticed they were gracious enough to not ask questions. I only had one parent ask and they asked the the Monday before the Friday I told the class. And that was only because they noticed on the field trip the week before that I looked a little different. Hang in there! 

Also, when I told my team mates DH and I were expecting twins, they replied "That is what you wanted." Yeah, the twins are what we wanted and went through the IF for, but they honestly didn't know about our struggles. However, the tone of the statement came across wrong, but I know they didn't mean anything by it. 

mmhopeful

Thanks everyone....I know it will get worse before it gets better, but some weeks I'm stronger than others.  I think the world of IF was tough....just wanted something to be a little easier....the people in our lives.  

Kissimi21

Sorry that people are rude idiots.  As a MoM, you need to have a massive BS filter that keeps out the ridiculous comments people will make. I heard everything from, "You're huge! How are you even able to stand?" to "Bet you can't wait for them to get out." (That person did get an earful since I was only 28w and knew a girl whose baby was struggling in the NICU.)  By the end of my second trimester, I wanted shirts that said, "I'm not due, there is 2!" and, "Double the babies means double the hormone, talk to me at your own risk." Just remember that you are doing something double wonderful, and your body will need to get bigger to accommodate all that wonderfulness. 

 

LittleLady77

Bwahaha... Talk to me at your own risk!!! I love it.

seawater

I agree.  Big babies are the goal, everyone else can shut it.  

Palan

First of all people are a**holes. I can't believe they would even assume you are pregnant at 11weeks. It became pretty obvious that I was pregnant and not just fatter at about 20 weeks. I have gotten the "do they run in your family" , and I say the fertility clinic was having a BOGO sale. I am really open about out fertility issues as I see it as a teaching moment and if I can give support to someone going through the hell of infertility or treatments all the better. Now that you have gotten a little taste of the rudeness of people just start having comments that you are comfortable with ready.

JoDoc

I know that hormones play a huge part, but try not to let the idiotic remarks get you down.  Stay happy and positive, your babies sense that.  When someone says you're as big as a house, say "Good, because I have 2 people living in there!"   I appeared small for having twins and EVERYONE commented.  Many suggested they would be too small or something wrong with them. (born @ 36w3d and weighed 4lbs8oz & 4lbs15oz)  No matter what size you are, someone will make you feel like shit.  Come here, we all understand and let you vent!!!!!  Oh, and no matter what size you are or how much you've changed, we all think you're GORGEOUS!!  You're carrying twins, how fantastic is that?!?!

MrsP419

I totally empathize.  I am almost 27 weeks and definitely think I look like I am 8 months pregnant (complete with a waddle), and I get comments all the time.  I just try to smile and not think too much about it, but today's conversation was especially annoying:

Woman at church: Oh you still haven't had the baby yet!  When are you due exactly?

Me: Um…June.

Woman: Oh wow.  Goodness.  *Obviously shocked and not knowing what to say*

Me:  You know it is twins, right?

Woman: Oh thank goodness.  

Yes.  Thank you.  

I also regularly get "Oh wow you look great for having twins," which you would think would make me feel good, but I am not quite sure what they mean.  That they are expecting me to be way huger?  That if I was not carrying twins, I would not look great?  That they think since I look "great" it is not as challenging as it is?  I know I am reading too much into it, but I am tired of my size being a regular topic of discussion.

dmurrie

I've had the looking great "for expecting twins" comment several times. I'm 22 weeks now and I've been told I look like I'm 7 months, look like I'm term, I look like I could pop any day... and ever since finding out about the twins, several people greet me each time we talk by extremely concerned-sounding "so how are you feeling?".

MIL is determined that I must become miserable this time around, since last pregnancy was complete smooth sailing and there are 2 this time around "Is your back hurting yet?" I was asked at the last visit... with an expectant little look of glee. What exactly is that supposed to mean?

I think she's hoping that I suffer because she had a tough pregnancy, and then she can comisserate with me? And give her "advice" on how she "overcame?" Then she looks all disappointed when I say I'm doing just fine... which she tries to quickly hide before cataloguing her difficulties. "Well, you are lucky...". And there was also a very excited, "so when do you go on bed rest!?" by her, followed by another crest-falken look when I said "hopefully never. Not everyone does." I just don't know what to make of it.

sasky

I've gotten the "you look great" or "you wouldn't even know you were having twins," comments quite a bit lately. I guess I'm in the minority and really don't mind. I say thank you and mean it.

oughtonk

I hear stupid comments all of the time, it comes with the territory.  Just try to not let people get to you.  Everyone has something to say.  I've tried to just stop listening to people.

Rxmom04

No bump yet so the general public hasn't started to comment to me yet but I can definitely sympathize from when we adopted DS so I hope you get a giggle out of this. People just have no filter sometimes. My personal favorite from the adoption is occasionally someone will still ask if 5 year old DS (who was adopted from a foreign country where English is not the primary language) either speaks the foreign language or has a foreign accent. Um, no. He was 18 months old and didn't speak at all when he came home so guess what- he sounds a lot like me and the DH. I wouldn't grumble so much if it was phrased in a way that made me think the commenter thought maybe he'd learned the other language in addition to English but it's always that they don't think he's managed to learn English yet and that he came home fluent in the foreign language. Can't wait to see what they come up with when the bump becomes obvious:)

katekat8721

I hate the "you look great for having twins!".... what does this mean??

I do get stabby when people ask "are you sure there's two in there?" or "you look small for twins" or "I can't believe you have two in there". It took me a lot to get two in here, trust me, there's two in here people.

I'm now at the "you look so tired, why don't you go rest?" stage of pregnancy.

Get used to it or get sassy back at 'em toots.

Mrs.Guz

People are rude and think that they can say whatever they want to pregnant women, no matter how hurtful. It sucks. I'm sorry. For me, it was worse when I was pregnant with my singleton than with the twins.

JoDoc

I have had complete strangers ask "So, do you breast feed?"  Like that is your business, why?  I've even had men ask.  Made me want to respond with "So, do you hold your weiner when you pee or do you let it dangle?" 

Palan

What does "from the back you don't look pregnant" mean? Should I assume this is a compliment?

Kissimi21

Palan said:

What does "from the back you don't look pregnant" mean? Should I assume this is a compliment?

I got that a lot.  It means you are carrying all up front.  I had a woman rush past me giving me stink-eye when I was pregnant and waddling slowly with DS1.  She stopped, looked shocked, and said, "You're pregnant? You didn't look pregnant from behind.  When did that happen?" 

I had to laugh because she looked genuinely surprised.

raraavis28

I Heart The 80s said:

Smile and nod.

Just don't let it bother you. I think people are clueless and just trying to make conversation.

So much this. If anyone were actually putting themselves in your shoes, they wouldn't be saying such thoughtless things. They just feel like they have to say something. Same will apply when your twins are here, and you're just trying to get through the grocery checkout line w/o both of them melting down, and the cashier will just have to ask you a bazillion questions about them...

ceechie

Another MoM and I were talking at the park the other day. In the middle of the convo, she stopped and looked at me and said, "it's so great to talk to another MoM. No one gets me." That's how I feel about this board!!! This thread reminded me of this...
The trader joes cashier asked the other day if I was sure which baby was really which. And if I could have mixed them up in the early days and not noticed. Haha

Sunglow28

I say work it. I cut lines at Costco (when offered), sat down on subways with a smile and happily let any neighbour that offered up on offers to haul garbage to the curb. I was big - I had two fetuses, so I decided to do my best to revel in it!