Blended Families

Intro + question about step children and child support.

My name is Ellie. I have a 16 year old daughter (Tilde) by my XH, who didn't see her from she was 4.5 to 14, but I still have full custody. I also have a 7 year old daughter with my wife, and we are trying for another child.

Upon coming into contact with my XH again, he gave me a large sum of money to cover some his missed child support for the past 9.5 years. He has since then also started to pay child support weekly. However, he is paying the weekly child support minimum as per UK law (calculated as per the UK government's child maintenance calculator), which is significantly less than the minimum child support  in Norway (where Tilde and I live, where it is significantly more expensive to live) when he is supposed to be paying the Norwegian child support figure according to both my Norwegian lawyer, and a UK lawyer I spoke to. I have spoken to him about this, and he says he will pay the extra (this was four months ago) and he is still not doing it. Apparently, his lawyer is now saying that as he paid the sum of money, he does not have to pay any child support, whereas he previously said he should be paying the Norwegian child support figure. Then his wife told me he was not paying me the Norwegian child support figure because it meant that he could not cover his step-sons school fees.

Can anyone tell me if step-children come into account when it comes to child support?

Older children warning!

TTC #1 with XH January 1997 - May 1997
BFP TTC #1 May 1997
Mathilda Winifred "Tilde" born 3 February 1998
Moved in with DW November 2003
TTC #2 with DW (IUI with DS) (DW carrying) May 2005 - December 2005
TTC #2 with DW (IVF with DS)  (DW carrying) January 2006 - May 2006
BFP TTC #2 May 2006
Nova Kathrine born 9 November 2006
Nova finally became legally mine 1 January 2009
Married DW 2 January 2009
TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DS) February 2013 - January 2014
TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DE) March 2014 - ????

Re: Intro + question about step children and child support.

  • I am not sure how British, Norway and/or EU child support works, but I have a few comments.

    1) Child support is court ordered.  So your Norwegian and British lawyers can SAY that he should or shouldn't be doing something, but until there is a legally binding change in the the Court Ordered Support, you are SOL.  

    2) Again, not knowing the Brittish, Norwegian or EU laws regarding child support AND that you did not give enough background, if the child in question is a British citizen, why would the Norwegian laws apply?  

    3) It was totally your choice to move to a country that is more expensive to live.  Yes, the ex is twat for not paying child support.  And yes he does owe you every cent of back support and to continue to support his child under the current court order.  But there are certain things that are one takes on when one makes personal decisions. 

    4) His first responsibility is to paying for support for his child.  So his stepchild's school fees are not his concern.  That boy's father and mother are on hook for those because just like in your case, it is THEIR choice to send the boy to a school with expensive school fees (again, basing my response to the fact that I am a Yank and do not know Brit schooling).  

    If you want to increase the child support, I suggest actually opening a legally binding case.  
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • Everything exactly that llumine said!
  • @Ilumine

    1) Child support does have to be a court order in Norway or Britain. In fact, it's generally seen as a last option thing.
    2) Tilde has dual citizenship. But even if she didn't, the citizenship is irrelevant, it is the place in which the child lives that matter when it comes to child support, by both British and Norwegian law.
    3) Though both XH and I are British, we moved to Norway before Tilde was born, and she was born in Norway. When we divorced, XH moved, I didn't.

    All I needed to know was if stepchildren were taken into account, though I understand that these were not the best forums to ask that on. Thank you for answering so fully though.
    Older children warning!

    TTC #1 with XH January 1997 - May 1997
    BFP TTC #1 May 1997
    Mathilda Winifred "Tilde" born 3 February 1998
    Moved in with DW November 2003
    TTC #2 with DW (IUI with DS) (DW carrying) May 2005 - December 2005
    TTC #2 with DW (IVF with DS)  (DW carrying) January 2006 - May 2006
    BFP TTC #2 May 2006
    Nova Kathrine born 9 November 2006
    Nova finally became legally mine 1 January 2009
    Married DW 2 January 2009
    TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DS) February 2013 - January 2014
    TTC #3 with DW (Surrogacy with DE) March 2014 - ????
  • At least in the United States, stepchildren/spousal income are not taken into account when figuring child support. Biological children (existing and new additions including adoptions) are, as far as the payer is concerned.

    I would have no way of knowing how that goes anywhere else, but I would assume it would be the same or similar.

    Illumine is our resident EU expert as she has lived across the big water. Phantom has been missing for a while, and she would have been the one likely to be able to answer your question.
  • I am no EU expert and I did actually ask Phantom (Irish) about it.  Both of us are under the impression that one cannot just MOVE to another country and expect the Child Support to miraculously change.  And we came to that conclusion from the information provided by the OP. 

    With the additional information (that is the downside to online boards, other people can only go by the information provided and base their replies on that data and the norm of society) that the couple STARTED in Norway, then it changes our replies. 

    If BF is supposed to pay at the Norwegian liability levels, then the only recourse is to sue.  However, your question on a StepParent paying for a stepchild before they pay for their own child(ten) is spot on - at least MORALLY.  

    I actually DO believe that one should put the current children first (and if having more kids means depleting the current child(ren)'s lifestyle, then you do not have more....just like responsible parents should not have more kids if their intact families cannot support them.  

    But at the same time, Norway doesn't see it that way, the DO contain a liability cap at 25% so the Payer can afford a new family.  

    So if he is paying less than 25% of his income, then go after him.  
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • Kai&AllieKai&Allie member
    edited March 2014
    Norway isn't part of the EU, so previous comments and about @Ilumine being the EU expert would be fairly irrelevant anyway.

    I don't know about Norwegian law, but in the UK, stepchildren definitely do not come into account when calculating child support. Neither does any step parents' income.

    I disagree with what @Ilumine said about moving, though. A person should be allowed to move wherever they wish, if they can afford to, even if they need an increased child support figure from the other parent, as per the law in the country the child lives in to do so. Though this proves to be untrue in OP's case. 

    However, I do agree that one should be able to pay fully for the children they have before considering to have more. 

    I don't know if this was addressed at the fact that OP has more children than Tilde with her wife, but the fact that OP possibly (it is implies but may not be correct) cannot afford to keep Tilde without her XH child support as per Norwegian law does not mean that OP cannot afford to keep any other children with her wife's financial support. 
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  • Kai&Allie said:
    Norway isn't part of the EU, so previous comments and about @Ilumine being the EU expert would be fairly irrelevant anyway.

    First of all, if you had read my first post I qualified my statement that I did not know the full letter of the various laws pertaining to the various European Countries and EU child support policies.  

    I don't know about Norwegian law, but in the UK, stepchildren definitely do not come into account when calculating child support. Neither does any step parents' income.

    I disagree with what @Ilumine said about moving, though. A person should be allowed to move wherever they wish, if they can afford to, even if they need an increased child support figure from the other parent, as per the law in the country the child lives in to do so. Though this proves to be untrue in OP's case. 

    Please tell me why the Custodial Parent gets to be the only person allowed to make FINANCIAL decisions for the child?  Why is it MORALLY FAIR for the Custodial parent to willy nilly decide that s/he gets to move to a HCOL area and then force the Non Custodial parent to carry that financial burden too?  

    That is such a selfish view.  Outside of the fact at ONE point the majority of these parents cared enough for the other person to sleep with them and to want to put them at a greater financial state for YOUR personal desires is just unreal to me.  

    But conversely, a good lawyer can argue that if a Custodial Parent moves to a LCOL area for whatever reason, s/he should loose the amount of Child Support they are receiving.  Are you willing to LOOSE your Child Support then?

    And since the OP seems to fall under Norwegian law, by your views, the NCP can move any time s/he wants too -even to a lower paying job - because they will only take 25% of the salary.  So again, the child will be negatively affected by the parent's decision to move. 

    Not to mention, in an intact family, if one has to move to a HCOL area for whatever reason, but their income does not increase, those children do not get the benefit of getting more money.  The point of child support is to make a child's life as close to what it would be had both parents been together, NOT to make it better.  

    If that was the point, then we would criminalize divorces again.  

    However, I do agree that one should be able to pay fully for the children they have before considering to have more. 

    I don't know if this was addressed at the fact that OP has more children than Tilde with her wife, but the fact that OP possibly (it is implies but may not be correct) cannot afford to keep Tilde without her XH child support as per Norwegian law does not mean that OP cannot afford to keep any other children with her wife's financial support. 
    I am actually the Stepmother in this scenario.  I would never have expected my stepchildren loose their current standard of living so my child have equal to or more because I firmly believe that having more children is a PERSONAL CHOICE.  

    But along with the choice of having children comes the thousands of choices that one makes when raising those children, to include where you live and what you do to support yourself.   If you cannot afford to live in a HCOL area with your children or on the amount of money you are current receiving in CS, then you do not move unless there are extenuating circumstances.  Conversely, if you are supporting a child on a specific dollar amount, you do not get to move to another area that affects your ability to pay your support.  That is not MORALLY Correct.  

    Personal Responsibity goes a long way. 
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • The statement I made was to other comments, not to you @Ilumine. I know you said you were not an expert, it was simply a statement of Fact.

    No country is going to have guidelines about child support that are completely unnafordable. So financially, moving country shouldn't be too much of a problem.
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  • Kai&Allie said:
    The statement I made was to other comments, not to you @Ilumine. I know you said you were not an expert, it was simply a statement of Fact. No country is going to have guidelines about child support that are completely unnafordable. So financially, moving country shouldn't be too much of a problem.
    Well actually there are problems with moving between HCOL and LCOL areas, to include country to country.  

    Economic theory aside, cost of living and median wages are usually tied.  A higher COLA area is not going to remain, well higher if the majority of businesses could not sustain these costs with their salaries.  

    This is why most military organizations (not just the American Military) subsidize the housing of their members when they are stationed in higher AND lower COLA areas.  When my DH and I were stationed in Germany, we were given almost $2000 more a month to be able to cover our housing (between the exchange rate AND higher cost of rent and utilities).  

    Now take out the fact that the job is paying for the differences.  You have a divorce and the Custodial Parent decides that she wants to leave the Britian and move to Norway, where the average difference in Cost of Living is 1000 euros a month (I am using euros as amount, given both countries use their own currency).  Unless her new job's income is going to cover the differences, why should the NCP be forced to incur splitting that difference, now about 500 euros more a month?

    In the US, the housing market in the DC area is averaging $400,000 for a 3 bedroom townhouse on no land.  In Rochester, NY the average 5 bedroom on 3/4 acre of land is going for $200,000.  

    Are you honestly telling me that moving from a LCOL area to a HCOL area is not going to affect the cost of supporting the CHILD?  

    And as I said, it does go both ways.  A NCP paying child support cannot move to a lower paying job OR a HCOL area with the same income and demand that they pay less.  


    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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